A Swingset, a Slide, and a Lie

Jesus told Sister Faustina, "The greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and worry."

If you need to be encouraged to drop discouragement and worry like a hot rock, consider the following bits of wisdom:

"Don't give in to discouragement...If you are discouraged, it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers.  Never bother about people's opinions.  Be humble and you will never be disturbed.  It is very difficult in practice because we all want to see the result of our work.  Leave it to Jesus."  ~Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

"Wherever there is discouragement and despair, we are sure to discover a deficiency of faith in God and a failure in patience and humility."  ~Endow study guide

"All the reasons that cause us to lose our sense of peace are bad reasons." ~Jacques Phillipe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace

"If we are discouraged or have lost our peace, "We don't believe that He [God] is capable of utilizing everything for our good and that NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, would He leave us lacking in the essentials - lacking anything that would permit us to love more.  To grow or to enrich one's spiritual life is to learn to love.  Many of the circumstances that I consider damaging could, in fact, be for me, IF I HAD MORE FAITH, precious opportunities to love more:  to be more patient, humble, gentle, merciful, and to abandon myself more into the hands of God."  ~Jacques Phillipe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace

Today's Gospel reading (John 20:11-18) was about Mary Magdalene weeping at the tomb, after Jesus had risen.  The angels and the Lord himself, asked her, "'Woman, why are you weeping?'  She has come to her own fatalistic conclusion about what happened to Christ - 'They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him' - and it is from this pessimism that she must be converted...Something Greater than our sorrow is now at work in the world.  It is the reason why, even in our weeping, we bend over and peer into the tomb, full of expectation." ~Magnificat 

We are an Easter people.  We have the joy of the risen Christ!  We cannot allow discouragement and worry to rob us of it.  Like Mary Magdalene, we cannot be caught crying outside the empty tomb!  We know where our Lord is.  No one has taken Him.   He has not been laid anywhere.  He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty.  He is interceding for us, and we must not forget that.  Ever. 

No matter how dour our circumstances, we must reject the notion that we are justified in our discouragement and worry.  We are not!  They are simply the fruit of too-little faith.  We can understand discouragement and worry best as a swing set, a slide, and a lie.  A playground for human weakness, where the Truth is stuck outside the fence. 

Dear Risen Christ, Savior, and Redeemer, Thank you for the rain today.  Thank you for the empty tomb.  Please forgive our temptation to discouragement and worry.  Please give us the grace to remember You, Your intercession, and Your power in every circumstance.  Please forgive our forgetfulness and lack of gratitude.  Thank you for the example of Mary Magdalene - her great love, and her flawed humanity.  Thank you for loving us, still.  Amen.

A New Heart - Part II

If we repent of our sins, (tell God we're sorry and turn away from them), and ask Christ for a new heart, He will give it to us.  If we ask Christ for a new heart prematurely (before repenting), we block His action by putting ourselves and our sin in His way.  So, let's assume we've asked God's forgiveness, we're making every human effort to do better, and Jesus has given us a new heart. 

How do we honor and preserve this gift?  If we fail to act and let our new heart remain a lofty ideal, then we didn't need to bother asking for a new heart in the first place.  Action is necessary and must be specific.  So, what should it look like?  You can probably come up with a laundry list of your own here, but I'm simple and into "fail-safe" ideas, so feel free to borrow if you need a little inspiration.

#1.  Empty yourself.  Mother Teresa says, "Even God Himself cannot fill what is already full."  Ask yourself what you fill yourself up with (especially in those moments when you feel the void that only God can fill).  Facebook?  Email?  Food?  Shopping?  Texting friends?  Family?  Yes.  Yes.  No.  No!  Yes.  Yes. 

Seriously, I just started "fasting" from my phone.  I'm trying to look at it only every two hours, (instead of every time I walk into the kitchen and see it on the counter).  If it weren't for the possible phone call from school for a sick kid, or keeping in touch with my husband, I would be tempted to lock it up somewhere and only pull it out after the kids were in bed.  At any rate, iPhone time is definitely something that is on my chopping block!     

#2.  Forgive others.  There's a line from a Sara Bareilles song that says, "I'm not the girl that I intend to be."  That's for sure.  What's your biggest obstacle to being the girl/guy that you intend to be?  If you are tempted to answer with the name of another, then your biggest obstacle is forgiveness.  If you don't want to forgive, then your first step is simple.  You need to ask God for the desire.

#3.  Wait on the Lord.  Cultivate silence.  Begin your day in prayer and in Scripture.  You cannot walk through your day with your Savior, if you don't meet up with Him in the morning.  Yes, other prayer times are good (and necessary!), but kicking off your day with Jesus is non-negotiable if you want to dwell in His peace.  There's no gettin' around it.

Do not be too ready to do, just be.  I said "Be ye therefore perfect", not do perfect things.  Try and grasp this.  Individual efforts avail nothing.  It is only the work of My Spirit that counts.  Dwell in thought on this, more and more.  Saints have taken a lifetime to grasp it."
~Jesus, in God Calling

#4.  Accomplish your daily tasks with joy.  After spending time in silence and allowing God to speak to you in it and through Scripture, we have things that must be done.  We do not live on an island or in a vacuum (Thank goodness, because if I lived in my vacuum, I would be really dirty).  See every task and person as God Himself asking something of you, and the joy will come on its own.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for another gorgeous day, where we can feel Your love through the sun on our faces and the breeze on our skin!  Thank you for the gift of a new heart every time we ask for it.  Thank you for Your unfathomable mercy.  It allows me to come to You as often as I need, without worrying about using up my quota of chances, forgiveness, and love.  Please help us be the person that You intended us to be, and give us the grace to see and remove those things that block Your Divine Action.  Help us to be more, and do less, especially when it is not for love and in the service of our brother.  Amen.

Innumerable Actions of Very Little Importance

I haven't written in a while, because I haven't encountered anything that could inspire more than a sentence or two.  That hasn't really changed, but enough time has passed that a many "sentence or two" can turn out to be something worth reading. 

I read my favorite book ever, Abandonment to Divine Providence by Fr. Jean Pierre de Caussade a year ago on my Kindle.  I highlighted the book in its entirety (practically).  Normally, when I read a paper book, I handwrite the things I want to remember in another book for easier reference.  However, I used the lazy Kindle highlighting function, so I am just now going back and writing all of the quotes I loved, basically the whole thing.

"Review your life.  Is it not composed of innumerable actions of very little importance?  Well, God is quite satisfied with these.  They are the share that the soul must take in the work of its perfection."

Lately, my share in the work of my soul's perfection has consisted of cancelling my gym membership, cleaning the house, and facilitating a class for women at my Church.

I cancelled my gym membership because I would have to drag my 3-year-old out of the house 5 days a week to get 3 workouts in.  I'm already committed the other two.  It's not fair to him and it frees us up, alot.  I can work out while he's playing on the jungle gym or "walk the street" in front of my house while he's napping.  So far so good.

As for housecleaning, I dusted off a cleaning chart I made some years ago and am putting it back to work!  My husband helped me arrive at this resolution by reminding me (after several weeks of stewing on it) that he goes to work everyday; That's his job.  My "job" is to care for the kiddos that are home and take care of the house.  That's the deal.

Before I could admit that he was right, I had to remind him that he works for a paycheck.  I work to please him (Lord knows the kids don't care about whether the blinds are dusted!!).  For a while, it seemed like there wasn't much I could do to please him, so it was killing my motivation a little (read: a lot).  I told him that even though he likes his job, if he stopped getting paid, he might be inclined to quit showing up.  Same here.

To make a short story long, He was right and I had to spend a few days figuring out how to work cleaning back in the schedule, but we're back to good and the house is happy. 

By the way, one of my most invaluable tools for planning my time, is my Miranous planner.  Miranda Walichowski designed it and illustrates on every page what our priorities should be.  All you have to do is fill in the space to put in the specifics from your life:  God, Family, S.E.L.F. (Social, Emotional, Leisure, Fitness), Home, and Work.  You can check out her stuff at www.miranous.com.  I stopped using my planner over the summer and could have avoided the "housecleaning issue" with my husband if I would not have done that!

Lastly, a word about the power of the spoken word...

I talked to an old friend from KS a couple of weeks ago.  After a little catching up, he asked me how my family was doing.  I said, "Great."  He said, "I heard you were getting a divorce.  It really upset me to hear that."  I asked who he heard that from and he said "Oh, I think it went through just about everybody (all of the people we used to work with)".I said, "Frank, that's not true.  Everything is fine.  There isn't a bit of truth to that."  He was relieved and so was I! 

I didn't expect that weird conversation to hang with me, but it did.  I texted my husband about the conversation and my phone rang as soon as I hit "Send".  "What?  Who said that?  Who told him that?"  and so on...  I was amused at first that someone still cared enough about me to start a rumor 10 years after working with me, but then it just unsettled me.  Thoughts like, "Is everything okay in my marriage?  Is there something I don't know? After all, I live with my husband and he seemed just as shocked as I was, so surely there's nothing to it."  It sounds ridiculous even to write this, but that is the power of the word!  A great reminder to only speak truth and life!     

Dear Creator and Redeemer, Thank you for giving us the Word made flesh.  Thank you for teaching us about the power of our words, through your Son.  Thank you for planners (and the people who make them) that begin and end the day with You.  Thank you for marriage and the way it makes us better people.  Thank you for housecleaning charts and all of the other ways we can be held accountable.  Thank you for giving us Your grace when we ask for it, as we continue each day with innumberable actions of very little importance.  I hope You really are satisfied with those.  I love you.  Amen.

Around the Corner

Yesterday afternoon, the boys and I went to Roger's house - an in-progress, fixer-upper in North Bryan.  Roger goes to church with my mother-in-law and she has been helping out some with his Around the Corner ministry:  food, clothing, a place to sleep, a shower, and/or Bible study, all in his house.  He is a man with a past who lives for the present and gives other people everything he's got to help them survive (and get to Heaven). 

Several years ago, he moved to TX from Chicago, trying to flee the cold weather and the death sentence that comes with the gang activity he was accustomed to.  He says, "The only way you get out of that place is to die or for God to call you out."

After squatting in this abandoned house on Hall Street, he got to meet the man who owned it.  Providence would have it that this elderly man's vision for that home and Roger's vision matched perfectly.  At the end of their conversation, Roger had the keys and the money to begin his mission.

Many people come and go.  It's one of the few places that will answer the door at 3am and serve food through an iron bar door if you're too drunk or high to come in.  Roger pointed out that churches usually close at 5, and if they are open later, it is probably for social events. 

Today, Roger and two other men live in the house.  One was hit by a car and had nowhere to go when he was released from the hospital.  A taxi cab dropped him off.  The other man's family lives across the street, but they don't have enough room for everybody, so he lives at Roger's, too. 

We had the chance to have a water balloon fight and eat dinner with 7 kids from the neighborhood.  During the school year, there are a lot of kids that get picked up after school and receive formation from A&M students a couple of days a week.  Their parents are often single and gang-affiliated.  However, they eventually come for a meal, too and Roger's house has become "neutral ground".  Two opposing gangs ate Thanksgiving dinner together this past year without incident.  Roger says, "They know God is here."

Before we left, Roger showed us the last of a DVD series entitled something like "Are you a fan or a follower?".  It basically illustrated lives of people that previously knew of God and their transformation into people who knew God.

I reflected on this on my way home, wondering if my own faith has been too weakly or insufficiently lived out.  Being in a former crackhouse in a poor neighborhood and watching the steady flow of people coming and going made me ask, "Should I Be Doing Something More?"  "Should I be more like Roger?"

In short time, God assured me that we are all called, but we are not all called to the same thing.  We have the same mission, but it looks different for each of us.  We are called to feed Jesus' sheep.  To take care of each other.  To extend mercy.

Roger is feeding the lost, broken, addicted, and run-over.  I am feeding my husband, children and occasionally a few others.  I am trying to "feed" those who read my blog, who are in classes at Church, and those who need help getting to Mass. 

Earlier in the day, I was visiting a friend in the hospital.  Just as we arrived, someone from our Church brought him Communion.  He was feeding the sick.  We can "feed" people with a smile.  We can "feed" people with a sincere compliment or eye contact that says, "I can see you, and you have value."  Christianity is in the food business.  We are called to feed others, just as Jesus did.  Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

My Dad and stepmom just returned from the Holy Land.  One thing that struck them was that most of Jesus' ministry took place within a radius of 90 miles.  We do not have to go far...

Dear Awesome God, How do you make it all work?!  It is so beautiful that You use all of our hardships to help us love others so keenly.  Thank you for calling Roger out of the gangs of Chicago to a place where his love and street smarts are desperately needed.  Thank you for his courage and perseverance.  Please continue to bless him for his faithfulness to You.  Please give me the grace to be bold for You.  Please help me to live *Holy Audacity: To become a living force for all mankind, a light shining in the world...To be a radiant light as I stand beside Christ, the great light, bathed in the glory of Him who is the light of heaven.  Amen.

*Quote from St. Gregory Nazianzen card (the one I drew at my silent retreat in February)

When It Can't Come From You

Yesterday my oldest son had an opportunity to spend the day with about 40 other boys and a couple of priests, to learn about themselves and their faith, and having a blast doing it.  Sounds nice, right?  Yes, but it is so much more than nice!  If my son wasn't invited to participate in this experience, how else could I create it?  I couldn't.  Where else could he gather the fruit from a day like that?  Nowhere.  I neither have the know-how or desire to be able to pull something like that together.  This is not an experience he could have "made up" in a week or two if he missed this one.

So, why is it so important that he have this experience?  Because right now he is a boy who more easily believes in ghosts and aliens than in God.  Something about reading a few lines about ghosts in a non-fiction book is more convincing to him than the Bible, the Mass, etc...  The more opportunities I create to discuss God and/or godly things, the more resistant he seems to become.  I am learning that it cannot come from me.  Is it because he needs to learn these truths from his father, or another man, or his peers?  Is it because he is the oldest?  His brothers are very open-minded.  Is it because I haven't loved him well enough to trust what I am saying to him?  I don't know the answer, but I know what we need to do.

One of the priests said our children need 3 things to thrive in the spiritual life:
1.  Prayer
2.  Spiritual direction
3.  Retreats (like what he did yesterday)

I bought The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie O'Martian this morning, at the recommendation of my stepmom.  I am going to make sure that I don't fail him on Number 1!  As for the other two, I am going to make sure I keep informed of the opportunities available and take them as they come at www.texasconquest.com.

I was relaying some of this to my sister yesterday, and she said it well, speaking of her own experience, "I love it when other people can do my job."  I'm realizing a little more each day that I can't give them everything they need.  It really does take a village and I am so grateful that I know where the village is!!!   

I realize that I have been using most of my spiritual energy on myself - to get my prayer life in order and to make sure I have my priorities straight.  I pray for each one at the beginning of each day, but I don't pray with them, unless it is before meals or at bedtime.  I have made my prayer time just that, mine.  I am going to start inviting my boys into prayer at times when I have previously just done it on my own...Like praying the Angelus at noon and Divine Mercy chaplet at 3:00. 

I know that my sons are and will be my greatest contribution to this world.  I want to help them believe in God's love and to live in light of it, with the example of my life.

Dear Loving and Gracious Father, Thank you for Sonia, Steve, and the priests who poured themselves out to make yesterday's "Boy Day" happen.  Thank you for their gifts and their love.  Lord, please help me lead my boys to You.  Help me know when to push and when to pull back.  Lord, please prevent me from leading them away from You, always and forever.  Please grant me wisdom, patience, and love.  Please give me Your peace when I feel like I'm doing it all wrong.  Jesus, I trust in You.  Amen.

Uncomfortable Enough to Change

I met with my women's group at Church for an "Encounter with Christ" this morning for the first time since May.  It was wonderful to see them and the conversation and discussion were fruitful and positive, as always.  However, after I got home I realized a slight uneasiness, a discomfort.  I remember this feeling is not uncommon for me after these meetings; it's just been a while since I've been to one.  As I tried to get at the root of this feeling that seems paradoxical to the actual experience , it occurred to me...I have been challenged.  I feel a little uncomfortable because I know I could be doing better.  I got glimpses into three other lives which are lived striving after holiness, day after day.  Lives who all have aspects that are better or holier than mine.  This is not because they condemned or preached to me, but things that I can see for myself.  This is not a pity party or a competition, but a call to something more.  To respond to a more complete view of the Truth and to live in the light of that Truth.

I read something in the past day or two about iron sharpening iron.  Today, I am thankful for these "iron" women.  They make me better, sharper.  If it weren't for them, I would not know what I am not doing.  I would likely be satisfied that I'm doing enough.  Enough for God.  Enough for my family.  Enough for my neigbor. 

"God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy," as George MacDonald says.  Sounds about right.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for sisters and friends who lead us to You.  Thank you for their faithfulness and for helping me through them and glimpses into their lives.  Thank you for so many helps as I try to figure it all out in this pilgrim land.  Please continue to put people in my life who challenge me to be more like You.  Please continue to give me the grace to recognize when I am uncomfortable because I need to change and help me to make the changes necessary.  I want to please and satisfy You.  Your grace is sufficient for me.  Amen.

In the Presence of Greatness

I'm sorry if you've been looking for something from me and there has been nothing new!  Summer and the ever-presence of my kiddos seems to have my brain functioning in a new and much slower way, with considerably less critical thinking going on (unless that includes menu planning and how I'm going to get everyone to be quiet at the same time)! 

However, I want to share with you a brief look into a meal and a very fast year with a very holy man.  A priest.  One of our parish priests is leaving our parish, perhaps prematurely.  Vague statements are made about letters to the bishop, dissatisfaction with his Nigerian accent, and his direct way of speaking.  This priest is one who worked his way into our hearts very quickly, with his booming voice and laughter, and his million-dollar smile.  Above all though, we came to love and respect his love for God and consequently, his availability to us. 

As a cradle Catholic, I've known many priests, but never one who has made himself more available than Fr. Uche.  During Christmastime, my husband secretly bought a statue of Mary for my back patio and as a double-gift, stopped by the Church to have it blessed.  Who did he find enjoying a pizza party, but Fr. Uche?  Upon my husband's request, he dropped everything, and gave the blessing with great joy.

Later in the year, I was having a big religious discussion with a friend and didn't want to make a misstep.  Shortly after, I ran into him during religion class drop off, so I ran my dilemma by him.  He was at my house between the Masses later that day. 

Word came that his time at our parish was coming to a close, so we had him over for dinner this past week.  He was a very gracious guest and we enjoyed his presence immensely.  The presence of greatness and holiness.  His presence has a way of helping you see your own life more clearly.  His passion cuts through confusion while leaving room for respect.  It is life-giving.  As my three-year-old son thanked God for him during our mealtime prayer, I thanked God for him, too.

At his farewell dinner at the Church yesterday, the room was packed.  When he spoke, he acknowledged that we were not there for food (we had that at home) nor even for him, but for God.  However, what he did not acknowledge, is that his love, passion, and presence are God's gift to us, through him, and his docility to the Holy Spirit.

He embodies a goal I will be reaching toward until my death.  The goal of striving to please God more than man. 

You must not let your peace of mind depend on what people say about you.  The construction they put on your actions may be correct or false; that doesn't make a different man of you.  Where will you find true peace, real glory?  It is in me (God), as you well know.  The man who is neither bent upon pleasing his fellows nor afraid of offending them will enjoy great peace.  It is from affections allowed to run wild and from baseless fears that all disquiet of heart arises..." - Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ

Dear God, Thank you for Fr. Uche!  Thank you for Fr. Edwin and all priests who serve You and bring You to us.  Please bless them superabundantly for their fidelity, self-sacrifice, and their love.  Please help them to keep strong in the face of adversity and to adhere to You and Your truth even more.  We rely on them to deliver Your Word, to serve as a visual reminder of  Your Presence, and a million other things.  Thank you for the gift of the priesthood and for all of the men whom have responded to Your call.  Please help me to be more like them in their singleness of purpose, commitment to You, and love for all people.  Amen.

Equation for Holiness

According to St. Maximilian Kolbe, achieving holiness is as simple as the following equation:

W + w = S

W (God's will) united to w (your will) = Sanctity (holiness)

Dear God, please help me to give you my little w.  Amen.