Friendship and the Power to Change the World

It's barely 8:00 on Sunday morning, and I have walked for 30 minutes, prayed the Rosary (during my walk), and finished my morning prayer.  All of my boys are still asleep.  I cannot tell you how good this feels!  I want to share this with you, because it's new and it's happening because of the influence of one person. 

Yesterday, I downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my phone, and headed out the door at 6:45am to begin Day 1.  I arrived back home in 30 minutes sweaty and satisfied.  I dropped my gym membership about a year ago, and haven't done much of anything since then.  I just couldn't commit nor did I even want to.  Until two days ago.

Two days ago, I got together with a friend who has three boys (like me) and a 7-month-old baby girl.  She was wearing her workout clothes when we arrived, so I pressed about her exercise routine.  She told me she gets up early before her kids wake and walks/jogs for 20 minutes, and she's not a runner.  One of her earliest nicknames was "Turtle".  This blew me away.  She has one more little one than I do, is not "good" at running, and she was still finding a way to exercise! 

Just knowing that she was doing it, was all I needed!  She changed my world.  There was other fruit from the time spent together as well, and I found myself marveling at the impact she made on me in the span of a morning.

It just so happens that my boys and I have had a lot of friend time this week, and I felt similarly inspired and challenged after each encounter.  Feeling very blessed in friendship, pondering the impact of those friendships, and making concrete changes in my life because of them was the perfect thought environment to enter into the Living Life With Passion and Purpose talk by Matthew Kelly I attended yesterday.

He had a lot of compelling things to say about the voice of God, personal clarity, Jesus, and being who you should be, and I plan to ponder them for some time.  I highly encourage you to check him out if you are looking to change your life in a powerful and positive way. 

One of the things that really stuck with me was the idea of a Spectrum of Engagement.  In any given area of our life (marriage, parenting, work, play) we engage anywhere from 100% to not-at-all.  "We engage or disengage in EVERYTHING we do".  He discussed what their research has shown about the two qualities highly engaged people always have:

1.  They're committed to continuous learning.
2.  They're hungry for best practices.  (Who's the best in the world at this and what can I learn from them?)

He also discussed the idea of universal talent vs. unique talent.  Universal talent is something we can all do.  Our universal talent is the ability to make a difference in other people's lives.  But, because we all have it, we tend to de-value it.  This is in contrast to unique talent (being exceptional at something), which is the type of talent our culture is obsessed with.  "Our culture takes what's important and makes it trivial, and takes what's trivial and makes it important."

These ideas took me back to thinking about my friends.  My friends are highly engaged people.  Only I never would have thought to label them before.  This is what attracts me to them.  This is why they challenge and inspire me.  This is why I need to make a better effort (which in my case, is any), to spend time with them. 

I am the beneficiary of my friends' universal talent - Their ability to make a difference in the lives of others, and specifically, my own.  In my conscious thought, if I could choose between being the best in the world at something, or having the power to impact another's life for good, I would choose the second.  Every time.

But, in my subconscious mind, it is easy to fantasize about the first and overlook the second.  The "bests" in the world are easy to envy.  Their lives are so "pretty" from the outside.  But, this past week with my friends, and listening to Matthew Kelly reminded me of the power contained in friendship.

Fr. Scott Reilly says, "Every person is a world.  Change one person, you change a world." 

I don't know who is the best in the world at being a wife, a mother, or a friend.  But, I know who are the best in my world, and that's all I need to know.


Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for my friends, and the power of their example!!  Thank you for the opportunity to listen to Matthew Kelly speak yesterday and the seeds that were planted.  Thank you for friends who reach out, even and especially when it's not "their turn".  Please forgive my selfishness and lack of generosity.  Please help me to value what is important, devalue what is trivial, and know the difference.  Thank you for couch to 5K phone apps, and rosaries on podcast.  Thank you for Sundays and the freedom we have in this country to worship You without fear.  I love You and I thank You from the bottom of my heart for giving me companions on this journey who make me better.  Amen.

A New Heart - Part II

If we repent of our sins, (tell God we're sorry and turn away from them), and ask Christ for a new heart, He will give it to us.  If we ask Christ for a new heart prematurely (before repenting), we block His action by putting ourselves and our sin in His way.  So, let's assume we've asked God's forgiveness, we're making every human effort to do better, and Jesus has given us a new heart. 

How do we honor and preserve this gift?  If we fail to act and let our new heart remain a lofty ideal, then we didn't need to bother asking for a new heart in the first place.  Action is necessary and must be specific.  So, what should it look like?  You can probably come up with a laundry list of your own here, but I'm simple and into "fail-safe" ideas, so feel free to borrow if you need a little inspiration.

#1.  Empty yourself.  Mother Teresa says, "Even God Himself cannot fill what is already full."  Ask yourself what you fill yourself up with (especially in those moments when you feel the void that only God can fill).  Facebook?  Email?  Food?  Shopping?  Texting friends?  Family?  Yes.  Yes.  No.  No!  Yes.  Yes. 

Seriously, I just started "fasting" from my phone.  I'm trying to look at it only every two hours, (instead of every time I walk into the kitchen and see it on the counter).  If it weren't for the possible phone call from school for a sick kid, or keeping in touch with my husband, I would be tempted to lock it up somewhere and only pull it out after the kids were in bed.  At any rate, iPhone time is definitely something that is on my chopping block!     

#2.  Forgive others.  There's a line from a Sara Bareilles song that says, "I'm not the girl that I intend to be."  That's for sure.  What's your biggest obstacle to being the girl/guy that you intend to be?  If you are tempted to answer with the name of another, then your biggest obstacle is forgiveness.  If you don't want to forgive, then your first step is simple.  You need to ask God for the desire.

#3.  Wait on the Lord.  Cultivate silence.  Begin your day in prayer and in Scripture.  You cannot walk through your day with your Savior, if you don't meet up with Him in the morning.  Yes, other prayer times are good (and necessary!), but kicking off your day with Jesus is non-negotiable if you want to dwell in His peace.  There's no gettin' around it.

Do not be too ready to do, just be.  I said "Be ye therefore perfect", not do perfect things.  Try and grasp this.  Individual efforts avail nothing.  It is only the work of My Spirit that counts.  Dwell in thought on this, more and more.  Saints have taken a lifetime to grasp it."
~Jesus, in God Calling

#4.  Accomplish your daily tasks with joy.  After spending time in silence and allowing God to speak to you in it and through Scripture, we have things that must be done.  We do not live on an island or in a vacuum (Thank goodness, because if I lived in my vacuum, I would be really dirty).  See every task and person as God Himself asking something of you, and the joy will come on its own.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for another gorgeous day, where we can feel Your love through the sun on our faces and the breeze on our skin!  Thank you for the gift of a new heart every time we ask for it.  Thank you for Your unfathomable mercy.  It allows me to come to You as often as I need, without worrying about using up my quota of chances, forgiveness, and love.  Please help us be the person that You intended us to be, and give us the grace to see and remove those things that block Your Divine Action.  Help us to be more, and do less, especially when it is not for love and in the service of our brother.  Amen.

Fake It 'Til You Make It

What a super night!  A great combination of hilarity and pride (not the kind that says you're better than everybody else, but the kind you feel for your kids when they exceed your expectations).

My husband and I decided to let the 6 and 7-year-old boys try out for the local swim club.  They love to swim.  Their Daddy loves to swim.  I love to swim.  Their 3-year-old brother loves to swim.  And our 17-year-old-neighbor-idol-superhero-rockstar loves to swim.  If being surrounded by awesome swimmers makes them awesome swimmers, they are in!

We showed up with 25 other first-timers, grabbed the necessary form on the way in and took our seat at the end of the bleachers to await instruction.  I returned the form and reclaimed my seat.  "Where are the boys?" I ask my husband.  He says, "I thought they were with you."  We quickly scan the bleachers and then the pool, where the current team members are practicing on the far end.

I say, "That looks like B-Man!" (in a lane with a bunch of other swimmers with kickboards).  He says, "There's Walker right behind him!"  Sure enough.  They came to swim, so they just grabbed a kickboard and jumped in!  I guess they figured the only reason to ever wait to get in the water at the swimming pool was for sunscreen, and since we were indoors, there was no reason to wait!  The coach didn't even seem to notice a couple of extra swimmers, except when they were going the wrong way.  Hopefully, this isn't a "You had to be there" kind of story, because it was hilarious.

I think "Fake It Til You Make It" really is a more legitimate approach than it sounds.  Tonight was a great illustration of "If it looks like an Aggie Club swimmer, acts like an Aggie Club swimmer, and smells like an Aggie Club Swimmer, it must be an Aggie Club Swimmer!" The coach who evaluated them when their turn finally came loved their enthusiasm and he didn't even know about their unauthorized warm-up.  We loved their enthusiasm, too, and hope it continues, especially when they realize there is way more to learn than what they already know!

Dear God, Thank you for tonight.  Amen.

I Love This Prayer!! Maybe One Day I Can Live It!

Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of my life, in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied.  Let me put myself aside, to think of the happiness of others, to hide my little pains and heartaches, so that I may be the only one to suffer from them.  Teach me to profit from the suffering that comes across my path.  Let me so use it that is may mellow me, not harden nor embitter me; that it may make me patient not irritable.  That it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow, haughty and overbearing.  May no one be less good for having come within my influence.  No one less pure, less true, less kind, less noble for having been a fellow traveler in our journey toward Eternal Life.  As I go my rounds from one distraction to another, let me whisper from time to time, a word of love to Thee.  May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity.

~John Henry Newman, nineteenth century

Choices

This is sort of Part B to yesterday's post... From time to time, I realize the weight that each choice in my life carries and how unconciously or selfishly I make them most of the time. 

I felt continual pressure and guilt when my kids were younger (before they started school). When I was cooking or cleaning, I felt like I should be spending time with my boys. When I was spending time with my boys, I felt like I should be doing something around the house. I became very occupied with trying to figure out how much of my day was supposed to be spent with my kiddos. I even called and wrote to Focus on the Family. My thinking was that if we know how many hours of sleep the average person needs, surely they can figure out, on average, what percentage of our time needs to be spent engaging our kids. However, they were no help. They just assured me that I was a good mother for even asking the question, said there's no way to know (the same kid can have different needs on different days), and left me to my own devices.

Following is my journal entry from January 16, 2011, which illustrates one of the times when my choices forced me to look at them head-on:

I am wondering how many choices I make in a day's time.  Not about what to eat or what to wear, but about what to do next.  There are things I now do automatically because of choices I made a long time ago.  For example, today is Sunday.  I will go to church at 11.  No brainer.  This no longer registers as a choice in my brain.  Just as, when I wake up every morning, I drink a cup of coffee and read something to feed my spirit and help me live my beliefs.  So today, I'm going to focus on those moments when I am choosing what to do next, not the choices that are made for me, like  making meals to feed my family, changing a diaper, etc...  I want to make choices based on what is important to me.  (end)
For the 7 days that followed, I kept track of how many actual choices I made during a normal work day.  The number of recorded choices I made in a day ranged from 4 to 13.  Anything from playing Legos, sweeping the floor, to reading a book.  The choices can be lumped into three groups:  Spending time with the kids, Cleaning/Cooking/Errands, Doing something for myself.  Out of 39 total choices, the boys got 46% of my time, the house/chores got 33%, and I got 21%.

I am happy to see that my boys got more time than anything else, but I also know it isn't always that way.  I want to give them more of myself, but they are getting older and don't seem very interested most of the time.  They would rather play a video game or play with their friends.  After all, I'm not very good at playing guns or swords (probably because I don't really know what to do and I don't really enjoy it).  Instead, I offer to play Uno, Battleship, but that isn't usually what they have in mind, either.  I think this is a natural progression, but in the poorly lit corner of my mind, I still wonder "Maybe they just gave up on me a long time ago (because I've been too selfish) and they have ruled me out as somebody to play with."

The important thing for me to realize is that it is not about whether or not they take me up on my offer.  It is about seeking them out and offering them my most coveted gift, my time.  If they don't accept, then I can let go of the guilt (at least for a little while).  So, for now, I will make it a point to make myself available to each one of my boys at least once a day, and they can take it or leave it. I'm going to write their names on the white board on my refrigerator.  Once I've offered, I'll put a smiley face by their name.  Accountability is good.

"The diminuitive chains of habit are generally too small to be felt, till they are too strong to be broken."  - Unknown-

Dear Heavenly Father, I am going to have to stand before you one day and give an account for my life.  I am going to see all of the times when I passed up opportunities to love and serve You, my family, and those people you have placed in my life.  Please forgive me where I have fallen short.  Please give me the grace to do better by living more selflessly, starting right now.  Thank you for time, chances, and choices.  You are a loving, generous, and merciful God.  I love you.  Amen.

Becoming the Best-Version-of-Yourself

"Well, Max, if a fish is good at being a fish, and a bird is good at being a bird, then you Max, are good at being Max.  You are not here to be Michael or Hannah or Will, you are here to be you...You are here to become the-best-version-of-yourself." 

 My stepmom (Grandma Meg) just bought this book for my boys and excitedly read it to them a couple of nights in a row at bedtime.  The source of this quote and this idea are already making a huge impact in my family's life. It is entitled Why am I Here? - a story about becoming the-best-version-of-yourself! by Matthew Kelly.

Yesterday, on the way home from school, one of my son's friends fell off of his bike.  His elbow was all bloody and he kept holding one of his shoulders.  My boys jumped into action!  One of them ran home (unbeknownst to me) and came back with a Band-Aid.  My other son walked his friend's bike to his mom.  When we got home, my oldest son said, "I need to call Grandma Meg!!"  "Why?", I asked.  He said, "I need to tell her about being the-best-version-of-myself!!!  She told me to call her when that happens!"  So, he called and I think his Grandma has had few prouder moments.  He got it!

He was so thrilled at having been the-best-version-of-himself that he wanted to find more things to do.  He made a card for his friend and we rode bikes over to his house to hand-deliver it.  His friend wasn't home, so he just left it at the front door, but he was beaming!  He was so proud of himself and I know he is eager to repeat the experience of being the-best-version-of-himself and the wonderful feelings that go with it.

If you have children and want them to become the best-version-of-themselves, this book is an awesome way to communicate what that looks like, and they can grasp it!!  It is an awesome way to start the conversation.  It's good for grown-ups, too!

I don't think we can be reminded too often that the sum of our life is simply all of our daily choices added up.  Our choices are important! 

Dear God, Thank you for the idea of becoming the-best-version-of-ourselves.  We know what you want from us, but it is not always easy to put it into words or understand what it is supposed to look like.  Thank you for grandmas and people who want the very best for us and our children, and who know how to love them well.  Thank you for children and so many chances to make the best choice.  I love you.  Amen.