Singing For the Belly Dancers

I did something tonight I haven't done for years.  I sang and played the guitar at a once-a-month-downtown-stays-up-late event called First Friday.  I set up in my old place, but other than the buildings looking the same, it wasn't anything like it used to be.  Now, there's an approval process, obtaining and posting your permit, snow cones, kettle corn, clowns, musicians scattered about, and lots and lots of people.

As I continually discern God's will for my life, I consistently have the feeling that music is supposed to be part of what I'm doing.  But, it is so easy to talk myself out of it.  I keep asking myself, "Can a simple girl like me, singing simple songs, with a simple guitar played very simply, really glorify the Lord?  I'm sure the answer is yes.  At least I'm sure in my head.  Or is it in my heart that I'm sure?  I'm not really sure where I'm sure, I guess.  But, I'm pretty sure.

When you're only one person and you can't agree with yourself, I think it is important to make an effort to stay as objective as possible.  To that end, I've kept a little book for several months now of reasons I should keep singing.  It starts with a note to myself, and is slowly being filled with encouragement to praise God, for as many reasons as there are ways.

                                                         

With the exception of one entry, it is all Scripture.  The exception is pretty exceptional, though, and my mind returns to it often.

When we sing, we repossess some of the Eden that we lost when Adam fell...Music stirs our hearts and engages our souls in ways we can't describe.  When this happens, we are taken beyond our earthly banishment back to the divine melody Adam knew when he sang with the angels, when he was whole in God, before his exile...the devil...forever plots how to make humanity stop singing...The devil wants to thwart confession, stop forgiveness, and silence our songs of praise, because they frighten him.  
-St. Hildegard of Bingen

And so, I sing.  Opportunities come up here and there, things go well, and momentum builds.  And instead of just accepting opportunities that come, you start looking for them.  And you end up at First Friday, because you can and it's free.

And you come without a microphone or amplifier because you can't remember if you need all of that. You don't have it anyway, so going without makes a lot of sense.  The open parking spot, a stone's throw from where I was supposed to set up, was a sure sign of God's providence.  With my first tune underway, I noticed some activity across the street.  A sound check was proof their amplifier was working.  The shimmery skirts, bare midriffs, and cameras were working, too.

Oh, man.  Maybe I was a little premature about crediting providence for my parking spot, because I was pretty sure this wasn't where I wanted to be.  Do you know that feeling when a beautiful girl walks in the room and you go from feeling normal/great/beautiful to ugly?  Blech.  Have you seen Monsters Inc.?  I felt like Randy, the purple chameleon, blending into the wall of the St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store.

How those girls have that kind of courage and move like that, I have no earthly idea.  Sheesh!  No wonder Herod offered half his kingdom! I'm pretty sure it was after watching something like this.  And I had to submit a video to make sure my music was family-friendly?!

So much for repossessing some of Eden before Adam fell.  I think he fell a bunch of times tonight.

And there I was, moving in and out of invisibility, wondering where I misunderstood what God was asking of me.  Until friends showed up.  And show up they did, in a steady trickle throughout the two-and-a-half hours I was there.  A pleasant surprise, every one of them.  In those moments, I felt like maybe I hadn't gotten it all wrong.

I was really grateful for those moments, too, because there were others that were as cringe-worthy as the friend-moments were terrific.  Like when the guy on a bicycle parked two feet from my face and told me I needed a pick, smack in the middle of nailing Amazing Grace.  Or when the little boy looked in my guitar case and said, "You only have one dollar in there.  We saw another guy who had a $20 bill in his."  And later, "You only have two dollars in there."  If only I needed an accountant.

His report got me thinking, though.  Either they're being very generous "over there", or I must suck, or he put that money in there himself.  This made me consider putting some of my own money in, to encourage other people to put their money in, but even the thought made me feel kind of sleazy.

So, I played until my fingers rebelled and my pride was begging me to go.  I laid my guitar on top of the four dollars in my case and saw somebody approaching out of the corner of my eye.  It was one of the belly dancers.  She introduced herself by saying, "We were across the street."  I wanted to laugh out loud.  I'm pretty sure everyone knew where they were.  I certainly did.  She offered me a dollar tip for my beautiful music and a sweet apology for their music being a little loud.  I was as charmed as I was flabbergasted.

It is easy to equate stares and applause with being observed, and assume that if we don't see ourselves being observed, then we're not being observed!  I would have bet any amount of money they neither saw nor heard me.  It's a good thing I didn't.

And that's the thing.  You just don't know.

So, you dance like nobody's watching, and you sing like you're in the Garden of Eden, and you beg God for the courage to do it again, and get chicken strips and an icy Coke on the way home because you're proud of yourself for trying, even if it wasn't anything at all like what you imagined it would be, and you're glad it's over, and you've been reminded that friends and carbonated drinks make everything better.    


 
  

Robin Williams and Us

Remember the 1991 movie, Hook, where Robin Williams starred as Peter Banning and became "The Pan"?  It's a movie one of my brothers and I have been quoting for over 20 years... "You're afraid you're going to get sucked out!"  Anyway, the family and I finished watching it again tonight.  It's the first Robin Williams movie I've seen since he died.  And, I'm sad.  I'm sad that he's gone from the world. 

As I was watching it, I noticed all of the people he acted and interacted with in the movie.  He was their husband, father, nephew, rival, and leader.  Of course, he wasn't these things to them in real life.  But, he was real and they were real, and their lives really did slam magnificently into each other, at least as long as the movie was being filmed. 

I think about how sad I am, and how I didn't even know him.  So, what about all of the kids he worked with in that movie who are probably 30 somethings now?  How do they feel, and how did they feel when they heard he took his life?  He must have seemed larger-than-life to them.  What is the personal impact of thinking someone is larger-than-life, and then having them opt out?!  I think about all of the movies he's filmed, and all of the lives he's touched during the filming, and can't imagine how many people that must be.  And those are just the people he's worked with.  It doesn't even include the people he loved, and spent time with, and supported.  

How about my life?  Your life?  Not that much different, really.  Smaller scale?  Maybe.  Cameras? Probably not.  Impact?  Definitely.  We're filming a movie a day, or writing a page a day if you prefer... 

The Holy Spirit with the pen of His power writes a living Gospel, but a Gospel that cannot be read until it has left the press of this life, and has been published on the day of eternity.  Oh! great history! grand book written by the Holy Spirit in this present time - It is still in the press.  There is never a day when the type is not arranged, when the ink is not applied, or the pages are not primed. 
~  Abandonment to Divine Providence, Jean Pierre de Caussade

Robin Williams was a comedic genius.  There will never be another one like him.  He was exceptional and unrepeatable.  And the thing is, that his unrepeatability is the thing we all have in common!  He may have been more distinctive and more well-known, but he is no less likely to be duplicated than anyone else.  It is impossible for any of us to be duplicated.  There are other funny people who make the world laugh, but they are not Robin Williams, and they never will be.  After we go, there may be some who are like us, in body, soul, or spirit.  But, they will never be us.    

As my mother once carefully printed on a bookmark for me, with my name cut out and glued at the top...

You are the

Unique,

Unrepeatable,

Irreplaceable

Presentation of the

Face of GOD

To the people

Of your time  

 

St. John Paul II

 

 

Dear God of peoples little and well-known,

 

Thank you for great movies and the talent you give to those who make them come alive.  Thank you for the gift of laughter and all who bring it.  Please comfort all who are left behind when someone they love takes their own life, and have mercy on those who do the taking.  Eternal rest grant unto Robin Williams, O Lord, and let Perpetual Light shine upon him.  May he rest in peace.  Amen.

Day Of Reflection, Revisited

This is officially the longest amount of time I've gone between posts in almost two years.  I thought maybe my time as a "blogger" had expired.  The inspirations stopped coming.  However, a friend asked me for my notes from a Day of Reflection that our Regnum Christi group hosted on January 18th.  She spent the whole time in the kitchen, so she and (those working with her) fed others, but didn't get spiritually fed themselves.  So, this is for them, for you, and a beautiful red-headed lady whose smile spans the miles between here and the Netherlands.

I apologize in advance, if my notes seem disjointed.  I take them for myself, so I only write down things I haven't heard before, or things that resonate.  However, there are enough single thoughts contained here to make it worth your while.

Day Of Reflection Notes, January 18, 2014

Fr. Michael Sullivan, L.C.:  Heart to Heart With Jesus and His Emotions, Attractions (desires), and Difficulties:

*According to St. Thomas Aquinas, everything Jesus said, did, and suffered was for our instruction.
Christ's words instruct, change, and purify us.

*LOVE or get freed up to love - this is business of life.

*We carry two things in our hands when we go to Heaven:                                                          
1.  What we've done for God. 
2.  What we've done for others.

*There are three stages in the spiritual life:
1.  Self-denial
2.  Growth in virtue
3.  Union with God

*Addiction - any repeated behavior based on craving with more cost than benefit.

*A bird on a branch can't fly whether tethered by floss or a heavy chain.

*Ask yourself, "What if God likes me?"  It changes everything.  When you are all-powerful, you make stuff you like!

*The Our Father prayer tells us everything we're supposed to want, and in the order we're supposed to want it.  It can be summed up in the Scripture, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you besides."  Ultimately, we are to love God for His own sake, and our neighbor for God's sake. 

*Faith and Hope are God's gifts to me.  Love is my return to God.  Love is the only thing that remains in Heaven. 

*How we react to difficulties in life is WAY MORE important than what we're reacting to!

*Christ's Difficulties - His Agony in the Garden:  After He sweat blood, Jesus neither sat, slept, was understood, nor consoled for 14 hours.

*Fear - We experience fear when we perceive future evil that we cannot overcome.  The opposite of fear is courage.  Read John 15 when you are afraid.

*Neurosis - Being afraid, but not knowing what of.

*We can understand ourselves and others better, if we take time to learn what we/they are avoiding.

*St. Thomas Aquinas says Matthew, Mark, and Luke tell us what Jesus did.  John tells us why.

*Sadness - resting in the presence of evil.  Read John 14 when you are sad.

*Joy - resting in the presence of good.

*Love is always the beginning of hate.

Fr. Timothy Mulcahey, L.C.:

*To evangelize - follow the Holy Spirit's lead.  God will put opportunities to serve in your path; just say "Yes".

*God is calling us to do something.  Something fueled by charity.  For love of God and neighbor.  Other motives are vanity, pride, duty, guilt.  These are not good motives.

*Matthew 25

*If I work on loving my brother and sister, my love for Christ increases.

*Goal of Apostolate (Works for God):
1.  Salvation of souls
2.  Affect the whole temporal order toward the Gospel.  Help renew society.
3. Walk on two legs:  prayer and work

*Read Forming Intentional Disciples by Weddell:
1.  Personal encounter with the saving love of Jesus Christ - "What kind of love wouldn't need to speak of the beloved?"
2.  We need to recognize the spiritual favor of being "a people".  We're all in this together.
3.  Cultivate a passion for Jesus and a passion for people.

*I am a "mission" in this world, and that is why I'm here.  ~Pope Francis

*Christ triumphed.  Let Him lead the way.  When evangelizers rise from prayer, they are more open to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit.

Mary Mann, actress - Putting Our Heart Near Jesus' Sacred Heart

*Psalm 106:14-15, empty heart

*Proverbs 3:5-6

*Do what you do best and leave the consequences to God.

Questions for personal reflection:
1.  What would be different about your life if you choose to meet the expectations of God, and how would you know what God expects?
2.  Have you identified your gifts and talents?  How would they make a difference?  How are you using them for Christ?  (If you would like to see a list of possible gifts, visit my post at http://asoulaidbare.blogspot.com/2012/05/unwrapping-your-spiritual-gifts.html).
3.  If your intention is for the salvation of souls - How are you accomplishing that?
4.  In what way would you like to reflect the heart of God (His love)?

Fr. Nathaniel Haslam, L.C.:

*Do you share Jesus with those you meet?

*Three Reasons Why We Were Baptised:
1.  To be restored, because we were broken.
2.  To be elevated.  We have a dignity that pales all other beauty.
3.  To receive a missionary heart.

*Evangelium=Gospel=Earth-shattering news.  Read Evangelium Gaudium, Pope Francis.

*We come and go.  We can be on a box of Wheaties today, and forgotten completely tomorrow.

*Being a missionary is not an obligation or imposition - it is love; sharing the beloved and fruits of the relationship with Him.  A missionary heart does not retreat into its own comfort.  Other's hearts are being prepared to meet ME because I have Jesus to share with them.

*Tomb psychology transforms Christians into mummies in a museum - Get out of your comfort zone!
We'll only know who we've helped in eternity.

Dear Heavenly Father,  Thank you for warm houses on cold days.  Thank you for days of reflection, and the ability to enter into Your Presence at any moment.  Thank you for all of the people who feed us spiritually - who make the invisible, visible.  Forgive us for our shortcomings, and all of the obstacles we place in Your Way, Truth, and Life.  Please give us the grace to hear, understand, and respond to You.  Let us experience Your Love, and carry it to others.  Thank you for preparing hearts to meet ME, because they want to meet YOU.  Make us love you more and more.  Amen.

Love Anticipates

"None ever sought Me in vain.  I wait, wait with a hungry longing to be called upon; and I, who have already seen your hearts' needs before you cried upon Me, before perhaps, you were conscious of those needs yourself, I am already preparing the answer.

It is like a Mother, who is setting aside suitable gifts for her daughter's wedding, before Love even has come into the daughter's life.

The Anticipatory Love of God is a thing mortals seldom realize.  Dwell on this thought.  Dismiss from your minds the thought of a grudging God, who had to be petitioned with sighs and tears and much speaking before reluctantly He loosed the desired treasures.  Man's thoughts of Me need revolutionizing.

Try and see a Mother preparing birthday or Christmas delights for her child - the while her Mother-heart sings:  'Will she not love that?  How she will love this!'  and anticipates the rapture of her child, her own heart full of the tenderest joy.  Where did the Mother learn all this preparation-joy?  From Me - a faint echo of My preparation-joy.

Try to see this as plans unfold of My preparing.  It means much to Me to be understood, and the understanding of Me will bring great joy to you."

~Jesus speaks, in God Calling

We have several birthdays coming up in our house, and I've been thinking about what gifts would bring my children the greatest happiness.  So, this resonates with me.  I am planning great things for my children that they know nothing about.  Because I love them, I delight in coming up with ways to make them happy.  And Jesus says here, that my "preparation-joy" is a faint echo of His own.  Can you imagine?!! 

I feel like a child at Christmastime - Imagining all of the wonderful plans God must have for me!  Not only because I know the joy of preparing gifts for my loved ones, but because I have also received them.  In fact, I just received one of His well-prepared gifts this Saturday.  My Regnum Christi group hosted a "Women's Day of Reflection".  I volunteered to sing and was asked to conclude the program with an overview of the day.  So, I did.  And, that a gift from God! 

As you already know, one of my passions is to collect quotes and ideas that inspire me, and share them.  Normally, this blog is one of my few means to do that.  So, an opportunity to do it in a room full of women, face-to-face, was a great joy!  Most often, I love God by indirect means.  By loving and serving others.  But, on Saturday, I got to sing and speak for Him and about Him, directly.  I was able to use my God-given gifts and give them back to Him.  And, now, after reading about God's Anticipatory Love, I know that that was a gift He prepared for me.

Dear Heavenly Father,  Thank you for preparing beautiful things and opportunities for those You love!!!  Thank you for continually revealing Yourself to us, through those who will listen to You.  I'm sorry for all of the times I've considered times of great joy as something coincidental or unintended by You.  I'm sorry for underestimating Your Love.  I'm sorry for thinking of You as the judge who finally grants the widow's wishes, but only because of her persistence.  I am in awe of Your Love.  Thank you for reminding me that I cannot carry my confidence in You too far.  I love you!  Amen.   

Being "Hot" Lacks A LOT

To love God is to love the attributes of God Himself:  Truth, beauty, and goodness.  He is "The Ultimate Good".  Fr. Scott Reilly describes everything that exists as having these qualities.  He calls them the "3-legged-stool".  When an idea, something, or someone is whole/complete, it has "proportion, harmony, clarity, and brilliance."  However, if one of the legs is missing, the stool is broken and cannot stand unaided.

Let me share his real-life example of a broken stool with you, because it was the impetus for this post and a recent class discussion of Truth, Goodness, and Beauty jogged my memory about it... 

There is an accepted standard of beauty, which is called "hot".  "That's hot."  "She's hot."  "He's hot."  If you care anything about what people think about you, you may feel this pressure to be "hot".  (By the way, if you care more about what people think about you than what God thinks about you, that is the sin of vanity:  placing your security and self-esteem in others).  I'm guilty of this and always have to guard against pleasing others as my motivation. 

Have you felt this pressure?  Do you feel it?  I do.  It seems to me that if you are "hot" in our culture, everything else is way secondary or doesn't matter at all.  If you don't have sex appeal, you have NO appeal.  As with every ill-behaved child that ever lived, it seems that getting attention for the "wrong" reason is still better than getting no attention at all.

So, what's wrong with it?  Why should this not be our goal?  What does being "hot" lack?    Fr. Scott says, "Being hot lacks goodness and truth."  Is there a woman out there who wants her beauty to be separated from her goodness and her truth?!  If there is, I haven't met her.

St. Augustine wrestled with lust and attachment to people more openly than most.  He writes in his Confessions:  If physical objects please you, praise God for them, but turn back your love to their Creator, lest, in those things which please you, you displease Him.

For I had my back toward the light, and my face toward the things on which the light falls, so that my face, which looked toward the illuminated things, was not itself illuminated.

Our souls...may lean on those things which you have created and pass through them to you, who created them in marvelous ways.

So, I want to encourage you (and myself) to resist the pressure to be "hot" and use your beauty to lead others to their Creator, not to yourself.  In other words, to pass through you, to God.  This is not most effectively done with cleavage and a mini skirt.

In a discussion with a male friend the other day, he gave this analogy:  When women dress in such a way to accentuate their breasts and butts, they are taking the necessary steps to turn a man on sexually.  Men are visual creatures and women know this.  If a man did the same thing to a woman (took whatever steps were necessary to turn her on),  it would be ridiculously insulting and she could, by rights, slap him.

All this to say, that beauty has its place, but it is not something that should be manipulated into a word, "hot".  Beauty is a gift from God Himself and should be used to lead others to Him. 

In view of a greater good and for a higher purpose, even to watch over my bearing and my dress; to make myself attractive for our good God's sake.  

Great and holy ideas and profound convictions often reach souls only through the personal charm and attraction of those who present them.  "By their fruits you shall know them..(Matt 7:16)...devotion, charity, radiant faith, and also by those flowers that first strike the eye and precede the fruit; those flowers are called sweetness, charm, nobility and exterior distinction of manners and ways, serenity, equanimity, friendliness, smiles, and simplicity.    ~Elizabeth Leseur

Dear True, Good, and Beautiful God,  Thank you for another gorgeous day and many opportunities to enjoy the beauty of your creation.  Thank you for allowing the beauty of your Creation, including your creatures, to lead us to You.  Please help us to use our beauty to this end.  Do not allow us to lead people to the dead-end of ourselves.  We can't give them what they're looking for.  Lord, help us to learn how to "use" everything in this life to know and love You more, and to remove those things that are obstacles to our love for You.  Thank you for forgiving our weakness and inclination to cling to the good opinions of others.  As long as we know we need your help, we are getting closer to the Truth.  Amen. 

   

Not Measuring Up

All women have "feminine genius".  A phrase coined by Pope John Paul II, which "speaks to woman's capacity to make room for 'the other'.  This capacity manifests itself in four different areas:  receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity." (as summarized in Endow study guide).  As woman, we are more naturally others-focused than our male counterparts.  If this seems unfair, consider for a moment, who sends birthday cards in your house?  I realize there are exceptions, as there always are, but we'll focus on the majority.

This beautiful gift of receptivity, sensitivity, and making room for the other, however, can sometimes morph into something very ugly.  Comparison.  It should be listed with the seven deadly sins.  Why?  Because the two fruits of comparing ourselves to another are rotten and result in many spiritual deaths!  If we compare ourselves to another, and find that we come up short, we focus on those things in ourselves which are deficient for way too long, and consequently squelch what is good in us.  Anytime we turn our back on our Creator to focus on the created (ourselves), we are sinning!  We are turning from the Greatest Good to a lesser good. 

The other rotten fruit born of comparison is pride.  With a clear "comparison victory" in hand, we rest easy, knowing that at least we're "better" than so and so, at least in doing or being "such and such".

I don't remember who said it, but I'm pretty sure she was a saint, "If only we had faith, we would show goodwill to all creatures; we should cherish them and be interiorly grateful to them as serving, by God's will, for our perfection."

So, what are we supposed to do if we compare ourselves to others without being aware of it?  I'm glad you asked, because we're all in this group!

We need to become aware of it.  When you realize you are doing it, STOP.  If your tendency is to focus on what is good in another (and bad in yourself), make a mental list of your own good qualities.  If your tendency is to focus on what is bad in another (and what is good in yourself), make a list of their good qualities.

If looking at Facebook, or People magazine, or ___________, leads you into the comparison trap, cut it out of your life.  It's not worth it! 

There will always be things in ourselves that need to be worked on.  It is by God's design.  These things bring humility - The golden ticket for admission into Heaven.  We must balance acceptance of self and our need for change carefully.  Matthew Kelly says it well, "We must approach this place of balance between accepting ourselves for who we are and challenging ourselves to be all we are capable of being like one would approach a high-spirited animal - calmly and slowly.

In order for us promote woman and her God-given dignity, we must make a conscious effort to stop tearing her down.  And that includes yourself, too!

Please forward this to your women friends!  We are in this together!!!

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the beautiful gift of woman!  Thank you for her feminine genius!  Lord, please guard her against the temptation of comparing herself negatively or advantageously to others.  Please give us eyes to see and hearts to know when we are doing this.  Help us look to You only and embrace all others as a help on our journey.  Help us only to see what is good in others and also what is good in ourselves.  Help us to approach those things that need improvement, calmly and slowly.  We cannot carry our confidence in you too far.  Thank you.  Amen. 

Fake It 'Til You Make It

What a super night!  A great combination of hilarity and pride (not the kind that says you're better than everybody else, but the kind you feel for your kids when they exceed your expectations).

My husband and I decided to let the 6 and 7-year-old boys try out for the local swim club.  They love to swim.  Their Daddy loves to swim.  I love to swim.  Their 3-year-old brother loves to swim.  And our 17-year-old-neighbor-idol-superhero-rockstar loves to swim.  If being surrounded by awesome swimmers makes them awesome swimmers, they are in!

We showed up with 25 other first-timers, grabbed the necessary form on the way in and took our seat at the end of the bleachers to await instruction.  I returned the form and reclaimed my seat.  "Where are the boys?" I ask my husband.  He says, "I thought they were with you."  We quickly scan the bleachers and then the pool, where the current team members are practicing on the far end.

I say, "That looks like B-Man!" (in a lane with a bunch of other swimmers with kickboards).  He says, "There's Walker right behind him!"  Sure enough.  They came to swim, so they just grabbed a kickboard and jumped in!  I guess they figured the only reason to ever wait to get in the water at the swimming pool was for sunscreen, and since we were indoors, there was no reason to wait!  The coach didn't even seem to notice a couple of extra swimmers, except when they were going the wrong way.  Hopefully, this isn't a "You had to be there" kind of story, because it was hilarious.

I think "Fake It Til You Make It" really is a more legitimate approach than it sounds.  Tonight was a great illustration of "If it looks like an Aggie Club swimmer, acts like an Aggie Club swimmer, and smells like an Aggie Club Swimmer, it must be an Aggie Club Swimmer!" The coach who evaluated them when their turn finally came loved their enthusiasm and he didn't even know about their unauthorized warm-up.  We loved their enthusiasm, too, and hope it continues, especially when they realize there is way more to learn than what they already know!

Dear God, Thank you for tonight.  Amen.

Around the Corner

Yesterday afternoon, the boys and I went to Roger's house - an in-progress, fixer-upper in North Bryan.  Roger goes to church with my mother-in-law and she has been helping out some with his Around the Corner ministry:  food, clothing, a place to sleep, a shower, and/or Bible study, all in his house.  He is a man with a past who lives for the present and gives other people everything he's got to help them survive (and get to Heaven). 

Several years ago, he moved to TX from Chicago, trying to flee the cold weather and the death sentence that comes with the gang activity he was accustomed to.  He says, "The only way you get out of that place is to die or for God to call you out."

After squatting in this abandoned house on Hall Street, he got to meet the man who owned it.  Providence would have it that this elderly man's vision for that home and Roger's vision matched perfectly.  At the end of their conversation, Roger had the keys and the money to begin his mission.

Many people come and go.  It's one of the few places that will answer the door at 3am and serve food through an iron bar door if you're too drunk or high to come in.  Roger pointed out that churches usually close at 5, and if they are open later, it is probably for social events. 

Today, Roger and two other men live in the house.  One was hit by a car and had nowhere to go when he was released from the hospital.  A taxi cab dropped him off.  The other man's family lives across the street, but they don't have enough room for everybody, so he lives at Roger's, too. 

We had the chance to have a water balloon fight and eat dinner with 7 kids from the neighborhood.  During the school year, there are a lot of kids that get picked up after school and receive formation from A&M students a couple of days a week.  Their parents are often single and gang-affiliated.  However, they eventually come for a meal, too and Roger's house has become "neutral ground".  Two opposing gangs ate Thanksgiving dinner together this past year without incident.  Roger says, "They know God is here."

Before we left, Roger showed us the last of a DVD series entitled something like "Are you a fan or a follower?".  It basically illustrated lives of people that previously knew of God and their transformation into people who knew God.

I reflected on this on my way home, wondering if my own faith has been too weakly or insufficiently lived out.  Being in a former crackhouse in a poor neighborhood and watching the steady flow of people coming and going made me ask, "Should I Be Doing Something More?"  "Should I be more like Roger?"

In short time, God assured me that we are all called, but we are not all called to the same thing.  We have the same mission, but it looks different for each of us.  We are called to feed Jesus' sheep.  To take care of each other.  To extend mercy.

Roger is feeding the lost, broken, addicted, and run-over.  I am feeding my husband, children and occasionally a few others.  I am trying to "feed" those who read my blog, who are in classes at Church, and those who need help getting to Mass. 

Earlier in the day, I was visiting a friend in the hospital.  Just as we arrived, someone from our Church brought him Communion.  He was feeding the sick.  We can "feed" people with a smile.  We can "feed" people with a sincere compliment or eye contact that says, "I can see you, and you have value."  Christianity is in the food business.  We are called to feed others, just as Jesus did.  Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

My Dad and stepmom just returned from the Holy Land.  One thing that struck them was that most of Jesus' ministry took place within a radius of 90 miles.  We do not have to go far...

Dear Awesome God, How do you make it all work?!  It is so beautiful that You use all of our hardships to help us love others so keenly.  Thank you for calling Roger out of the gangs of Chicago to a place where his love and street smarts are desperately needed.  Thank you for his courage and perseverance.  Please continue to bless him for his faithfulness to You.  Please give me the grace to be bold for You.  Please help me to live *Holy Audacity: To become a living force for all mankind, a light shining in the world...To be a radiant light as I stand beside Christ, the great light, bathed in the glory of Him who is the light of heaven.  Amen.

*Quote from St. Gregory Nazianzen card (the one I drew at my silent retreat in February)

I Don't Want to Be an Olympian

My husband and I have been swimming to keep in shape this summer.  My goal at the beginning of the summer was to swim for 30 minutes (while stopping on the ends long enough to catch my breath).  Now, my goal is to swim a mile (which will probably take me about an hour), as my husband has done many times already.  A couple of days ago, I finished Lap 28 and was set to finish out the mile with 7 more, but a little boy threw up in the pool and everybody had to get out.  Maybe later this week...

Anyway, my husband told me one day, "If you want a model for fitness to follow, you should google Dara Torres."  I say, "Who's that?"  (I'm not exactly up-to-speed on what's going on in the world)  He proceeds to tell me she is in her 40s, a Mom who has won many Olympic medals, and is still training for the Olympics.  Any woman my husband points out to me as someone to be emulated, I'm interested. 

So, I googled her and found an incredibly beautiful woman with abs that are unlike anything I've ever seen in real life.  Ok, so I know why my husband found her worth mentioning, but I'm more interested in what's happening on the inside.  So, I read a brief bio on Wikipedia, which showed a couple of short-lived marriages, a conversion to Judaism, and a child conceived with her reproductive endocrinologist, whom she dated.

I began to ponder what aspect of her life, if any, I would like to incorporate into my own.  I will be married for 10 years in November.  I get to stay home and raise my kids and swim whenever I want - for fun.  I quickly decided that I was happy with my life the way it was.

Then, I started to think about trying to be a Mom and the best in the world, at anything.  I can't imagine it.  How can you give your life to your kid(s) when all of your mental, physical, and emotional resources are poured into making yourself better, faster, etc...?  I'm not sure how you can give your kids what they need, unless they're getting what they need from someone else. 

I'm not trying to take anything away from Ms. Torres; she could very possibly have it figured out.  After all, you can't become an Olympian without thinking things through and paying incredible attention to detail.  I just know for myself, that simply reading a book can be difficult when you're a Mom. 

The bottom line is that I want to be the one meeting the needs of my kids.  By God's grace and my husband's good job, I am in a position to do that.  I am thankful to live a life of obscurity with as much discipline as is necessary to lead a well-balanced life.  I am thankful that I am me, that I can swim, and that my life is filled with people that I love.  That is enough for me.

Self-love, a sneaky pirate

I've been told God has given me the gift of being "good with words".  If God gives a gift, it is to be used for His glory.  It is edifying to be able to do something for God, but it is difficult not to attach self-love to that thing.  After all, it brings pleasure and enjoyment.  How do you kill or avoid self-love while living for the Lord?  Do you just proceed, suspicious of the pirate called self-love?  This pirate is waiting to jump on a ship (in this case, a blog-for-God ship) that isn't his, but that he lies in wait for.

Maybe, as long as I remember that the pirate lives and he's close at hand, he will not render me ineffective in my love for Christ!

I think it is better to set sail for God and keep your eye out for the pirate, than to stay anchored in Comfort bay with your spiritual treasure locked safely away in your soul.

We are the body of Christ.  We don't deal in treasure chests and storehouses.  We're for the Kingdom!  What's mine is yours, so we sail for the Lord!  Watch out, lonely pirate.  We're not staying in the bay for fear of you.