Because I Love God, I Love His Will Above All Else

Today's post is a summary of last Friday's Morning of Reflection, hosted by the women of Regnum Christi, for all women.  Members of Regnum Christi hold eight core convictions.  The topic, "Because I love God, I love His will above all else" is one of them.  I will do my best to weave the thread through my notes, so that you may reap the benefit of the content. 

Our first speaker was consecrated woman, Almudena F. Blanco.  She shared her personal challenges in responding to the Lord's call to the consecrated life.  She highlighted the need for courage, patience, and the ability to swim in the unknown...

Think of all the things we do to show our spouse that we love them.  Watch football even though we're not interested?  Make what they like to eat even though we don't like it?  The list goes on.

I love God's will because He loves me...

Ask yourself, "How much does God love me?  How does God love me?"  Stay here.  Don't rush.  God loves us in an infinite number of ways.  It takes time to ponder them...

"If you love me, show me..."  How many times do we say this?  But, how can we respond when God challenges us this way?

We can start by keeping the Ten Commandments.  The basics.  By not offending God.
Absence of sin is actually no more than the indispensable condition for the life of grace...It would be a tasteless insult to think that to love someone means only to abstain from offending him.

Live the question, "Is this pleasing to God?"  Choose the greatest good.  God's will is about the daily surrender; not just the big things.  We have to trust those we love.  God included.

God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, the son whom he thought would never come.  Abraham was willing to do it because he trusted his God completely.  He withheld nothing.

We have to be careful to resist the temptation to demand a prompt answer, when we finally muster the courage to ask God what He wants from us.  We might lose our courage or feel faint at the thought of cultivating patience, but me must wait on Him as long as He deems it necessary.  Avoid "Answer me, now!" as much as possible.

In the unknown, we are like swimmers in the open water with no sense of where or how far away the land is.  All we can do is keep afloat.  Try not to drown.  God says, "Trust me."  By keeping afloat, we are building spiritual muscle.  We may think we are ready for a prompt answer, but God knows best.  We often need more time to prepare ourselves to do His work.

God is painting the picture of our lives.  Sometimes, He uses colors that we don't like.  "Not black!  Anything but black!"  And we try to dodge the paintbrush.  But, of course, we lack the perspective of the final work.  We're too close to it.  We need to trust The Artist.

Can we join Pope Clement XI in his prayer to God when he says...

I want whatever you want,
because you want it,
the way you want it,
as long as you want it.

Personal Reflection
1.  What has been my last experience of the love of God in my life?
2.  How am I able to recognize God's will in my life?  How does it manifest concretely?
3.  How can I be more sensitive and open to God's will?
4.  What are the main obstacles to following God's will in my life?

Our second speaker was Fr. Michael Sullivan, L.C..  He shared many stories, some from his life and some from others.  I am not re-telling those stories, but simply providing an overview of the main points those stories made.  The stories themselves are too funny or magnificent to be watered down here.

His points (more or less) were as follows:

God's will is better than you think!

Wisdom is the gift given to those who possess charity, according to St. Thomas Aquinas.  Wisdom is seeing things as God sees them. 

Faith is knowing God, and God's "stuff".
Hope is loving God for my sake.
Charity is doing (loving) God for God's sake.

We reach Charity through Hope.

God does not give you any desire He doesn't want to fill.  When you seek happiness, You seek God's will for you.  St. Thomas More (prior to his execution) said something like, "God's will is always good, no matter how bad it may seem."

Case studies for heroic Hope and Faith:

Ernest Shackleton -attempted to cross the Antarctic continent in 1914 and subsequently struggled for survival with his twenty-eight man crew for almost two years, as detailed in Endurance:  Shackleton's Incredible Voyage by Alfred Lansing.

Declan Brown - Died from cancer of the spine, wearing the cassock of a novice at age 14, per his request (after obtaining special dispensation).   As his mother sat at his bedside one day, Declan said to her “Mom I’m a priest.” His mother responded “No Declan, you’re not a priest yet.” Declan insisted, “Mom I’m a priest.” She replied again “No Declan, you’re not a priest. You’ve just received the uniform to begin your training for becoming a priest.” Declan explained “Mom, Christ was a priestly victim when he was suffering on the cross. I’m suffering with Christ on the cross now, so I am a priest.” (Excerpt from Thanksgiving in a Whole New Way by Fr. Michael Patrick Moriarty)

Sinners' sufferings are sterile, useless, and vain.  Saints' sufferings are fruitful and eternal.

Something can be hoped for when it is:
1.  Good
2.  Difficult
3.  In the future
4.  Possible

We travel through hope to faith to love.  The opposite of hope is despair.

The height of immaturity is "The world revolves around me."  The height of maturity is empathy.

When we are faced with those whom we find most difficult to love, imagine them as a child in Mary's lap.  Pray for that kind of love.

In Marriage and Holy Orders, if holiness is gained, it is through service to others.

It all boils down to "Be not afraid, because I will be with you."

Personal Reflection:
1.  What has God done in my life?
2.  What have I ever given to God and regretted it?!

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for mornings of reflection.  Thank you for the priests, consecrated women, and all of the lay people of Regnum Christi who sacrifice personally to make them happen.  Thank you for the people whose stories encourage and strengthen us long after they've gone to join You.  Please bless all who made the effort to attend, those who wanted to but couldn't, and those who know nothing of the sort.  Please increase our hope, so that one day, we may pass from loving You for our sake to loving You for Your sake.  Please forgive us for our impatience and all of the other obstacles we place in Your way.  Increase our faith.  Help us to love Your will above all else, because we love You.  Please give us the grace to want whatever you want, because you want it, the way you want it, as long as you want it.  Amen.

Rejected

I got the call from the Institute for Spiritual Direction today.  I applied for their Spiritual Director program this Spring, and interviewed last week.  The director of the program said they (the board) believe I have a calling to be a Spiritual Director, but "not right now".  I need more time to "do what you're doing."

My disbelief has grown with each passing hour.  Not because I'm so awesome, but how could I be so wrong?!  How can I still be too young when I've already been waiting to begin this program for two years, and wouldn't be finished with the program for three more?!!  How not ready can I be?

The director told me at my interview that the selection process was a discernment, which in this case, meant there was prayer involved.  And I don't think a group of prayerful people can really screw up God's plan.  Can they?

My pride wants to send a long email explaining how I became a caregiver at age 16, and detail all of the other things that make me older (wiser) than my age might tell.  1Timothy 4:12 flies into my brain as a rebuttal:  Let no one have contempt for your youth, but set an example for those who believe, in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.

But, then I think of the example.  Jesus.  Isaiah 53:7 - Though harshly treated, he submitted and did not open his mouth; Like a lamb led to slaughter or a sheep silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth.

And He was God.

I'm just a human being who's feeling a little misunderstood and very confused.

Aside from being 100% certain that my husband was the man I wanted to marry, I have never felt so sure of anything.

The self-doubt is creeping in and the ground is feeling a little shaky.  Maybe it's a coincidence (are there such things?), but our A/C went out on Friday.  When we learned the price of the replacement, I started wondering if I need to be working.  I have no idea.  Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done...

The Desire to Please God

 

My Lord God, I have no idea where I

am going, I do not see the road ahead of

me.  I cannot know for certain where it

will end.  Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am

following your will does not mean that

I am actually doing so.  But I believe

that the desire to please you does in

fact please you.  And I hope I have that

desire in all that I am doing.  I hope 

that I will never do anything apart 

from that desire.  And I know that if I

do this you will lead me by the right

road, though I may know nothing

about it.  Therefore, I will trust you

always though I may seem to be lost

and in the shadow of death.  I will not

fear, for you are ever with me, and you

will never leave me to face my perils

alone.                      Thomas Merton 

Death-Blow to the Senses

I'm out of everything.  Wisdom, Generosity, Energy, and Inspirations.  I'm not really sure how long I've been out, but just know that I am.  I seem to be failing rather than helping those I've taken on, and feel like I have traipsed deep into the Forest of "Dumb and Fumbling".  I know God loves me, and I love Him, but there are no feelings that accompany this great knowledge. 

This apathetic feeling has been called "dark night of the soul" or desolation.  If I had to name it, I guess I would call it faith a la carte.  Faith by itself.  Belief in God without a dollop of feeling or side dish of personal satisfaction. 

But, I don't really want to call it anything.  To name it makes it seem like something concrete or tangible.  It isn't.  It doesn't feel like anything.  In fact, it feels like the opposite of anything.  Simply nothing.  A void. It feels like God is far away.  I can "see" Him in Creation and experience His love through others.  I can read and talk about Him.  But, I just can't "hear" or "feel" Him.

Further proof of this "distance" has been evident during my last several Holy hours.  They have felt sterile and seemed unproductive.  I know this is impossible, as taking time to "be" with the Lord is always productive, just for drawing close to Him. 

More or less, my standard Holy hour consists of talking to Jesus for 15 minutes, listening for 15, and reading to learn more about Him for 30.  Most recently, though, I have talked plenty during my turn, and eventually doze off while I wait for Him to begin His "turn".  He doesn't seem to have anything to say to me. 

While I am trying to settle into the idea of hearing nothing indefinitely, I am trying to get comfortable with all that I lack.  I am acutely aware that grace has consistently provided all of the above gifts (wisdom, generosity, energy, and inspirations), that I am accustomed to.  I am grateful for them, look forward to their return, and will try to maintain peace of heart until they do.

I know that when we act exclusively from our will, without regard to feelings (or lack of), these actions are the purest of all.  Pure, because we don't get any kickback.  It kills selfishness.  And that is always good. 

I find great comfort in the treatment of this "death blow" to the senses in Abandonment to Divine Providence:

~When God speaks it is a mystery, and therefore a death-blow to my senses and reason...The divine action by one and the same stroke kills and gives life; the more one feels the death to the senses and reason, the more convinced should one become that it gives life to the soul...The life of faith is a continual struggle against the senses."

~The senses, in terror, suddenly cry to the soul, "Unhappy one!  You have now no resource, you are lost," and instantly faith with a stronger voice answers:  "Keep firm, go on, and fear nothing."

~There cannot be anything great in us in the sight of God except our passive endurance...the operation of divine providence is accomplished in great measure without our knowledge, and even in a way that is unexpected and disagreeable to us."

I haven't heard God's voice in a while, but He sent me a message today in God Calling.  He confirmed His action, wisdom, and power, the unimportance of my own capabilities and sentiments, and confirmed my ability to unleash His wisdom and power in my life. 

Follow My Guidance.  Be afraid to venture on your own as a child fears to leave its mother's side.  Doubt of your own wisdom, and reliance on Mine will teach you humility. 

Humility is not the belittling of self.  It is forgetting the self.  Nay more, forgetting the self, because you are remembering Me.

You must not expect to live in a world where all is harmony.  You must not expect to live where others are in unbroken accord with you.  It is your task to maintain your own heart peace in adverse circumstances.  Harmony is always yours when you strain your ear to catch Heaven's music.

Doubt always your power or wisdom to put things right, ask Me to right all as you leave it to Me and go on your way loving and laughing.  I am wisdom.  Only My wisdom can rightly decide anything - settle any problem.  So rely on Me.  All is well.

Dear God, Thank you for this overcast day, places to sit outside, and naptime!  Lord, you know how I am feeling.  Pretty small, a little bit dumb, and very helpless.  I am sorry I have come to rely so heavily on the gifts You have been so generous with.  You are Wisdom.  You are Generosity.  You are Energy.  You are Inspiration.  These things are mine only in the measure that I claim them in You.  Thank you for the humbling reminder.  I offer you my inabilities and lack of all.  May they glorify You.  Thank you for opportunities to act solely out of the will, so that selfishness can wither and weaken.  Thank you for the written word, when there is nothing to hear.  Please grant me humility, patience, kindness, and peace of heart, as I wait on You.  I love you and thank you for all that was, is, and is to come.  I love You.  Amen.

A New Heart - Part II

If we repent of our sins, (tell God we're sorry and turn away from them), and ask Christ for a new heart, He will give it to us.  If we ask Christ for a new heart prematurely (before repenting), we block His action by putting ourselves and our sin in His way.  So, let's assume we've asked God's forgiveness, we're making every human effort to do better, and Jesus has given us a new heart. 

How do we honor and preserve this gift?  If we fail to act and let our new heart remain a lofty ideal, then we didn't need to bother asking for a new heart in the first place.  Action is necessary and must be specific.  So, what should it look like?  You can probably come up with a laundry list of your own here, but I'm simple and into "fail-safe" ideas, so feel free to borrow if you need a little inspiration.

#1.  Empty yourself.  Mother Teresa says, "Even God Himself cannot fill what is already full."  Ask yourself what you fill yourself up with (especially in those moments when you feel the void that only God can fill).  Facebook?  Email?  Food?  Shopping?  Texting friends?  Family?  Yes.  Yes.  No.  No!  Yes.  Yes. 

Seriously, I just started "fasting" from my phone.  I'm trying to look at it only every two hours, (instead of every time I walk into the kitchen and see it on the counter).  If it weren't for the possible phone call from school for a sick kid, or keeping in touch with my husband, I would be tempted to lock it up somewhere and only pull it out after the kids were in bed.  At any rate, iPhone time is definitely something that is on my chopping block!     

#2.  Forgive others.  There's a line from a Sara Bareilles song that says, "I'm not the girl that I intend to be."  That's for sure.  What's your biggest obstacle to being the girl/guy that you intend to be?  If you are tempted to answer with the name of another, then your biggest obstacle is forgiveness.  If you don't want to forgive, then your first step is simple.  You need to ask God for the desire.

#3.  Wait on the Lord.  Cultivate silence.  Begin your day in prayer and in Scripture.  You cannot walk through your day with your Savior, if you don't meet up with Him in the morning.  Yes, other prayer times are good (and necessary!), but kicking off your day with Jesus is non-negotiable if you want to dwell in His peace.  There's no gettin' around it.

Do not be too ready to do, just be.  I said "Be ye therefore perfect", not do perfect things.  Try and grasp this.  Individual efforts avail nothing.  It is only the work of My Spirit that counts.  Dwell in thought on this, more and more.  Saints have taken a lifetime to grasp it."
~Jesus, in God Calling

#4.  Accomplish your daily tasks with joy.  After spending time in silence and allowing God to speak to you in it and through Scripture, we have things that must be done.  We do not live on an island or in a vacuum (Thank goodness, because if I lived in my vacuum, I would be really dirty).  See every task and person as God Himself asking something of you, and the joy will come on its own.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for another gorgeous day, where we can feel Your love through the sun on our faces and the breeze on our skin!  Thank you for the gift of a new heart every time we ask for it.  Thank you for Your unfathomable mercy.  It allows me to come to You as often as I need, without worrying about using up my quota of chances, forgiveness, and love.  Please help us be the person that You intended us to be, and give us the grace to see and remove those things that block Your Divine Action.  Help us to be more, and do less, especially when it is not for love and in the service of our brother.  Amen.