Forgotten Good

I've been thinking about forgotten good for awhile now.  A couple of months, I guess.  This little envelope secretly taped to the inside of my bathroom cabinet is what started it all.

"Do something good with this."  To Mom.  This was one of four such envelopes containing some money of his own, placed in hidden places by my 10-year-old.  Each one was addressed to a different member of the family, including the brother he fights with the most, "even though he didn't deserve it".

My envelope held $2.00 in quarters.  This from a boy who will do anything for $2.00.  I actually just opened it this morning to examine the contents, for the sake of this post.  It has been too precious to disturb til now.

When I asked my son what prompted this unexpected and generous action, he told me that it was an idea from a book.

A book he received two years ago for his First Communion that only this summer's boredom inspired him to open.  A book I'm positive has long been forgotten by those who gave it, one of whom is no longer here to give.

Forgotten good.  

But, not on June 13th.

Fourth of July rolled around and my sister's mother-in-law pulled me aside.  (We normally laugh about her stint working at a library where she never actually worked, except in my mind, in which case she worked there for years, and which I repeatedly asked her about when I saw her!)  

Only this time, she let me know in all seriousness how appreciative she was of a note I wrote her years ago on November 27, 2012.  A note which holds an esteemed place in her Bible with few other things so precious.  Whaaaa?

Of course, I didn't remember the note, much less the contents.  She sent me a picture to jog my memory and I was very glad that I had, indeed, written such a note.  I was also pretty sure I was smarter when I wrote it than I am now.  

Forgotten good.

During my time at home, I visited the Chamber of Commerce of my hometown, asking after a poster advertising their famous fireworks.  The overworked lady said they were all posted, with none to give now, but took my name and address down on a post-it note with a promise to send one after the Fourth, when things settled down.

I'd forgotten my request by the day's end until just a few days ago when I received it in the mail.  And now, I will remember her kindness always as it hangs on my wall, when she will have long forgotten it.  

Forgotten good.

A couple of days ago, at the bedside of a woman leaving this life, her friends and family shared stories of what they loved about her, including her love of shopping. 

Among her purchases was a cross which currently hangs in her friend's home.  It was surreptitiously bought on a trip they took together. The friend fell in love with it, but left it unpurchased.  When they arrived back home, the woman pulled it out of her suitcase and gave it to her.  She was dumbfounded and overjoyed, and cherishes it still.  Maybe now more than ever. 

The story went uncorroborated by the giver, who could no longer say.  But if I had to guess, probably forgotten.  

When our earthly life comes to a close and a future is no longer available, the past becomes a treasury to be exhausted.  And I can't help but wonder if one of the many joys of heaven is a great remembering of the forgotten good.    

Fear, Hope, or Love - The Reasons for Every Action Since the Beginning of Time

Fear.  Hope.  Love. 

One of these three things motivate every action of our life.  They dictate how we suffer interiorly, and how we treat others.  They are often very hidden, but the absence of clamor doesn't nullify their existence or change their power.  If anything dictates everything in my life, I want to know about it.  I like to know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.  If you don't have clarity about what you're doing, it is impossible to act with purity.  Purity of intention is acknowledging and removing all selfish intent when performing an action, and doing it for love alone.

To do good to others in the hope that, in turn, our Lord will be good to you is a supernatural motive, even if it is self-centered.  To do good to others with the consciousness that Christ asks it of you is less egoistic.  To do good to others because you are convinced that Christ will consider it as having been done to Him personally is a sign of pure love of God.  To do good to others because you can please God, and you want to give Him the best you can, is perfect love of God.
The Hidden Power of Kindness, Lawrence G. Lovasik

Fr. Lovasik didn't refer to doing good to others to avoid going to hell, but it is a possible motivation nonetheless.  In the same way, fear, hope, and love dictate our response to suffering in our lives.

According to Rt. Rev. Dom Lehodey in Holy Abandonment, there are three degrees of conformity to God's will in response to suffering:

In the first degree, we have no desire for suffering; in fact, we avoid it as much as possible.  However, we are willing to endure it if it is the only way that we can avoid committing a fault [for fear of condemnation].

In the second degree, we don't wish for suffering, but when it comes, we accept it and endure it willingly because we know that suffering is a part of God's plan for us.  We have a love of suffering, but this love is only a consequence of our love for God. [Hope in God's goodness and plan]

In the third degree, which is the most perfect of all, we are not content with just accepting the trials that God may send us and suffering cheerfully out of our love for Him...our love for God is so great that we long for trials and we rejoice when they come to us because we know that they come from the hand of God and are ordained by His adorable will. [Love]

 [What is contained in brackets is my interpretation, based on St. Bernard's summation]

According to St. Bernard, beginners as a rule have only resignation derived from fear; proficient bear the cross with a willing heart, a more generous conformity begotten of hope; the perfect embrace the cross with ardor, which complete conformity is the fruit of holy love.

Since we are all looking for happiness, it is good to know that we can have something even greater.  That something greater is joy.  It transcends happiness because it is not dependent on people or circumstances.  "Authentic joy is a deep interior peace and satisfaction that we experience as the fruit of wisdom and understanding." (Endow study guide)  It is the result of placing our expectations on Jesus, and not on others.  It comes when we do all things with purity of intention - the intention to love our neighbor for love of God.  Even, and especially, in our suffering. 

In his letter Salvifici Doloris, Pope John Paul II gives us four reasons our suffering can be seen as a reason for joy:

1.  It clears the way for the infusion of grace which transforms human souls.
2.  In it, there is concealed a particular power that draws a person interiorly close to Christ...
3.  ...human sufferings, united to the redemptive suffering of Christ, constitute a special support for the powers of good, and open the way to the victory of these salvific powers.
4.  Faith in sharing the suffering of Christ brings with it the interior certainty that the suffering person 'completes what is lacking in Christ's afflictions'; the certainty that in the spiritual dimension of the work of Redemption he is serving, like Christ, the salvation of his brothers and sisters.

So, basically, our suffering (IF we unite it with Christ's suffering by our intention to do so), can serve for our own salvation and that of others. 

That is a reason for real joy.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the rain, roofs that don't leak, and bread machines.  Thank you for loving us.  Thank you for fear to motivate us when our love is not yet perfect.  Thank you for hope along the way, and your love to imitate.  Please give me the wisdom to know what motivates me.  I want to do all things for love of You.  Please grant me the grace to act with purity of intention and detachment from all that is not You nor leads me to You.  Please give me the joy that comes from understanding your love for me, and your plan to bring good out of everything, especially suffering.  Thank you for the opportunity to participate in my own salvation and that of others.  Thank you for Pope John Paul II and the continued guidance of your Church since you gave Peter the keys to your Kingdom.  Thank you for Pope Francis and for his love.  Amen.

Pope John Paul II, pray for us!

Refuse To Be Checked In Your Upward Climb

I'm really going to try not to copy the entire God Calling book one reflection at a time, but some things are too good, too important, and too inspiring not to be shared.  Enjoy, again, Christ's words to the two little, old ladies (and to us):

"You are to help save others.  Never let one day pass when you have not reached out an arm of Love to someone outside your home - a note, a letter, a visit, help in some way.

Be full of Joy.  Joy saves.  Joy cures.  Joy in Me.  In every ray of sunlight, every smile, every act of kindness, or love, every trifling service - joy.

Each day do something to lift another soul out of the sea of sin, or disease or doubt into which man has fallen.  I still walk to-day by the lakeside and call My Disciples to follow Me and to become fishers of men. 

The helping hand is needed that raises the helpless to courage, to struggle, to faith, to health.  Love and laugh.  Love and laughter are the beckoners to faith and courage and success.  Trust on, love on, joy on.

Refuse to be downcast.  Refuse to be checked in your upward climb.  Love and laugh.  I am with you.  I bear your burdens.  Cast your burden upon Me and I will sustain thee.  And then in very lightheartedness you turn and help another with the burden that is pressing too heavily upon him or her.

How many burdens can you lighten this year?  How many hearts can you cheer?  How many souls can you help?

And in giving you gain: 'Good measure, pressed down and running over.'  I your Lord have said it."

Slowing Down To Celebrate Christmas and the Sacrament of the Present Moment

It's Advent.  A season of waiting and preparing our hearts to receive The Infant Jesus on His birthday.  How can I prepare a dusty and cluttered room for a King?!  It seems more than a little bit beyond what I am capable of.  But, I know I can't (or at least shouldn't) do nothing.  So, I need to begin by sweeping it out and letting some fresh air in.  In other words, I need to go to confession.  I need to acknowledge and let go of all that is ugly, selfish, and stained. 

Once I've cleaned His room as much as possible, how can I celebrate His arrival?!  Simply by being with Him.  Slowing down to joyfully receive all that comes, without rushing ahead or lagging behind.  To bear in mind the words and ideas of St. Francis de Sales:

We must attend to the business of life carefully, but without eagerness or overanxiety.  Gently flowing rivers bear barges with rich merchandise.  Make haste slowly.  We are always soon enough when we do well.  Accept the duties which come upon you quietly, and try to fulfill them methodically one after the other.  Remember the productive honeybee, who quietly goes about its business, while the bumblebee just makes noise.

If I can slow down, I can begin to celebrate the sacrament of the present moment.  It is a perpetual victory for Christ when one is aware of His presence in all things!  It is foolish to think He is pleased to be an afterthought and that He doesn't mind waiting until I'm finished with everything and everyone else.  If we remain unable to see Him in others and ordinary circumstances, He will always be last.  Reserved until the end of the day, when all of the others climb into bed, and we're too tired to pay Him any worthy attention at all.  

"The power of the most High shall over-shadow thee (Luke 1:35), said the angel to Mary.   This shadow, beneath which is hidden the power of God for the purpose of bringing forth Jesus Christ in the soul, is the duty, the attraction, or the cross that is presented to us at each moment."   Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence

If I can get his room in shape and slow down enough to spend time with Him there, only one question remains.  How can I bring Him to others?  By taking Him in the love which wraps our daily acts of kindness.  If those who receive them ponder the love, if they question the love, if the love they feel gives them pause, they will find Christ from Whom all love emanates.

If we can accomplish these things (Cleaning the King's room, Slowing down, Living in the present moment, and bringing Him to others),  We will honor Christ's birth and His life.  We will be like His Mother. 

Dear Baby Jesus and Savior King, Help me to prepare a room in my heart that is worthy of You.  Help me to slow down and attempt only one thing at a time.  Please give me eyes to "see" You in every person and circumstance.  Please give me the grace to be more like Your Mother.  I don't want to leave You for the end of the day, when I don't have anything else to give.  I know how I fare without Your Help in this, for that is where I am today.  Thank you for your mercy, patience, and love.  Thank you for trusting humanity enough to come to this world as an infant.  I am in awe of You and I love You.  Amen.

Around the Corner

Yesterday afternoon, the boys and I went to Roger's house - an in-progress, fixer-upper in North Bryan.  Roger goes to church with my mother-in-law and she has been helping out some with his Around the Corner ministry:  food, clothing, a place to sleep, a shower, and/or Bible study, all in his house.  He is a man with a past who lives for the present and gives other people everything he's got to help them survive (and get to Heaven). 

Several years ago, he moved to TX from Chicago, trying to flee the cold weather and the death sentence that comes with the gang activity he was accustomed to.  He says, "The only way you get out of that place is to die or for God to call you out."

After squatting in this abandoned house on Hall Street, he got to meet the man who owned it.  Providence would have it that this elderly man's vision for that home and Roger's vision matched perfectly.  At the end of their conversation, Roger had the keys and the money to begin his mission.

Many people come and go.  It's one of the few places that will answer the door at 3am and serve food through an iron bar door if you're too drunk or high to come in.  Roger pointed out that churches usually close at 5, and if they are open later, it is probably for social events. 

Today, Roger and two other men live in the house.  One was hit by a car and had nowhere to go when he was released from the hospital.  A taxi cab dropped him off.  The other man's family lives across the street, but they don't have enough room for everybody, so he lives at Roger's, too. 

We had the chance to have a water balloon fight and eat dinner with 7 kids from the neighborhood.  During the school year, there are a lot of kids that get picked up after school and receive formation from A&M students a couple of days a week.  Their parents are often single and gang-affiliated.  However, they eventually come for a meal, too and Roger's house has become "neutral ground".  Two opposing gangs ate Thanksgiving dinner together this past year without incident.  Roger says, "They know God is here."

Before we left, Roger showed us the last of a DVD series entitled something like "Are you a fan or a follower?".  It basically illustrated lives of people that previously knew of God and their transformation into people who knew God.

I reflected on this on my way home, wondering if my own faith has been too weakly or insufficiently lived out.  Being in a former crackhouse in a poor neighborhood and watching the steady flow of people coming and going made me ask, "Should I Be Doing Something More?"  "Should I be more like Roger?"

In short time, God assured me that we are all called, but we are not all called to the same thing.  We have the same mission, but it looks different for each of us.  We are called to feed Jesus' sheep.  To take care of each other.  To extend mercy.

Roger is feeding the lost, broken, addicted, and run-over.  I am feeding my husband, children and occasionally a few others.  I am trying to "feed" those who read my blog, who are in classes at Church, and those who need help getting to Mass. 

Earlier in the day, I was visiting a friend in the hospital.  Just as we arrived, someone from our Church brought him Communion.  He was feeding the sick.  We can "feed" people with a smile.  We can "feed" people with a sincere compliment or eye contact that says, "I can see you, and you have value."  Christianity is in the food business.  We are called to feed others, just as Jesus did.  Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

My Dad and stepmom just returned from the Holy Land.  One thing that struck them was that most of Jesus' ministry took place within a radius of 90 miles.  We do not have to go far...

Dear Awesome God, How do you make it all work?!  It is so beautiful that You use all of our hardships to help us love others so keenly.  Thank you for calling Roger out of the gangs of Chicago to a place where his love and street smarts are desperately needed.  Thank you for his courage and perseverance.  Please continue to bless him for his faithfulness to You.  Please give me the grace to be bold for You.  Please help me to live *Holy Audacity: To become a living force for all mankind, a light shining in the world...To be a radiant light as I stand beside Christ, the great light, bathed in the glory of Him who is the light of heaven.  Amen.

*Quote from St. Gregory Nazianzen card (the one I drew at my silent retreat in February)

Perspective Gained at a First Grade Lunch Table

Yesterday, I attended the last field trip of the year with my oldest son - a fun time at Central Park with volleyball, bubbles, water balloons, tug-of-war, popsicles, and lunch.

During lunch, I asked the first graders sitting around me what they were going to do this summer.  The conversation quickly turned from what they were going to do (because they didn't know), to who they were going to be with or without.

Little girl R said her Dad was going to pick her up on the last day of school, because he wanted her for one month, since her Mom gets her more than her Dad.

Little boy C, sitting next to her, said he never gets to see his real Dad because he moved far away and his mom lost track of him.  When I told him "I bet your Dad misses you", he looked at me and said, "He's only called me once."  Ugh. 

Little girl D across the table said her Mom is supposed to get out of jail this summer.  She asks if you won't tell anybody then tells you her Mom is in jail for "doing with drugs."

Next to her, sat Little J.  He lives with his grandparents because his Mom is on drugs and his Dad is in jail.  He's a great kid.  Thank God for grandparents who pack his lunch, take him to Tae Kwon Do, and love him in all of the little ways kids need to be loved.


As the weight of our lunch conversations settled in on the drive home, I realized how blessed my children are to live in a home where things are as they should be.  Nothing exceptional, just life as God intended it - with parents who love Him, each other, and their kids.

I generally think of this as a "given".  I don't typically think I am blessing my sons just by showing up and being present.  But, today I am reminded that just showing up can be a blessing.  Not only to my kids, but to those kids who desperately need someone to look at, see, and listen to them.

Later that afternoon, I attended my kindergartner's year end party.  The little boy I was sitting next to didn't have any pictures of his family during the slide show, because his parents are in CPS custody and he lives with his grandma, but she works.  Another little boy pointed to the picture of his family and said "See that guy standing by me?  He's dead."  His Dad was killed a few weeks before when hit by a car on the side of a road.

My own father suffered horribly at the hands of his parents.  With God's grace, he broke the cycle of addiction and abuse and has been nothing to his children, but a positive force - a pillar of strength and unconditional love.  None of his children or grandchildren will ever see the ugliness and selfishness that would have been their inheritance without God's grace and his docility to the Holy Spirit. 
In Apostolate for Holy Motherhood, the Blessed Mother says, "Be kind to your children.  This is of the utmost importance.  They need your undivided attention when they are small...Your children are your jewels, your wealth; guard them as the treasures which they are."


Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the opportunity to join my son's First grade class for lunch today and my Kindergartner's year end party.  Please bless them and children everywhere abundantly, Lord.  Preserve them from repeating the mistakes their parents have made with them.   Let them have recourse to You and the Mother we all share.  Send Your grace upon their parents, who are probably repeating their parent's mistakes.  Break the chains of abuse and addiction that bind them, so they may live in the freedom of love and give them the desire to embrace Your holy will.  Please stand in the gap for us with Your Son, His Mother, and all the Saints. Amen.

Babysitting - An Exercise in Many Virtues

This journal entry is from September 2011.  I'm including it today, because God keeps giving me opportunities to work on this thing I'm not very good at.  He keeps sending me little boys who are in desperate need of a family setting.  I often ask God for opportunites to prove my love, but don't always recognize or love the ones he sends very well.  I daresay I am making progress (with God's grace) and time.  Everything seems to be getting easier as my boys get older.

It is really hard for me to babysit (Sorry, friends - Hang with me on this one and you'll see why).  Is this a lack of charity due to selfishness?!  I hate whining, picky-eating, bad manners, lots of noise, and chaos.  Is it pride?  Because I think my kids are better than their kids?  Lack of mercy because I haven't needed their mercy (because I have an awesome mother-in-law 2 doors down)?  It steals my peace.  I feel like my plate is already full and is simply too full with more kids. 

I think I should be able to do it well - with no thought of self, without any reservations, or feelings of negativity.  It bothers me that I don't do it well, but pretend that I can.  I don't feel like I can say "No" without being uncharitable or selfish.

It requires me to be mindful of another person's state in life.  COMPASSION.  God is calling me to suffer, albeit a trifling matter, in this way.  It is suffering because I am embarassed about the way I feel about it and I wish I felt differently.  HUMILITY.  It demands more of my time, which is already so painfully little.  GENEROSITY.  It requires me to be merciful, gentle, and patient in the face of whininess, demanding natures, bad manners, and bigger messes (KINDNESS, PATIENCE, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL).

Wow!  It is requiring of me the practice of all the virtues I pray for!!  Kindness, gentleness, patience, self-control, generosity, humility, and compassion!

Wow!  Thank you, God for this clarity.  This is the answer to the prayer I requested when I entered into Your Presence (in the Adoration Chapel, where I was writing this).

You are so merciful, generous, patient, and gentle!  Help me to be more like You!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Note to friends - Please don't feel like you can never ask me to babysit when you are in a bind!  Clearly, you would be depriving me of an opportunity to work on many virtues that I need a lot of work in!

Note to friend, Janet - You amaze me that you always have kids with you that are not your own.  You take it all in stride and I can see that God gives you this grace.  Thank you for your example in living this generosity so well!