My Friend With an Empty Vacuum Cleaner Bag

I got a little time to myself yesterday.  My husband took the boys shooting and no one needed me for hours.  I was already out, so I took myself to lunch and went from store to store, shopping for a rug to go under a particular chair in my house, or anything else I couldn't live without that was less than five dollars.

And this is happening more and more, only subtly, here and there.  The guys all want to see this action movie or that war documentary, and I'm out.  Sitting in the other room, doing whatever girl/Mom activity I choose.

I used to be the generator, facilitator, supervisor, or recipient of every activity my boys dipped their toe in.  Every activity.  And it was exhausting.  I see parents of young children, now, and remember just how exhausting.  I admire them so much.

Overall, my thought about raising kids who are growing up and seemingly need me less and less, is one of great joy.

But, there is the occasional, and always unexpected, lump in my throat.  Like when I was on my way home from Wal-Mart the other day.  I passed the elementary school that my older boys attended and my youngest still attends.  But, only for two more years.  And in that moment, I felt like I was visiting this town from the future, where elementary school and boys who go there, are but a foggy and distant memory.  And I wanted to cry.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn captures this feeling perfectly in The Cancer Ward, as one of his cancer-stricken characters reflects on his life:  "Sometimes I wonder whether the children were real, whether I didn't just dream them.  Maybe they never existed?"

It's clear, now, that my children are real.  Their bodies are lounging around my living room (including the one who is sharing my couch cushion), Lab Rats is on TV, there are army guys by my coffee cup, a t-shirt on the floor, and dominoes are strewn all over my dining room table.  The evidence of real children is all over the place.

Among our summer sojourns, we've made a friend at the park.  He frequents it five or six times a day, because by his own admission, he doesn't have anything else to do.  He's divorced and his children are grown.  He admits that sometimes, he vacuums, just for something to do.  The bag on his vacuum cleaner stays empty, because his house never gets dirty.

Surely, this will never be us.  Right?!  

But, surely, it will.

Our friend reminds me that I'm living the American dream.  To be happily married, with young children, and time to enjoy all of it...

I'm afraid to admit it, but I need the reminder.  It is easy to miss the treasure of the dailiness - between basketball practices, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and repeating, while never, ever asking myself, "Did I really need to sweep or vacuum?!"

So, in case you don't have a wise friend at the park with an empty vacuum cleaner bag and time to enjoy your kids, I'll loan you mine.

The Saturday Morning Monster

I've been married twelve years today.  I'm so blessed and thrilled to be celebrating a happy marriage with the man who chased the long-lived question, "How will you know when you find the one?" away forever.  I'm so happy about so many things.  I'm so happy I'm not still living that question.  I'm so happy that I'm not the ball of insecurity I was in our early marriage.  I'm so happy that our boys who are eleven and a half months apart are 8 and 9, not 1 and 2 (as cute as they were). 

I'm especially happy to have something to celebrate today, when otherwise I might still be sulking over my monsterhood yesterday morning...I started working at my Church when school started.  So, now the housecleaning that was done incrementally throughout the week, is saved up for one special day.  Saturday.  First thoughts of Saturday bring warm fuzzies with thoughts of sleeping in, breakfast together, and lazing about.  Sleeping in and breakfast together are still going great.  But, after breakfast, things go south.  After the first couple of times it happened, I realized that I had omitted my morning prayer.  Ohhhhhh, that must be the problem.  Attempting to clean the house before prayer is certain disaster. 

So yesterday, I took all the time I needed to pray well before heading down the bumpy-old-stinky-road of cleaning the house.  When I left my prayer spot, I was filled with great resolve to maintain my peace and patience throughout, and promptly made my first error.  I entered my son's room.  The hot zone.  Ground zero.  Utter chaos of dirty clothes, legos, papers, markers, army guys, tanks, cups, shoes, and the like. 

I cleared a spot, called the troops in, and began to give orders, "pick this up", "put those in there", "throw that away".  And then it happens.  Explanations start rolling in of who didn't put what where, things get shoved under the bed, little people start laying in the middle of the floor, and all manner of things happen that cannot defined as the only acceptable response - prompt obedience. 

This now-working mother suddenly values her Saturday mornings a great deal, and when she realizes that she's the only one, she loses it.  Her humanity finds a quiet corner to hide in while her anger and frustration take over, leaving her shaking on the inside and turning to stone on the outside.  I am either barking or silent, but "pissed off" in every form.  My language morphs into that which would befit a mild-tongued sailor.  Apparently, I used the word "crap" quite profusely, a little bit of "damn", and a "pissed off" when I was discussing my frustration with my husband.  Sadly, I got generous feedback on my language later in the day from my son. 

It took hours to recover, and another Saturday morning needs to be redeemed by yours truly.  Happy marriage aside, my husband said he'd rather live in a dirty house than with me on these Saturday mornings.  I don't blame him.  If I could live in a perpetually dirty house, I would too!  But, I can't.  I have a threshold.  A threshold which turns out to be the amount of dirt/clutter/dog hair that accrues in a week's time.  Since prayer wasn't enough to rid me of myself (although, many times it is), we made a new plan.  Until I can handle it in a more sane and ladylike manner, I will tackle everything else, but that room.  He can go in there.

It is humbling that something so simple as a messy room can still reduce me to tears and a potty mouth.  As I continue to tackle the spiritual life and pursue helping others in theirs, I am reminded that I will never be above living an earthly life.  I am a human, and this is where I live.  On earth.  With others.  And their stuff. 

...We are not angels but have bodies, and it is madness for us to want to become angels while we are still on earth...Come what may, the great thing is to embrace the Cross.  The Lord was deprived of all consolation and forsaken in His trials.  Let us not forsake Him; His hand will help us to rise better than our own efforts...                           St. Teresa of Avila     

Dear Heavenly Father of Parents and Children with Messy Rooms,

Thank you for another day to know, love, and serve You.  Thank you for my husband, and every wedding anniversary including today's.  Please forgive me for my selfishness, impatience, and ingratitude.  Thank you for the phone call while writing this post, thanking me for sharing my children, from someone who misses theirs.  Thank you for opportunities to see what I can still be without your grace.  Humbling, though they are. Thank you that Your Hand will help us to rise better than our own efforts.  Please give me, and all parents, the grace to see the gift of our children, including the messes that often surround them.  Finally, thank you for opportunities to redeem lost time.  Please give me the grace to recognize and make the most of them.  Amen.

Living In the Kitchen

My niece moved here a few weeks ago.  She sleeps at my mother-in-law's house (2 doors down), but spends a lot of her time here.  She's learning what life looks like at the Dixon residence.  As she walked in last night, she said, "Every time I come over here, you are standing in the kitchen."  I agreed, and we sat down to dinner.  After dinner, I was back in the kitchen, and she asked on her way out, "Is your life fulfilling?"

I said "Yes" (after making a mental note of the magnitude of this question, and the cynicism dripping from her voice), rattled off something about how important it is, and then toyed with her question through the night and most of today.

Do I find my life to be fulfilling?

What is fulfilling about "living" in the kitchen?   Preparing and cleaning up after meals three times a day, 341 (365 -24 if you eat out twice a month) days of the year.  1023 times if you're really into Math...There are definitely other areas of my life that don't involve the kitchen, but it really is the biggest part of what I do.  Biggest in terms of time, and biggest in terms of mental energy!

Some people might find it fulfilling because they're really good at it, or maybe it is a form of artistic expression for them.  Others may love it, simply because they love food.

Three strikes, here.  I don't find "living" in the kitchen to be fulfilling for any of these reasons.

As time has passed, I have come to realize it is necessary for people to eat.  It is one of the few legitimate activities we engage in, as human beings.  If left to my own devices, I would graze throughout the day (almonds, cheese, apples, etc...), and quite possibly, never so much as warm something up.  Needless to say, I  LOVE eating out because it takes me out of the whole eating process!!  One of God's greatest gifts, really.  I digress...

Back to finding fulfillment in the very-necessary, food preparation responsibilities that come with being a wife and mother:

I think the highest calling in this life (and therefore, the most fulfilling) is to love our neighbor for love of God.  The people God has entrusted to me are my most important neighbors.  When I cook and clean for them, or whatever else I do to meet/ exceed their needs, I am engaged in the most important activity on the face of the earth.  Further proof that these actions are approved by God, is that they demand humility!  Most often, the only reward I receive for my efforts (besides generous praise and gratitude from my husband) are words of disapproval regarding the menu, or complaints about how long it took to put it on the table. 

There are so many things we can do in this life.  Many look fulfilling, but are not.  And just as many look unfulfilling, but are.

So, yes, my life is fulfilling.  But, that does not mean it is always comfortable or without its doubts.

Just today, I had to have an "affirmation" lunch with my husband because I'm back to feeling like I can't please anyone for very long, which always makes me think I must be doing something wrong.  However, he assured me that the fruits of my labor are to come.  In the future.  The very distant future.  At the end of our meal, he handed me a fortune cookie, and jokingly said, "Maybe your answer is in here."  It read, "Ships are safe in the harbor, but that's not what they are built for." 

My I-can-relate-anything-to-anything interpretation of that was "We can't use comfort as a sign that we are doing what we were made to do".  A ship isn't battered by waves until it is doing its job.  Just because I lack the comfort of being surrounded by people who are happy and grateful all the time, doesn't mean I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I am.   Therefore, I am fulfilled.  Fulfillment is only possible when you know you are "the-best-version-of-yourself" and doing what you were made to do.

Yes, my life is fulfilling.  And, I am tremendously grateful to my niece for asking the question to begin with.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for Dallas and her question.  Thank you for having such confidence in me that you continue to place people in my life to love and serve.  Please forgive me when I stop communicating the joy that always comes with doing Your will.  Thank you for my husband, his words of encouragement, and his belief in me.  Thank for a kitchen to work in, and a home to welcome and love those You send.  Please remain with me and all of those who struggle with their vocation, especially when it appears to be of little value to the world!  Thank you for pithy little statements in the middle of a cookie.  Thank you for all.  I love You.  Amen.

A Peek Into Rehab

Someone I know and love is in Rehab.  My family went to visit her yesterday for the first time since she checked in 22 days ago. 

Second only to every Walmart experience I've ever had, I have never been around so many people who were visibly struggling with their flesh for their soul.

I am reminded how important family and people are to one fully engaged in this very real battle - That we "belong to each other", as Mother Teresa says.  I am reminded that we are all engaged in this same battle, only some are winning and some are losing.  I am reminded of the need for our intercession in prayer.  These people cannot get themselves out, by prayer, or any other means.  They need the "body of Christ" in a very real, and tangible way. 

Yesterday, I experienced the lack of hope that the world gives.  My "person" was telling me about the people who have been discharged, only to come back in two day's time.  They are putting their hope in themselves, and "themselves" are not capable of coming through.  She was telling me about a boy who was sitting close by, who had to have "skin checks" every day, because he makes continued attempts on his life by cutting himself.  I would never have known by looking.  All I saw was a boy with hair in his eyes, surrounded by people who clearly loved him.  I was reminded that you cannot presume anything about anyone, especially by looking. 

As I learned yesterday, the first step in a 12-step program is admitting that your life is out of control and that you are powerless over it.  Secondly, that there is a higher power - something bigger, greater, and more powerful than you.   

It is scary for me, even for a few moments, to think as if I were the biggest, greatest, and most powerful force in my life.  I can see how the daily pressure would be too great, and can imagine the temptation to succumb to the unremitting appeal for an essential, life-preserving escape.  This is exactly what God is telling us when He says that we are strong in our weakness.

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.'  I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

If we know we need God above all, and are subject to Him above all, all will be well.  Only then, can our relationships be properly ordered, and we can take our proper place, in humility.

When I used to work with the poor with the St. Vincent de Paul Society, I heard a great analogy:  Imagine you have a garage full of boxes and stuff that has accumulated for years.  You want to clean it out, but there is no obvious starting point.  You feel so overwhelmed by the big, seamless mess, that the best (most peaceful) course of action seems to leave it, as is.

When one lives a life of poverty, or addiction, their whole life feels like that.  It is not just one room in a house.  These people need us. 


Dear Heavenly Father,  Thank you for a car that works to bring us to those in need.  Thank you for the beauty of your Creation.  Thank you for the privilege to participate in another person's life.  Thank you for family, and for those people who give us glimpses of your unconditional love.  Lord, thank you for being a God of order, and for putting us directly under Yourself in that order.

Lord, I beg you to draw near to those who live on the edge of despair, the sin against hope.  Lord, please comfort them, and grant them the grace of wisdom - to know where to begin to sort through the years of accumulated mess.  Please grant them the grace to forgive those by whom they have felt betrayed or abandoned, and to look only to You for fulfillment.  

Please grant those of us You have sustained with your grace, an extra dose of compassion for those who need our intercession.  Help us to take seriously our responsibility to pray and ask graces for those in need, especially because they are incapable themselves.  Help us to extend the mercy we have been granted.  Amen.   

Four Supremely Important Questions

"Redemption, salvation for every individual, consists in doing the will of God, no more and no less."  Fr. Walter Ciszek, He Leadeth Me

Redemption and salvation are THE two most important things for any human life.  Consequently, it is supremely important to understand what the will of God looks like in our daily lives, if that is the means to obtain THE two most important things.

But, "It's hard to know what God wants!"  Right?

Wrong.

According to Fr. John Devlin (one of the retreat masters from my silent retreat), "We must choose between the reign of Christ (loving God and others) and the reign of the devil (whatever increases self and creates distance from God)."

Luke 16:13 and Matthew 6:24 tell us, "No one can serve two masters."  Fr. John agrees, yet points out the reality in our daily lives. "Sometimes, we serve two masters within the same hour."  Can you identify with this?  For most of us, we are constantly choosing self or battling to resist.  We often have an internal struggle on our hands.

He reminded us that after following the Ten Commandments, fulfilling the duties of our state-in-life (spouse, parent, single, religious) is our primary pathway to holiness.  As good as other opportunities and activities are, they must not interfere with the calling we have already received, and the duties which accompany that calling.

So, a few practical questions are very helpful as we navigate our daily lives:

1.  Who am I serving?
2.  Will this get me closer to Heaven?
3.  Am I doing what I should be doing right now?
4.  Is there anything better that I should be doing?

I have found the answers to these questions, throughout a day's time, to be very illuminating.  Since returning from my retreat and pondering these questions, I have changed several things in my life that previously I did habitually and unconsciously.  Specifically:

1.  I silenced the text alert on my phone, so I am not continually being distracted by it, and interrupting what I have already determined needs to be done.  (Instead, I check it and catch up in a quiet moment when I am not otherwise engaged).

2.  I took Facebook off of my phone.  Way too easy to kill a minute, or 5, or 10, several times a day.  Now, I only get on Facebook when I intend to, because it requires me to plop in front of the computer (which I don't like to do).

3.  I stopped checking blog statistics in between posts.  I am writing for God, and to God I am leaving the results.  I was "stealing time" for something that belongs to God anyway.

4.  I am keeping one day commitment-free and limiting the length of other engagements, so that my schedule reflects that my family is my first priority, after God.  I was not doing anything to safeguard the time that is necessary to fulfill the duties relating to my state-in-life, as a wife and mother:  Housecleaning, planning well for meals, jumping on the trampoline, building Legos, and just "being"...

God can also lead us by the circumstances of any given moment.  Often, what we should do next demands to be done, and involves no thought at all.  However, Fr. John reminds us, "We do not answer to the circumstances of our lives.  We answer to the Lord."

"He [God] writes His own Gospel in the hearts of the just.  All their actions, every moment of their lives, are the Gospel of the Holy Spirit.  The souls of the saints are the paper, their sufferings and actions, the ink.  The Holy Spirit with the pen of His power writes a living Gospel, but a Gospel that cannot be read until it has left the press of this life, and has been published on the day of eternity.  Oh! great history!  grand book written by the Holy Spirit in this present time!  It is still in the press.  There is never a day when the type is not arranged, when the ink is not applied, or the pages are not primed." Jean Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this sunny day, time with the women in my women's group this morning, priests who devote themselves to You for the salvation of souls, and for any clarity we gain on our salvation journey.  Thank you for extended quiet where You are most easily heard, and for all of the lights, graces, and consolations You bestowed upon me during those 3 days of silence. 

Lord, please help me to be honest with myself, so that I may be honest with You and others.  Help me to know myself well, so that I may cling to You ever more tightly, and to my own pride, less and less.  Thank you for being so gentle with me, and revealing areas of weakness in times of abundant grace.  I love You.  Amen. 

Oily Hair, No Make-Up, PJs, A Messy House, and A Visitor

I am babysitting a little boy today, my house is a mess because I haven't been home in the morning for the last couple of days (afternoon is naptime, so I am VERY careful not to clean much, for fear of waking my precious sleeping angel!), I haven't washed my hair in two days (which looks like 10 days for most people), and I am still in my pajamas.  At 8:15, I remembered a friend was going to swing by at 9:00!

My first thought when I remembered she was coming was to shower!, get dressed!, put on make-up!, quickly change the sheets that were peed on last night because the whole room was starting to tell on my son!, and straighten up the house!, in that order.

I knew 45 minutes wasn't enough to make progress on even half of the list, so I began triage of my self and house:  Tend to the critical, Leave the serious and minor injuries... but then something occurred to me.  "It will be good for my friend to see me and my house like this!  She always thinks I have it together, and I never raise my voice, and that I have some secret to life that she doesn't have."  Decision made.  Apart from pulling off the nasty sheets and throwing a few blocks in a tub, I did nothing.  I shoved my vanity into the backyard, made a pot of coffee, and awaited my friend in my messy house with a bare face, in PJs.

This move probably has more to do with the very understanding and non-judgmental nature of my friend, and less to do with any personal growth on my part, but it was still a little victory for me.  Maybe if I keep practicing with my friends, one day I will be comfortable doing the same with anyone who comes to my door, without the reassurance of a proven friendship to bolster my courage.

Thank you to Dr. Laura when she writes, "A spotless, totally organized house is not necessarily the most warm, inviting, enjoyable, or appreciated place on the face of the earth.  The warmth of a home comes from the attitude of the people in it, not the decor or the perfection of every detail."

Dear God of House and Home,  Thank you for little inspirations and opportunities to practice humility.  Thank you for the gift of friendship and the lack of judgment that comes with it.  Please help me to care more what You think of me than what others think of me.  Please give those who feel that everyone else has it figured out, the grace to know that there is always something to be endured, as well as something to be enjoyed.  Please give me the grace to overcome my vanity, so that I may enjoy unexpected visitors and open my home to others without fear.  Oh, and thank you for Dr. Laura.  Amen.

Home - The Place Where One Learns To Love, Or Not

"For most people, the family is the place where one learns to love, or not...We most likely do not learn to love from our school, or from our place of employment, or from our interactions with the government.  Now we might, when we are older, learn a lot about love from our friends or a romantic love.  But at crucial developmental periods prior to adulthood, if we do not come to understand the contents of attentive, secure, sacrificial love from our family, we will likely be impaired in ways difficult, if not impossible, to transcend in the matter of giving and receiving love."  ~Helen Alvare, "The Family and the Values of Human Life"

What kind of environment did you grow up in?  Do you recognize the environment described above, one of attentive, secure, and sacrificial love?  If not, have you (or do you) get stuck playing the "What if?" game?  What if my parents didn't divorce when I was four?  What if my Mom didn't marry a guy who introduced me to life in the country and bought me my first horse?  What if my Dad didn't marry a woman who has prayed for me and guided me spiritually since the moment I met her?  What if my mom didn't have that car accident and become a quadriplegic when I was 16?  What if?  What if?  What if?! 

"An environment is needed for the flourishing of every kind of life...Much more is required; a living environment, circumstances that will allow the person who wishes to live to breathe, grow, and nourish himself. If the environment disappears, so does the life..." ~Fr. Bernard Bro

If we are (at least in part) products of our environment,  how different would you be today if your environment was different, for better or worse?  We can't really know for sure, but we can remember this when we see someone who has done something we would never do.  "If the environment disappears, so does the life..."

Have you noticed that those who were deprived of a loving environment quickly attribute their lack of development, negative attributes, or lack of virtue to it?  They inherently know they didn't receive what was crucial for their development.  And yet, those who were well-loved and provided for, are able to flourish and excel without needing to examine why.  They just know that nothing is holding them back. 

What kind of environment do you create for those around you?  Something like Heaven or closer to Hell? 

"It seems that each one of us creates either heaven or hell on earth for those around us, by what we say and do, by what is in our hearts.  We have the power to bring division and pain, or to bring peace and joy." ~Susan Conroy

The environment we create in our homes is largely unseen by others, and it is all-too-easy to buy into the lie that "there are no achievements where there is no recognition."  "The private world is the world of intimate relationships without which we cannot live fully human or happy lives; it is the realm where the individual is cherished and the memories that give us a sense of self and connection are most readily built." ~Endow study guide

Environment.  Not trees and carbon footprints and global warming.  Your environment.  Think about your space, your home, your life.  Are you creating the environment you intend to create?  Do you like being in the environment you've created?  If you don't, don't worry, because you are the solution!  You can begin changing it as soon as you decide.  Pick one thing and go with it.  Be specific!! 

Being more loving, more kind, less selfish, etc. are nice, but vague!  What does that look like?  Are you going to say more nice things or abstain from saying a few mean things?  Wash the dishes without complaining?  Do one thing at a time?  Spend more time in prayer?  When?  Get up earlier?  Go out (joyfully) when you'd rather stay home, or stay home (joyfully) when you'd rather go out?  Play Legos instead of check email?  The sky is the limit, but keep your feet on the ground and stick with specifics!

Aside from participating in the miraculous creation of another human being, your environment is the most important thing you will ever create.  It is not always easy to see, but it is something that is always felt.

Dear Heavenly Father and Creator of all that is Good,  Thank you for parents who created an environment where learning to love was easy.  Thank you for allowing us to participate in Creation - Creation of bodies and souls, and creation of the environment where we live.  Lord, we lift up those who were left wanting in their childhood, and pray that you send them people who can show them Your love.  Please convict us of the importance of what we are doing in our homes, that which few people ever see.  Help us to reject the notion that what we are doing has no value.  Please fill our hearts with Your love, so that it may spill over onto those with whom our encounters are many and close. Help us to create an environment where love reigns and self serves.  Amen.

Innumerable Actions of Very Little Importance

I haven't written in a while, because I haven't encountered anything that could inspire more than a sentence or two.  That hasn't really changed, but enough time has passed that a many "sentence or two" can turn out to be something worth reading. 

I read my favorite book ever, Abandonment to Divine Providence by Fr. Jean Pierre de Caussade a year ago on my Kindle.  I highlighted the book in its entirety (practically).  Normally, when I read a paper book, I handwrite the things I want to remember in another book for easier reference.  However, I used the lazy Kindle highlighting function, so I am just now going back and writing all of the quotes I loved, basically the whole thing.

"Review your life.  Is it not composed of innumerable actions of very little importance?  Well, God is quite satisfied with these.  They are the share that the soul must take in the work of its perfection."

Lately, my share in the work of my soul's perfection has consisted of cancelling my gym membership, cleaning the house, and facilitating a class for women at my Church.

I cancelled my gym membership because I would have to drag my 3-year-old out of the house 5 days a week to get 3 workouts in.  I'm already committed the other two.  It's not fair to him and it frees us up, alot.  I can work out while he's playing on the jungle gym or "walk the street" in front of my house while he's napping.  So far so good.

As for housecleaning, I dusted off a cleaning chart I made some years ago and am putting it back to work!  My husband helped me arrive at this resolution by reminding me (after several weeks of stewing on it) that he goes to work everyday; That's his job.  My "job" is to care for the kiddos that are home and take care of the house.  That's the deal.

Before I could admit that he was right, I had to remind him that he works for a paycheck.  I work to please him (Lord knows the kids don't care about whether the blinds are dusted!!).  For a while, it seemed like there wasn't much I could do to please him, so it was killing my motivation a little (read: a lot).  I told him that even though he likes his job, if he stopped getting paid, he might be inclined to quit showing up.  Same here.

To make a short story long, He was right and I had to spend a few days figuring out how to work cleaning back in the schedule, but we're back to good and the house is happy. 

By the way, one of my most invaluable tools for planning my time, is my Miranous planner.  Miranda Walichowski designed it and illustrates on every page what our priorities should be.  All you have to do is fill in the space to put in the specifics from your life:  God, Family, S.E.L.F. (Social, Emotional, Leisure, Fitness), Home, and Work.  You can check out her stuff at www.miranous.com.  I stopped using my planner over the summer and could have avoided the "housecleaning issue" with my husband if I would not have done that!

Lastly, a word about the power of the spoken word...

I talked to an old friend from KS a couple of weeks ago.  After a little catching up, he asked me how my family was doing.  I said, "Great."  He said, "I heard you were getting a divorce.  It really upset me to hear that."  I asked who he heard that from and he said "Oh, I think it went through just about everybody (all of the people we used to work with)".I said, "Frank, that's not true.  Everything is fine.  There isn't a bit of truth to that."  He was relieved and so was I! 

I didn't expect that weird conversation to hang with me, but it did.  I texted my husband about the conversation and my phone rang as soon as I hit "Send".  "What?  Who said that?  Who told him that?"  and so on...  I was amused at first that someone still cared enough about me to start a rumor 10 years after working with me, but then it just unsettled me.  Thoughts like, "Is everything okay in my marriage?  Is there something I don't know? After all, I live with my husband and he seemed just as shocked as I was, so surely there's nothing to it."  It sounds ridiculous even to write this, but that is the power of the word!  A great reminder to only speak truth and life!     

Dear Creator and Redeemer, Thank you for giving us the Word made flesh.  Thank you for teaching us about the power of our words, through your Son.  Thank you for planners (and the people who make them) that begin and end the day with You.  Thank you for marriage and the way it makes us better people.  Thank you for housecleaning charts and all of the other ways we can be held accountable.  Thank you for giving us Your grace when we ask for it, as we continue each day with innumberable actions of very little importance.  I hope You really are satisfied with those.  I love you.  Amen.