Friendship and the Power to Change the World

It's barely 8:00 on Sunday morning, and I have walked for 30 minutes, prayed the Rosary (during my walk), and finished my morning prayer.  All of my boys are still asleep.  I cannot tell you how good this feels!  I want to share this with you, because it's new and it's happening because of the influence of one person. 

Yesterday, I downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my phone, and headed out the door at 6:45am to begin Day 1.  I arrived back home in 30 minutes sweaty and satisfied.  I dropped my gym membership about a year ago, and haven't done much of anything since then.  I just couldn't commit nor did I even want to.  Until two days ago.

Two days ago, I got together with a friend who has three boys (like me) and a 7-month-old baby girl.  She was wearing her workout clothes when we arrived, so I pressed about her exercise routine.  She told me she gets up early before her kids wake and walks/jogs for 20 minutes, and she's not a runner.  One of her earliest nicknames was "Turtle".  This blew me away.  She has one more little one than I do, is not "good" at running, and she was still finding a way to exercise! 

Just knowing that she was doing it, was all I needed!  She changed my world.  There was other fruit from the time spent together as well, and I found myself marveling at the impact she made on me in the span of a morning.

It just so happens that my boys and I have had a lot of friend time this week, and I felt similarly inspired and challenged after each encounter.  Feeling very blessed in friendship, pondering the impact of those friendships, and making concrete changes in my life because of them was the perfect thought environment to enter into the Living Life With Passion and Purpose talk by Matthew Kelly I attended yesterday.

He had a lot of compelling things to say about the voice of God, personal clarity, Jesus, and being who you should be, and I plan to ponder them for some time.  I highly encourage you to check him out if you are looking to change your life in a powerful and positive way. 

One of the things that really stuck with me was the idea of a Spectrum of Engagement.  In any given area of our life (marriage, parenting, work, play) we engage anywhere from 100% to not-at-all.  "We engage or disengage in EVERYTHING we do".  He discussed what their research has shown about the two qualities highly engaged people always have:

1.  They're committed to continuous learning.
2.  They're hungry for best practices.  (Who's the best in the world at this and what can I learn from them?)

He also discussed the idea of universal talent vs. unique talent.  Universal talent is something we can all do.  Our universal talent is the ability to make a difference in other people's lives.  But, because we all have it, we tend to de-value it.  This is in contrast to unique talent (being exceptional at something), which is the type of talent our culture is obsessed with.  "Our culture takes what's important and makes it trivial, and takes what's trivial and makes it important."

These ideas took me back to thinking about my friends.  My friends are highly engaged people.  Only I never would have thought to label them before.  This is what attracts me to them.  This is why they challenge and inspire me.  This is why I need to make a better effort (which in my case, is any), to spend time with them. 

I am the beneficiary of my friends' universal talent - Their ability to make a difference in the lives of others, and specifically, my own.  In my conscious thought, if I could choose between being the best in the world at something, or having the power to impact another's life for good, I would choose the second.  Every time.

But, in my subconscious mind, it is easy to fantasize about the first and overlook the second.  The "bests" in the world are easy to envy.  Their lives are so "pretty" from the outside.  But, this past week with my friends, and listening to Matthew Kelly reminded me of the power contained in friendship.

Fr. Scott Reilly says, "Every person is a world.  Change one person, you change a world." 

I don't know who is the best in the world at being a wife, a mother, or a friend.  But, I know who are the best in my world, and that's all I need to know.


Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for my friends, and the power of their example!!  Thank you for the opportunity to listen to Matthew Kelly speak yesterday and the seeds that were planted.  Thank you for friends who reach out, even and especially when it's not "their turn".  Please forgive my selfishness and lack of generosity.  Please help me to value what is important, devalue what is trivial, and know the difference.  Thank you for couch to 5K phone apps, and rosaries on podcast.  Thank you for Sundays and the freedom we have in this country to worship You without fear.  I love You and I thank You from the bottom of my heart for giving me companions on this journey who make me better.  Amen.

Reflection On A "Short" Life

If you read my last post, you know that I had a friend who died over the weekend.  She was 60 years old and a long-time friend of the family.  She didn't have any children of her own, so she "adopted" me and my siblings.  She would take us for a week in the summer to go fishing, make dolls, and just "be".  And she died in the middle of the night.  Her husband went to wake her when she didn't get up at the sound of her alarm, and she was gone. 

I've been thinking about how 60 seems like such a young age to die, and how it is harder to accept death when it seems wrong in some way. 

I bought my boys a couple of books on the lives of the Saints for the Feast of St. Nicholas, with the idea that we would learn about a new one every day of the year.  Our reading has been more miss than hit, but it occurred to me that most of the saints we've learned about die somewhere in or around their 40's.  Many younger than that, but few older.

That got me to thinking that if Heaven is full of people who have lived "short" lives, then maybe their lives aren't so short after all.  If you have lived long enough to enter Heaven, then that's really all that matters.  Time spent speculating on all that could have been, or lamenting the chasm between the final outcome and our expectations, is not time well spent.

Maybe one of the reasons for the many, many saints produced by centuries past, is that the people knew they wouldn't have 80 plus years to get it right.  If we were middle-aged at 20, there would probably be a lot less pot-smoking going on, and a lot more praying!  Maybe we would live more consciously.  My guess is that we would more readily live a life that glorifies God, and at a much younger age, too.    

Dear God, Thank you for the peace that comes with the first day back to school.  Thank you for my friend, Linda, and for the time we spent together.  Thank you for the lives of the saints, and the way they inspire us to emulate them.  You are the Author of Life and Redeemer of death.  Thank you for giving us Your Son, who is everything we need to spend eternity with You.  Amen.      

I Should Have Answered the Phone

Have you ever had someone in your life that simply loved you well?  No strings attached.  Love without obligation or responsibility.  Love that seeks you out because you're you.  Years go by without seeing one another or even talking on the phone, but the world is still a friendlier and sunnier place because you know they're out there and they're crazy about you?  And the only memories you have together are good and wonderful with no junk thrown in?

I have.

 And today, during my son's naptime, my phone rang, and the number belonged to one of these special someone's.  But, I didn't answer.  I knew it was going to be a long conversation since we hadn't caught up in so long, and my son was asleep, and I was working on a gift that I needed to finish by tomorrow, blah, blah, blah...  So, I didn't answer and thought I would call her a little later today.

On the way to Mass, my friend called me again.  Once again, I didn't answer because I didn't have time to talk (and I hate it when people answer the phone to tell me they don't have time to talk - especially when I haven't talked to them in a really long time).  I generally think it is best practice to let your voicemail get it, if you really can't talk.  But, today, that was not what was best.

I got in the car after Mass and my husband's phone rang.  It was my Mom trying to get a hold of me.  She called to tell me that her (and my) lifelong friend died yesterday.  The same one I thought was calling me a couple of hours before.  When I didn't answer.  Only it couldn't have been.  She died yesterday.  It must have been her husband calling me from her phone, trying to get in touch with me, to let me know.  I tried to call him back tonight, but he didn't answer.  I left a voicemail.

I will be going to KS for the funeral in a couple of days and will be chewing on memories between now and then.  She was a tried and true friend to my Mom and my family, and a sheer blessing to me.

I trust she is in Heaven or on her way, so I'm not sad for her.  I will be praying for her soul and asking her to pray for mine. 

But, I am left with myself, which isn't feeling too awesome at the moment.  I'm a bad friend.  I should have answered the phone.  And the thing is, I'm a bad friend to many.  I don't initiate.  I don't reach out, unless there is an urgent need.  I don't pick up the phone to call, or sometimes even answer (if I can't talk or it's naptime). 

The last thing I want to do is make excuses, but I've tried to figure this out about myself at different times, and I think it boils down to being an introvert.  My husband argued with this assessment for years, but it's true.  I really love and am truly interested in people and their lives, but I recharge at home.  Alone.  In the quiet.  Raising three boys, seven and under, doesn't generally allow for the kind (or quantity) of recharging that I need.  So, I am always craving it, but fighting it at the same time, and I hate this about myself, especially today.

I know my friend knew that I loved her, but not because I showed it very well.  And for this, I am sorry.       


Dear Heavenly Father,  Thank you for my friend, Linda, and for all that she added to the lives of those around her.  Thank you for the friend that she was to my mother and to my family.  Thank you for the way that she loved me.  Please, eternal rest grant unto her, and let Your Perpetual Light shine upon her and the souls of all the faithful departed.  Through Your Mercy, let them rest in peace.  Lord, Please comfort her husband.  Rest Your Hand upon him and let Him know you are near.  Please forgive me for my selfishness today and every time it has robbed another of a blessing you had in store for them.  Especially when You intended it to come from me.  Lord, please show me how to be a better friend.  I don't want to fail those you have entrusted to me.  Amen.     

Oily Hair, No Make-Up, PJs, A Messy House, and A Visitor

I am babysitting a little boy today, my house is a mess because I haven't been home in the morning for the last couple of days (afternoon is naptime, so I am VERY careful not to clean much, for fear of waking my precious sleeping angel!), I haven't washed my hair in two days (which looks like 10 days for most people), and I am still in my pajamas.  At 8:15, I remembered a friend was going to swing by at 9:00!

My first thought when I remembered she was coming was to shower!, get dressed!, put on make-up!, quickly change the sheets that were peed on last night because the whole room was starting to tell on my son!, and straighten up the house!, in that order.

I knew 45 minutes wasn't enough to make progress on even half of the list, so I began triage of my self and house:  Tend to the critical, Leave the serious and minor injuries... but then something occurred to me.  "It will be good for my friend to see me and my house like this!  She always thinks I have it together, and I never raise my voice, and that I have some secret to life that she doesn't have."  Decision made.  Apart from pulling off the nasty sheets and throwing a few blocks in a tub, I did nothing.  I shoved my vanity into the backyard, made a pot of coffee, and awaited my friend in my messy house with a bare face, in PJs.

This move probably has more to do with the very understanding and non-judgmental nature of my friend, and less to do with any personal growth on my part, but it was still a little victory for me.  Maybe if I keep practicing with my friends, one day I will be comfortable doing the same with anyone who comes to my door, without the reassurance of a proven friendship to bolster my courage.

Thank you to Dr. Laura when she writes, "A spotless, totally organized house is not necessarily the most warm, inviting, enjoyable, or appreciated place on the face of the earth.  The warmth of a home comes from the attitude of the people in it, not the decor or the perfection of every detail."

Dear God of House and Home,  Thank you for little inspirations and opportunities to practice humility.  Thank you for the gift of friendship and the lack of judgment that comes with it.  Please help me to care more what You think of me than what others think of me.  Please give those who feel that everyone else has it figured out, the grace to know that there is always something to be endured, as well as something to be enjoyed.  Please give me the grace to overcome my vanity, so that I may enjoy unexpected visitors and open my home to others without fear.  Oh, and thank you for Dr. Laura.  Amen.

Uncomfortable Enough to Change

I met with my women's group at Church for an "Encounter with Christ" this morning for the first time since May.  It was wonderful to see them and the conversation and discussion were fruitful and positive, as always.  However, after I got home I realized a slight uneasiness, a discomfort.  I remember this feeling is not uncommon for me after these meetings; it's just been a while since I've been to one.  As I tried to get at the root of this feeling that seems paradoxical to the actual experience , it occurred to me...I have been challenged.  I feel a little uncomfortable because I know I could be doing better.  I got glimpses into three other lives which are lived striving after holiness, day after day.  Lives who all have aspects that are better or holier than mine.  This is not because they condemned or preached to me, but things that I can see for myself.  This is not a pity party or a competition, but a call to something more.  To respond to a more complete view of the Truth and to live in the light of that Truth.

I read something in the past day or two about iron sharpening iron.  Today, I am thankful for these "iron" women.  They make me better, sharper.  If it weren't for them, I would not know what I am not doing.  I would likely be satisfied that I'm doing enough.  Enough for God.  Enough for my family.  Enough for my neigbor. 

"God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy," as George MacDonald says.  Sounds about right.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for sisters and friends who lead us to You.  Thank you for their faithfulness and for helping me through them and glimpses into their lives.  Thank you for so many helps as I try to figure it all out in this pilgrim land.  Please continue to put people in my life who challenge me to be more like You.  Please continue to give me the grace to recognize when I am uncomfortable because I need to change and help me to make the changes necessary.  I want to please and satisfy You.  Your grace is sufficient for me.  Amen.