Four Supremely Important Questions

"Redemption, salvation for every individual, consists in doing the will of God, no more and no less."  Fr. Walter Ciszek, He Leadeth Me

Redemption and salvation are THE two most important things for any human life.  Consequently, it is supremely important to understand what the will of God looks like in our daily lives, if that is the means to obtain THE two most important things.

But, "It's hard to know what God wants!"  Right?

Wrong.

According to Fr. John Devlin (one of the retreat masters from my silent retreat), "We must choose between the reign of Christ (loving God and others) and the reign of the devil (whatever increases self and creates distance from God)."

Luke 16:13 and Matthew 6:24 tell us, "No one can serve two masters."  Fr. John agrees, yet points out the reality in our daily lives. "Sometimes, we serve two masters within the same hour."  Can you identify with this?  For most of us, we are constantly choosing self or battling to resist.  We often have an internal struggle on our hands.

He reminded us that after following the Ten Commandments, fulfilling the duties of our state-in-life (spouse, parent, single, religious) is our primary pathway to holiness.  As good as other opportunities and activities are, they must not interfere with the calling we have already received, and the duties which accompany that calling.

So, a few practical questions are very helpful as we navigate our daily lives:

1.  Who am I serving?
2.  Will this get me closer to Heaven?
3.  Am I doing what I should be doing right now?
4.  Is there anything better that I should be doing?

I have found the answers to these questions, throughout a day's time, to be very illuminating.  Since returning from my retreat and pondering these questions, I have changed several things in my life that previously I did habitually and unconsciously.  Specifically:

1.  I silenced the text alert on my phone, so I am not continually being distracted by it, and interrupting what I have already determined needs to be done.  (Instead, I check it and catch up in a quiet moment when I am not otherwise engaged).

2.  I took Facebook off of my phone.  Way too easy to kill a minute, or 5, or 10, several times a day.  Now, I only get on Facebook when I intend to, because it requires me to plop in front of the computer (which I don't like to do).

3.  I stopped checking blog statistics in between posts.  I am writing for God, and to God I am leaving the results.  I was "stealing time" for something that belongs to God anyway.

4.  I am keeping one day commitment-free and limiting the length of other engagements, so that my schedule reflects that my family is my first priority, after God.  I was not doing anything to safeguard the time that is necessary to fulfill the duties relating to my state-in-life, as a wife and mother:  Housecleaning, planning well for meals, jumping on the trampoline, building Legos, and just "being"...

God can also lead us by the circumstances of any given moment.  Often, what we should do next demands to be done, and involves no thought at all.  However, Fr. John reminds us, "We do not answer to the circumstances of our lives.  We answer to the Lord."

"He [God] writes His own Gospel in the hearts of the just.  All their actions, every moment of their lives, are the Gospel of the Holy Spirit.  The souls of the saints are the paper, their sufferings and actions, the ink.  The Holy Spirit with the pen of His power writes a living Gospel, but a Gospel that cannot be read until it has left the press of this life, and has been published on the day of eternity.  Oh! great history!  grand book written by the Holy Spirit in this present time!  It is still in the press.  There is never a day when the type is not arranged, when the ink is not applied, or the pages are not primed." Jean Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this sunny day, time with the women in my women's group this morning, priests who devote themselves to You for the salvation of souls, and for any clarity we gain on our salvation journey.  Thank you for extended quiet where You are most easily heard, and for all of the lights, graces, and consolations You bestowed upon me during those 3 days of silence. 

Lord, please help me to be honest with myself, so that I may be honest with You and others.  Help me to know myself well, so that I may cling to You ever more tightly, and to my own pride, less and less.  Thank you for being so gentle with me, and revealing areas of weakness in times of abundant grace.  I love You.  Amen. 

Gossip and Correction

Most of us are a little uncomfortable correcting one another.  This topic comes up a lot, because we're confused about the right course of action.  Until now.  I attended a Morning of Reflection two weeks ago; Gossip 2.0 - Fraternal Correction was the topic.  Fr. Michael Sullivan, LC deftly led us through this touchy subject.  Following are my notes from that morning, based on Fr. Michael's presentation, which he compiled based on St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa:

Matthew 18:15-17

If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.  If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.  If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that 'every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.'  If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church.  If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.

~  Fraternal correction is the antidote to gossip

~Gripes should always go up the chain of command, not down.

~How do you correct a brother/sister?  Fraternal correction is charitable.  Sin is harmful to the sinner and conducive to harming others.  The first goal is improvement of the sinner by driving out evil to procure good (protection from himself).  The second goal is to safeguard justice for the common good.

Note:  Negative precepts DO NOT have exceptions.  ie.  Thou shall not kill, Thou shall not commit adultery, etc..  For any act: consider the object, circumstance, and purpose.  If any part is wrong, it is ALL wrong.

~Can one sinner correct another?  Yes!  Sin doesn't deprive us of all right judgment.

~When we have to find fault with anyone, consider if you have also committed the same sin and that we are all weak.

~Should you correct a person who will become worse for the correction?  No!  If the person will not heed warning, omit the correction.  It is no longer a good.

~Secret correction should always precede public correction.

~Practice prudence:
1.  Counsel - Seek advice from the wise.
2.  Judgment - Make the call.
3.  Action - Do it.

~Speak of someone as if they were present.

~Believe all the good you hear, and only the evil you see.

~Avoid being triangulated.  Take yourself out of the position of authority if two friends are using you as a referee or mediator.

~All truths do not have to be communicated in all circumstances.

~Be wary of neglect and micro-management.

~When we correct peer to peer, it is charity.  When correction takes place from the top down, it is justice.  (end of notes)

I hope this helps you.  It was a great morning, and clarified many things for me.  Feel free to ask questions in the comments section, if you need further clarification.  We covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time, so I hope my notes are sufficient. 

A few other quotes on gossip to keep in mind the damaging potential of this easy-to-engage-in sin:

The slanderer commits three murders:  his own soul, the soul of he who listens, and civil death to the object of his slander.  When you hear evil of anyone, cast any doubt you can.  If that is impossible, make any available excuse for the culprit.  If not possible, be pitiful and compassionate, and remind those you are speaking to, that such as stand upright do so solely with God's grace.  Do your best to kindly check the scandal bearer, and if you know anything favorable to the person criticized, take pains to mention it.  - Introduction to the Devout Life, St. Francis de Sales

When I want to speak, let me think first.  Is it kind?  Is it true?  Is it necessary?  If not, let it be left unsaid.  -Babcock

Let thy words be few.  -Ecclesiastes 5:2

A good test for conversation:  If you wouldn't write it and sign your name to it, don't say it.

Dear Heavenly Father,  Thank you for this beautiful day.  Thank you for giving us many helps when we try to apply Your Word to our lives.  Please grant us wisdom and prudence when we see our brother sinning or are privy to gossip.  Lord, we do not want to be an obstacle for anyone in their walk with You.  Help us to act out of love, pure intention, and humility.  Amen. 

Babysitting - An Exercise in Many Virtues

This journal entry is from September 2011.  I'm including it today, because God keeps giving me opportunities to work on this thing I'm not very good at.  He keeps sending me little boys who are in desperate need of a family setting.  I often ask God for opportunites to prove my love, but don't always recognize or love the ones he sends very well.  I daresay I am making progress (with God's grace) and time.  Everything seems to be getting easier as my boys get older.

It is really hard for me to babysit (Sorry, friends - Hang with me on this one and you'll see why).  Is this a lack of charity due to selfishness?!  I hate whining, picky-eating, bad manners, lots of noise, and chaos.  Is it pride?  Because I think my kids are better than their kids?  Lack of mercy because I haven't needed their mercy (because I have an awesome mother-in-law 2 doors down)?  It steals my peace.  I feel like my plate is already full and is simply too full with more kids. 

I think I should be able to do it well - with no thought of self, without any reservations, or feelings of negativity.  It bothers me that I don't do it well, but pretend that I can.  I don't feel like I can say "No" without being uncharitable or selfish.

It requires me to be mindful of another person's state in life.  COMPASSION.  God is calling me to suffer, albeit a trifling matter, in this way.  It is suffering because I am embarassed about the way I feel about it and I wish I felt differently.  HUMILITY.  It demands more of my time, which is already so painfully little.  GENEROSITY.  It requires me to be merciful, gentle, and patient in the face of whininess, demanding natures, bad manners, and bigger messes (KINDNESS, PATIENCE, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL).

Wow!  It is requiring of me the practice of all the virtues I pray for!!  Kindness, gentleness, patience, self-control, generosity, humility, and compassion!

Wow!  Thank you, God for this clarity.  This is the answer to the prayer I requested when I entered into Your Presence (in the Adoration Chapel, where I was writing this).

You are so merciful, generous, patient, and gentle!  Help me to be more like You!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Note to friends - Please don't feel like you can never ask me to babysit when you are in a bind!  Clearly, you would be depriving me of an opportunity to work on many virtues that I need a lot of work in!

Note to friend, Janet - You amaze me that you always have kids with you that are not your own.  You take it all in stride and I can see that God gives you this grace.  Thank you for your example in living this generosity so well!