It is humbling to be a parent.
Generally speaking, everyone in our family gets along well-enough most of the time, that there is no real reason to take a hard look at the family dynamic. Until we were halfway between Natural Bridge Caverns and Enchanted Rock.
Something was plaguing my middle son. I don't know if his black cloud was brought on by the flu he had at the beginning of the week or what. All I know is that whatever it was, was very ill-timed.
The day before, we spent the morning walking through the first real cave my boys have been in, and it was magnificent besides. We spent the afternoon playing in the spring water at a New Braunfels park, had a great dinner, and spent the night at a hotel, which was a major highlight in its own right. The negativity ebbed and flowed from my middle son, and was checked by us at its peaks.
The negativity started ramping up again the following morning, and came to a head in route to Enchanted Rock, (where after we camped last Spring Break, vowed to spend every Spring Break thereafter). He was talking about what a boring life he had and I'm pretty sure there was something about wishing he lived with a different family.
My husband pulled the car over and they had a conversation which didn't require any words. We decided that if he wasn't able to pull his bad attitude out of the gutter between where we were and where we were going, he could stay in the car with me, and the rest of the family would spend the day hiking as planned. His choice.
He got it turned around. But, just as he did, my oldest took cover under that same black cloud. I would have loved to have seen (and squished) that little black crab, hiding in that black cloud, jumping from one to the other. Damn thing. On our ascent of Enchanted Rock (the same rock they climbed and conquered and have been talking about for a year), my oldest decided we were his enemies, and he wasn't going to climb all the way up because his legs were too tired. Oh, boy.
I'm thinking, "This is fun! Now, I'm pretty sure I have some of the most spoiled kids in this park, which makes me one of the worst parents in this park, etc..."
We finished climbing, and once we got to the top, all was well. It ended up being a great day and the black crab must have hopped families. Interestingly, I saw a father gripping his son by his arm on top of that same rock, giving him the "attitude" talk. I'm just saying...
But, I was not unscathed. On the way home, all the kiddos were sacked out from a full day of climbing and sun. I asked my husband, "Do I need to be doing something differently?" If my kids can be so ungrateful and negative in such great moments, I feel like I must be doing something wrong. He said something like "Kids only have kid's perspectives. They can't really appreciate anything because they've never known anything else." They have everything they need and a lot of what they want. Don't get me wrong. Our kids only get gifts for Christmas and birthdays. Otherwise, they buy what they want with their own money, saved from special occasions or earned from chores. But, they are "spoiled" because of the lack of balance in their life.
Basically, they have more than they need coming in (free time, attention, pleasures, stuff), and less of what we need going out (gratitude, respect, work, positive attitude). So, I changed our current protocol to produce different and satisfactory results - Decrease what is coming in, and increase what is going out.
Feeling very pleased with this assessment, I sat down and made a list of daily jobs for each boy, in conjunction with a handy "three-strikes-and-you're-out" check mark system for all the behaviors and attitudes we don't want to see. I covered it with the boys over dinner and relished briefly in the feeling of regaining a sense of balance, control, and peace. But, then I realized... I've done all this before. There is nothing new here. Just a re-commitment to doing what I've already committed to do - Raise children who Love. Appreciate. Respect. Serve.
It is humbling to be a parent.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the beauty of Your Creation and time to enjoy it. Thank you for Spring Break as a time to recover from the flu and see something new. Thank you for the humility demanded in parenthood. Thank you for new inspirations and moments of clarity. Please grant us wisdom, as we raise our children in this wealthy country, where we want for nothing. Lord, help me to be the mother you intended me to be, before you granted me the gift of motherhood. Help me to talk less and act more. Thank you for the gift of a partner in the difficult journey of raising children. Please sustain those who have to do it on their own. Thank you for so many chances to get it right and help us extend Your Mercy to those who live under our own roof. Please bless our children with hearts like Yours. Help them to be meek and humble of heart, so that they may enjoy Your Presence for eternity. Amen.
Showing posts with label Order. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Order. Show all posts
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
A Peek Into Rehab
Someone I know and love is in Rehab. My family went to visit her yesterday for the first time since she checked in 22 days ago.
Second only to every Walmart experience I've ever had, I have never been around so many people who were visibly struggling with their flesh for their soul.
I am reminded how important family and people are to one fully engaged in this very real battle - That we "belong to each other", as Mother Teresa says. I am reminded that we are all engaged in this same battle, only some are winning and some are losing. I am reminded of the need for our intercession in prayer. These people cannot get themselves out, by prayer, or any other means. They need the "body of Christ" in a very real, and tangible way.
Yesterday, I experienced the lack of hope that the world gives. My "person" was telling me about the people who have been discharged, only to come back in two day's time. They are putting their hope in themselves, and "themselves" are not capable of coming through. She was telling me about a boy who was sitting close by, who had to have "skin checks" every day, because he makes continued attempts on his life by cutting himself. I would never have known by looking. All I saw was a boy with hair in his eyes, surrounded by people who clearly loved him. I was reminded that you cannot presume anything about anyone, especially by looking.
As I learned yesterday, the first step in a 12-step program is admitting that your life is out of control and that you are powerless over it. Secondly, that there is a higher power - something bigger, greater, and more powerful than you.
It is scary for me, even for a few moments, to think as if I were the biggest, greatest, and most powerful force in my life. I can see how the daily pressure would be too great, and can imagine the temptation to succumb to the unremitting appeal for an essential, life-preserving escape. This is exactly what God is telling us when He says that we are strong in our weakness.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
If we know we need God above all, and are subject to Him above all, all will be well. Only then, can our relationships be properly ordered, and we can take our proper place, in humility.
When I used to work with the poor with the St. Vincent de Paul Society, I heard a great analogy: Imagine you have a garage full of boxes and stuff that has accumulated for years. You want to clean it out, but there is no obvious starting point. You feel so overwhelmed by the big, seamless mess, that the best (most peaceful) course of action seems to leave it, as is.
When one lives a life of poverty, or addiction, their whole life feels like that. It is not just one room in a house. These people need us.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for a car that works to bring us to those in need. Thank you for the beauty of your Creation. Thank you for the privilege to participate in another person's life. Thank you for family, and for those people who give us glimpses of your unconditional love. Lord, thank you for being a God of order, and for putting us directly under Yourself in that order.
Lord, I beg you to draw near to those who live on the edge of despair, the sin against hope. Lord, please comfort them, and grant them the grace of wisdom - to know where to begin to sort through the years of accumulated mess. Please grant them the grace to forgive those by whom they have felt betrayed or abandoned, and to look only to You for fulfillment.
Please grant those of us You have sustained with your grace, an extra dose of compassion for those who need our intercession. Help us to take seriously our responsibility to pray and ask graces for those in need, especially because they are incapable themselves. Help us to extend the mercy we have been granted. Amen.
Second only to every Walmart experience I've ever had, I have never been around so many people who were visibly struggling with their flesh for their soul.
I am reminded how important family and people are to one fully engaged in this very real battle - That we "belong to each other", as Mother Teresa says. I am reminded that we are all engaged in this same battle, only some are winning and some are losing. I am reminded of the need for our intercession in prayer. These people cannot get themselves out, by prayer, or any other means. They need the "body of Christ" in a very real, and tangible way.
Yesterday, I experienced the lack of hope that the world gives. My "person" was telling me about the people who have been discharged, only to come back in two day's time. They are putting their hope in themselves, and "themselves" are not capable of coming through. She was telling me about a boy who was sitting close by, who had to have "skin checks" every day, because he makes continued attempts on his life by cutting himself. I would never have known by looking. All I saw was a boy with hair in his eyes, surrounded by people who clearly loved him. I was reminded that you cannot presume anything about anyone, especially by looking.
As I learned yesterday, the first step in a 12-step program is admitting that your life is out of control and that you are powerless over it. Secondly, that there is a higher power - something bigger, greater, and more powerful than you.
It is scary for me, even for a few moments, to think as if I were the biggest, greatest, and most powerful force in my life. I can see how the daily pressure would be too great, and can imagine the temptation to succumb to the unremitting appeal for an essential, life-preserving escape. This is exactly what God is telling us when He says that we are strong in our weakness.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
If we know we need God above all, and are subject to Him above all, all will be well. Only then, can our relationships be properly ordered, and we can take our proper place, in humility.
When I used to work with the poor with the St. Vincent de Paul Society, I heard a great analogy: Imagine you have a garage full of boxes and stuff that has accumulated for years. You want to clean it out, but there is no obvious starting point. You feel so overwhelmed by the big, seamless mess, that the best (most peaceful) course of action seems to leave it, as is.
When one lives a life of poverty, or addiction, their whole life feels like that. It is not just one room in a house. These people need us.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for a car that works to bring us to those in need. Thank you for the beauty of your Creation. Thank you for the privilege to participate in another person's life. Thank you for family, and for those people who give us glimpses of your unconditional love. Lord, thank you for being a God of order, and for putting us directly under Yourself in that order.
Lord, I beg you to draw near to those who live on the edge of despair, the sin against hope. Lord, please comfort them, and grant them the grace of wisdom - to know where to begin to sort through the years of accumulated mess. Please grant them the grace to forgive those by whom they have felt betrayed or abandoned, and to look only to You for fulfillment.
Please grant those of us You have sustained with your grace, an extra dose of compassion for those who need our intercession. Help us to take seriously our responsibility to pray and ask graces for those in need, especially because they are incapable themselves. Help us to extend the mercy we have been granted. Amen.
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