At the close of my silent retreat last weekend, I parked myself at a pond's edge and took to watching the ducks. At first glance, and certainly my long-held, un-analyzed impression, attributed a peaceful existence to these winged beauties. But, if you watch them for any length of time, you realize they are engaged in ceaseless activity! While it is true, they don't generally make a lot of noise (unless they're chasing off another), they are not at rest! They "duck" their heads under the water, repeatedly. They raise themselves up by flapping their wings. They preen their chests. They preen under their wings. They submerge altogether. They follow. They chase. They paddle. They quack. They fly.
This makes me wonder about their restlessness, which seems ingrained in them. Normally, I think of restlessness as the opposite of contentment. Naturally, the question proposed itself. Are ducks content?
Merriam Webster says content means pleased and satisfied. Not needing more.
I'm not sure, but I think they are incapable of being content or discontented. They are ducks, doing what ducks do. They just are.
Maybe the restlessness/contentment contrast doesn't hold for ducks, but I think it has implications for us. We seem to possess a similar restlessness. We resemble the duck in his ceaseless activity. We are ducks who drive cars.
But, we have an advantage. The advantage. The advantage of knowing our Creator and resting in Him. We are limited by short attention spans, uncomfortable chairs, mercurial thermostats, whiny knees, the tiniest of hunger pangs, and a million assaults from the phone in our pocket, but we ARE capable of it. And the more we practice this resting in the Creator, the more capable we become.
Lord, teach me to rest in You. Amen.
Showing posts with label Contentment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Contentment. Show all posts
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Living Paycheck-To-Paycheck In a Little House at Christmastime
It's Christmastime. Lots of beautiful pictures of beautiful people in beautiful places. There are Christmas parties, well-lit trees, fires in fireplaces, and drinks for all.
Unless there isn't...
Without any direct proof, I suspect a large majority of us live paycheck-to-paycheck. I also suspect that most of us feel poorer at Christmas than at any other time. When you live paycheck-to-paycheck, a Wish list is your nightmare and a credit card's dream, and if you're not lucky enough to have good credit, it's simply a list of Things-I-Don't-Have-Enough-Money-to-Buy (which really isn't helpful any time of the year). It's all-too-easy to look around and wish you lived in one of those big, beautiful houses with endless presents under the tree (that are already paid off). And, if you succumb to your looking around, you allow yourself a long ride on the one-way swing from the "Have" to the "Have-Not" tree.
But, wait. If you happen to be poor this Christmas, just barely making it, or one of those who thinks everyone else's Christmas is bigger, more beautiful, more Christmas-y, or more perfect than yours, venture with me to my childhood mind, for just a minute...
I have never lived in a big house by American standards, but have only lived in mansions if you're from any other country on the planet. As a little girl, I remember dreaming about dormer windows and a house with an upstairs. I loved the thought of a big house, and the idea of all of those rooms, although I couldn't figure out (and still can't) what they might all be used for. I have never lived in a house that had a room that wasn't used every day, but, I remember driving by big, beautiful houses, and wondering "What is going on in there?" and thinking, "It must be wonderful, whatever it is."
However, I've grown up, and have spent some time considering what it is that drew me to those big, beautiful houses. And, I've discovered it! I always assumed there was more love in a big house. I imagined something delicious baking in the oven, and someone who took the time to make it. I imagined a group of people around a table, smiling and laughing (Ironically, all in one room). I imagined the thoughts, the words, the interactions, the food, and everything in between, to be beautiful and full of love.
Pope John Paul II quoted Dostoevsky when he wrote, "Beauty will save the world." I think I have learned why beauty is so powerful. It is because someone cares enough to make an effort. Beauty is the product of Love. Whether it is the flowers that someone cares enough to water, the cookies someone cares enough to bake, or the decorations that someone cares enough to hang; the love and the someone behind it is where the real attraction is.
I can still appreciate looking at a big, beautiful house, but I would no longer trade it for my own. I now know that the someone(s) inside are the real source of my interest. Scraping by or filthy rich, little house or big house, I have someone. Many, in fact. And if I continue with my suspicions, I suspect you do, too. Celebrate with me, if you have even one person who loves you. And read this poem any time the world tricks you into thinking you are poor. Especially if you are living paycheck-to-paycheck in a little house at Christmastime...
Dear God the Father, Thank you for sending Baby Jesus in His humanity. Thank you, Mary, for saying "Yes". Thank you, Joseph, for stepping in and stepping up. Thank you, Jesus, for being born in a stable. Not in a mansion. Not in your own little house. Not even a room in the inn. Thank you for showing us that "love grows best in little houses". Strengthen us as we guard our eyes, that we may not look away from the blessings in our life for any reason, least of all to look longingly at ways you've blessed another. Please give us the grace to be that someone who strives to make the effort to love, and add beauty to the lives of those around us. Thank you for those who do this continually, and for their example. Please be with those who don't have even one by whom they know they are loved. Let them be known and sought after. Thank you for the wealth you've given us in those we love. You know we would not trade them for any amount of money. God bless us all - the poor who are poor, the poor who are rich, the rich who are rich, and the rich who are poor. Amen.
Unless there isn't...
Without any direct proof, I suspect a large majority of us live paycheck-to-paycheck. I also suspect that most of us feel poorer at Christmas than at any other time. When you live paycheck-to-paycheck, a Wish list is your nightmare and a credit card's dream, and if you're not lucky enough to have good credit, it's simply a list of Things-I-Don't-Have-Enough-Money-to-Buy (which really isn't helpful any time of the year). It's all-too-easy to look around and wish you lived in one of those big, beautiful houses with endless presents under the tree (that are already paid off). And, if you succumb to your looking around, you allow yourself a long ride on the one-way swing from the "Have" to the "Have-Not" tree.
But, wait. If you happen to be poor this Christmas, just barely making it, or one of those who thinks everyone else's Christmas is bigger, more beautiful, more Christmas-y, or more perfect than yours, venture with me to my childhood mind, for just a minute...
I have never lived in a big house by American standards, but have only lived in mansions if you're from any other country on the planet. As a little girl, I remember dreaming about dormer windows and a house with an upstairs. I loved the thought of a big house, and the idea of all of those rooms, although I couldn't figure out (and still can't) what they might all be used for. I have never lived in a house that had a room that wasn't used every day, but, I remember driving by big, beautiful houses, and wondering "What is going on in there?" and thinking, "It must be wonderful, whatever it is."
However, I've grown up, and have spent some time considering what it is that drew me to those big, beautiful houses. And, I've discovered it! I always assumed there was more love in a big house. I imagined something delicious baking in the oven, and someone who took the time to make it. I imagined a group of people around a table, smiling and laughing (Ironically, all in one room). I imagined the thoughts, the words, the interactions, the food, and everything in between, to be beautiful and full of love.
Pope John Paul II quoted Dostoevsky when he wrote, "Beauty will save the world." I think I have learned why beauty is so powerful. It is because someone cares enough to make an effort. Beauty is the product of Love. Whether it is the flowers that someone cares enough to water, the cookies someone cares enough to bake, or the decorations that someone cares enough to hang; the love and the someone behind it is where the real attraction is.
I can still appreciate looking at a big, beautiful house, but I would no longer trade it for my own. I now know that the someone(s) inside are the real source of my interest. Scraping by or filthy rich, little house or big house, I have someone. Many, in fact. And if I continue with my suspicions, I suspect you do, too. Celebrate with me, if you have even one person who loves you. And read this poem any time the world tricks you into thinking you are poor. Especially if you are living paycheck-to-paycheck in a little house at Christmastime...
If all the world were mine to plunder
I'd be content with just one town,
And in that town, one house alone,
And in that house, one single room,
And in that room, one cot only,
For there, asleep, is the one I love.
-Ancient Sanskrit Poem
Dear God the Father, Thank you for sending Baby Jesus in His humanity. Thank you, Mary, for saying "Yes". Thank you, Joseph, for stepping in and stepping up. Thank you, Jesus, for being born in a stable. Not in a mansion. Not in your own little house. Not even a room in the inn. Thank you for showing us that "love grows best in little houses". Strengthen us as we guard our eyes, that we may not look away from the blessings in our life for any reason, least of all to look longingly at ways you've blessed another. Please give us the grace to be that someone who strives to make the effort to love, and add beauty to the lives of those around us. Thank you for those who do this continually, and for their example. Please be with those who don't have even one by whom they know they are loved. Let them be known and sought after. Thank you for the wealth you've given us in those we love. You know we would not trade them for any amount of money. God bless us all - the poor who are poor, the poor who are rich, the rich who are rich, and the rich who are poor. Amen.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Running Away From Home
I have an incredible friend who offered to keep my boys for five days. (No, I will not email you her contact information :)). Today is Day 3. I talked to them last night and 2/3 wanted to come home. This morning I texted with a friend who I am planning to sit with during her chemo treatment this afternoon. She is the mother of ten. Incredibly beautiful, holy, and wise. When I told her that I would be there unless I had to pick up my kiddos, she said, "I never talk to my kids when they are away in the evening. Things always look brighter in the morning." Lesson learned.
Anyway, the past two days have been incredibly quiet, extremely productive, very relaxing, and awesome, in general. However, considering my time may end shortly, I've been thinking about what I enjoy most about being "free".
*I like waking up early and not having to be quiet, for fear of waking someone up.
*I like choosing what to do next. Filling up the hours of the day is fun, when you're not dragging a string of little people behind you.
*I like being able to run away from home. Somewhere other than on my street, because I don't want to be out of earshot when my kids are home.
*I like eating lunch out of town, just because I can.
In a word, I like the ability to "Go". I never feel more free than when I'm heading out to cover some great distance. Over the years (and prior to children), this has been on horseback, on foot, in a canoe, on a bicycle, or in a car. On horseback, I competed in endurance riding. Riding 25, 50, or 100 miles in a day. My first experience with the sport was driving a truck and trailer for a lady (in a group) who did this across the Pony Express trail. We were gone for two months, and they rode 2,000 miles. Prior to that, I biked across Kansas the long way (which is about 400 miles), with a guy who pushed his way in a wheelchair. After kids, almost every summer, my husband and I drive a long way, to hike a long way, in some part this incredible country.
One day, I'd like to walk across England (an article in a magazine that gave me that idea), the Appalachian trail, or the Continental Divide.
I've never really thought about why these things appeal to me so much, but if I had to guess, it would probably be because I like to feel free. I find God most easily in the quiet and in His Creation. And when I spend a prolonged period of time in the quiet and in Creation, I find Him most profoundly. There is also something planted deep within me that tells me I am made for a journey. And when I perceive with all of my senses that I am covering distance with my Creator, that something rings true.
We were not created to lead drab, narrow, or constricted lives, but to live in the wide-open spaces. We find confinement unbearable, simply because we were created in the image of God, and we have within us an unquenchable need for the absolute and the infinite.
Interior Freedom, Jacques Phillipe
However, as much as these first thoughts are noble and true, there is also part of it that rewards my selfishness - the shedding of responsibility. The escape. Which just goes to prove that all godly things don't have to feel bad. They can be good for God, and me. And they usually are. But, it doesn't really put life (especially a very blessed one like mine) in a very nice light - to talk about it as something that needs to be escaped from. It is not a prison, or a plantation before the Civil War.
Monotony, stress, exhaustion, etc... are only some of the accidental effects of any given vocation. What you need to get hold of, and examine, and pray about, and give thanks to God for, and not allow to go to waste is the substance. It is the vocation itself about which you must be sure: when you have got the cause right...You will begin to see a pattern about your life. It will not be a muddle of dreary duties that are mercifully interrupted every now and then by pleasures: it will be a related whole; it will have unity.
The greatest pleasures in life are not those that are superimposed - any more than they are those that represent escapes. The greatest and most lasting pleasures are those that emerge out of life itself. They are these that come in virtue of the vocation, not in spite of it. The taste of the fruit is not the sugar you put on it...As a rule, it is not that the fruit is bitter, but that we have a wrong idea of sweetness.
Holiness for Housewives (and other working women), Dom Hubert Van Zeller
*Note: A vocation is a strong inclination to follow a particular course of action; a divine call to God's service or to the Christian life.
Back to unity and reality...I have three kids who have zero interest in riding their bikes beyond the park that's only two blocks away. So, how do I create unity between these critical parts of who I am to them and what I want/need for me?
For now, I will work it out in little ways. Take the dog to Lick Creek park and "disappear" for a couple of hours. Go swimming at the local pool until I can't pause long enough on the end to catch my breath. Drive an hour to the National Forest and hike until I'm ready to stop. Canoe the Brazos. And of course, continually take my kids with me, as far as they're willing and able to go.
Which reminds me - I am at home. Alone. And the day is stretched out before me. Catch you later.
Dear Heavenly Father and Author of All That is Good,
Thank you for time to reflect on all of the good things You have given. Thank you for the phone call while I was writing this that said "All is well. Everyone wants to stay." Thank you for being available to me every second, of every minute of my lifetime. Thank you for the wisdom of mothers who have raised ten children or any one child, well. Thank you for a husband who I love to soak up the time with. Thank you for the beauty and wonder of Your Creation, and the way it draws us to You. Thank you for all of the opportunities in my life to set out on a journey. Thank you for the journey I'm on now, and for those to come. Please forgive my selfishness and help me always to recognize the substance of the work You have blessed me with. Please bless all parents! Especially those who are at home with little ones, who take two naps a day. Please bless those on the other end of life who are dying from loneliness - The ones who would give anything to spend a day with a child. Especially, Ms. Eva. Thank you for this day, and all days. Thank you for a home to be comfortable in. A home that I'm happy to leave and even happier to come home to. I love You. Amen.
Anyway, the past two days have been incredibly quiet, extremely productive, very relaxing, and awesome, in general. However, considering my time may end shortly, I've been thinking about what I enjoy most about being "free".
*I like waking up early and not having to be quiet, for fear of waking someone up.
*I like choosing what to do next. Filling up the hours of the day is fun, when you're not dragging a string of little people behind you.
*I like being able to run away from home. Somewhere other than on my street, because I don't want to be out of earshot when my kids are home.
*I like eating lunch out of town, just because I can.
In a word, I like the ability to "Go". I never feel more free than when I'm heading out to cover some great distance. Over the years (and prior to children), this has been on horseback, on foot, in a canoe, on a bicycle, or in a car. On horseback, I competed in endurance riding. Riding 25, 50, or 100 miles in a day. My first experience with the sport was driving a truck and trailer for a lady (in a group) who did this across the Pony Express trail. We were gone for two months, and they rode 2,000 miles. Prior to that, I biked across Kansas the long way (which is about 400 miles), with a guy who pushed his way in a wheelchair. After kids, almost every summer, my husband and I drive a long way, to hike a long way, in some part this incredible country.
One day, I'd like to walk across England (an article in a magazine that gave me that idea), the Appalachian trail, or the Continental Divide.
I've never really thought about why these things appeal to me so much, but if I had to guess, it would probably be because I like to feel free. I find God most easily in the quiet and in His Creation. And when I spend a prolonged period of time in the quiet and in Creation, I find Him most profoundly. There is also something planted deep within me that tells me I am made for a journey. And when I perceive with all of my senses that I am covering distance with my Creator, that something rings true.
We were not created to lead drab, narrow, or constricted lives, but to live in the wide-open spaces. We find confinement unbearable, simply because we were created in the image of God, and we have within us an unquenchable need for the absolute and the infinite.
Interior Freedom, Jacques Phillipe
However, as much as these first thoughts are noble and true, there is also part of it that rewards my selfishness - the shedding of responsibility. The escape. Which just goes to prove that all godly things don't have to feel bad. They can be good for God, and me. And they usually are. But, it doesn't really put life (especially a very blessed one like mine) in a very nice light - to talk about it as something that needs to be escaped from. It is not a prison, or a plantation before the Civil War.
Monotony, stress, exhaustion, etc... are only some of the accidental effects of any given vocation. What you need to get hold of, and examine, and pray about, and give thanks to God for, and not allow to go to waste is the substance. It is the vocation itself about which you must be sure: when you have got the cause right...You will begin to see a pattern about your life. It will not be a muddle of dreary duties that are mercifully interrupted every now and then by pleasures: it will be a related whole; it will have unity.
The greatest pleasures in life are not those that are superimposed - any more than they are those that represent escapes. The greatest and most lasting pleasures are those that emerge out of life itself. They are these that come in virtue of the vocation, not in spite of it. The taste of the fruit is not the sugar you put on it...As a rule, it is not that the fruit is bitter, but that we have a wrong idea of sweetness.
Holiness for Housewives (and other working women), Dom Hubert Van Zeller
*Note: A vocation is a strong inclination to follow a particular course of action; a divine call to God's service or to the Christian life.
Back to unity and reality...I have three kids who have zero interest in riding their bikes beyond the park that's only two blocks away. So, how do I create unity between these critical parts of who I am to them and what I want/need for me?
For now, I will work it out in little ways. Take the dog to Lick Creek park and "disappear" for a couple of hours. Go swimming at the local pool until I can't pause long enough on the end to catch my breath. Drive an hour to the National Forest and hike until I'm ready to stop. Canoe the Brazos. And of course, continually take my kids with me, as far as they're willing and able to go.
Which reminds me - I am at home. Alone. And the day is stretched out before me. Catch you later.
Dear Heavenly Father and Author of All That is Good,
Thank you for time to reflect on all of the good things You have given. Thank you for the phone call while I was writing this that said "All is well. Everyone wants to stay." Thank you for being available to me every second, of every minute of my lifetime. Thank you for the wisdom of mothers who have raised ten children or any one child, well. Thank you for a husband who I love to soak up the time with. Thank you for the beauty and wonder of Your Creation, and the way it draws us to You. Thank you for all of the opportunities in my life to set out on a journey. Thank you for the journey I'm on now, and for those to come. Please forgive my selfishness and help me always to recognize the substance of the work You have blessed me with. Please bless all parents! Especially those who are at home with little ones, who take two naps a day. Please bless those on the other end of life who are dying from loneliness - The ones who would give anything to spend a day with a child. Especially, Ms. Eva. Thank you for this day, and all days. Thank you for a home to be comfortable in. A home that I'm happy to leave and even happier to come home to. I love You. Amen.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Living In the Kitchen
My niece moved here a few weeks ago. She sleeps at my mother-in-law's house (2 doors down), but spends a lot of her time here. She's learning what life looks like at the Dixon residence. As she walked in last night, she said, "Every time I come over here, you are standing in the kitchen." I agreed, and we sat down to dinner. After dinner, I was back in the kitchen, and she asked on her way out, "Is your life fulfilling?"
I said "Yes" (after making a mental note of the magnitude of this question, and the cynicism dripping from her voice), rattled off something about how important it is, and then toyed with her question through the night and most of today.
Do I find my life to be fulfilling?
What is fulfilling about "living" in the kitchen? Preparing and cleaning up after meals three times a day, 341 (365 -24 if you eat out twice a month) days of the year. 1023 times if you're really into Math...There are definitely other areas of my life that don't involve the kitchen, but it really is the biggest part of what I do. Biggest in terms of time, and biggest in terms of mental energy!
Some people might find it fulfilling because they're really good at it, or maybe it is a form of artistic expression for them. Others may love it, simply because they love food.
Three strikes, here. I don't find "living" in the kitchen to be fulfilling for any of these reasons.
As time has passed, I have come to realize it is necessary for people to eat. It is one of the few legitimate activities we engage in, as human beings. If left to my own devices, I would graze throughout the day (almonds, cheese, apples, etc...), and quite possibly, never so much as warm something up. Needless to say, I LOVE eating out because it takes me out of the whole eating process!! One of God's greatest gifts, really. I digress...
Back to finding fulfillment in the very-necessary, food preparation responsibilities that come with being a wife and mother:
I think the highest calling in this life (and therefore, the most fulfilling) is to love our neighbor for love of God. The people God has entrusted to me are my most important neighbors. When I cook and clean for them, or whatever else I do to meet/ exceed their needs, I am engaged in the most important activity on the face of the earth. Further proof that these actions are approved by God, is that they demand humility! Most often, the only reward I receive for my efforts (besides generous praise and gratitude from my husband) are words of disapproval regarding the menu, or complaints about how long it took to put it on the table.
There are so many things we can do in this life. Many look fulfilling, but are not. And just as many look unfulfilling, but are.
So, yes, my life is fulfilling. But, that does not mean it is always comfortable or without its doubts.
Just today, I had to have an "affirmation" lunch with my husband because I'm back to feeling like I can't please anyone for very long, which always makes me think I must be doing something wrong. However, he assured me that the fruits of my labor are to come. In the future. The very distant future. At the end of our meal, he handed me a fortune cookie, and jokingly said, "Maybe your answer is in here." It read, "Ships are safe in the harbor, but that's not what they are built for."
My I-can-relate-anything-to-anything interpretation of that was "We can't use comfort as a sign that we are doing what we were made to do". A ship isn't battered by waves until it is doing its job. Just because I lack the comfort of being surrounded by people who are happy and grateful all the time, doesn't mean I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I am. Therefore, I am fulfilled. Fulfillment is only possible when you know you are "the-best-version-of-yourself" and doing what you were made to do.
Yes, my life is fulfilling. And, I am tremendously grateful to my niece for asking the question to begin with.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for Dallas and her question. Thank you for having such confidence in me that you continue to place people in my life to love and serve. Please forgive me when I stop communicating the joy that always comes with doing Your will. Thank you for my husband, his words of encouragement, and his belief in me. Thank for a kitchen to work in, and a home to welcome and love those You send. Please remain with me and all of those who struggle with their vocation, especially when it appears to be of little value to the world! Thank you for pithy little statements in the middle of a cookie. Thank you for all. I love You. Amen.
I said "Yes" (after making a mental note of the magnitude of this question, and the cynicism dripping from her voice), rattled off something about how important it is, and then toyed with her question through the night and most of today.
Do I find my life to be fulfilling?
What is fulfilling about "living" in the kitchen? Preparing and cleaning up after meals three times a day, 341 (365 -24 if you eat out twice a month) days of the year. 1023 times if you're really into Math...There are definitely other areas of my life that don't involve the kitchen, but it really is the biggest part of what I do. Biggest in terms of time, and biggest in terms of mental energy!
Some people might find it fulfilling because they're really good at it, or maybe it is a form of artistic expression for them. Others may love it, simply because they love food.
Three strikes, here. I don't find "living" in the kitchen to be fulfilling for any of these reasons.
As time has passed, I have come to realize it is necessary for people to eat. It is one of the few legitimate activities we engage in, as human beings. If left to my own devices, I would graze throughout the day (almonds, cheese, apples, etc...), and quite possibly, never so much as warm something up. Needless to say, I LOVE eating out because it takes me out of the whole eating process!! One of God's greatest gifts, really. I digress...
Back to finding fulfillment in the very-necessary, food preparation responsibilities that come with being a wife and mother:
I think the highest calling in this life (and therefore, the most fulfilling) is to love our neighbor for love of God. The people God has entrusted to me are my most important neighbors. When I cook and clean for them, or whatever else I do to meet/ exceed their needs, I am engaged in the most important activity on the face of the earth. Further proof that these actions are approved by God, is that they demand humility! Most often, the only reward I receive for my efforts (besides generous praise and gratitude from my husband) are words of disapproval regarding the menu, or complaints about how long it took to put it on the table.
There are so many things we can do in this life. Many look fulfilling, but are not. And just as many look unfulfilling, but are.
So, yes, my life is fulfilling. But, that does not mean it is always comfortable or without its doubts.
Just today, I had to have an "affirmation" lunch with my husband because I'm back to feeling like I can't please anyone for very long, which always makes me think I must be doing something wrong. However, he assured me that the fruits of my labor are to come. In the future. The very distant future. At the end of our meal, he handed me a fortune cookie, and jokingly said, "Maybe your answer is in here." It read, "Ships are safe in the harbor, but that's not what they are built for."
My I-can-relate-anything-to-anything interpretation of that was "We can't use comfort as a sign that we are doing what we were made to do". A ship isn't battered by waves until it is doing its job. Just because I lack the comfort of being surrounded by people who are happy and grateful all the time, doesn't mean I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I am. Therefore, I am fulfilled. Fulfillment is only possible when you know you are "the-best-version-of-yourself" and doing what you were made to do.
Yes, my life is fulfilling. And, I am tremendously grateful to my niece for asking the question to begin with.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for Dallas and her question. Thank you for having such confidence in me that you continue to place people in my life to love and serve. Please forgive me when I stop communicating the joy that always comes with doing Your will. Thank you for my husband, his words of encouragement, and his belief in me. Thank for a kitchen to work in, and a home to welcome and love those You send. Please remain with me and all of those who struggle with their vocation, especially when it appears to be of little value to the world! Thank you for pithy little statements in the middle of a cookie. Thank you for all. I love You. Amen.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
My 35th Birthday
Today is my birthday. 35 years old. I still feel like a pup. For me, birthdays are like New Year's. A great place for looking back over the year's blessings, and another great starting place for improving some aspect of my life. It's easier to keep track of progress. I'm giving up soda today - trying to decrease my sugar consumption. I've been hearing (again) about how bad it is for your health. It's one of the most obvious places for improvement, so I'm going with it. I'm trying to increase my body's health, but decrease in other ways, so the Lord may increase in me.
The year's highlights include my first silent retreat and joining Regnum Christi, officially. I have really learned the value of examination of conscience and it helps me live each day with greater focus. I also had the joy of facilitating a couple of classes at Church and sharing the stuff of life with many beautiful women in the process. Another thing that jumps out at me is consecrating myself to the Blessed Mother in May. I haven't done anything differently because of that, but I feel good about putting myself in her hands. I understand that I will remain there unless I make a conscious choice to remove myself, which I have no plans to do. A couple of trips to Minnesota and the beach have been great, too. I love going places and it really doesn't matter where.
This was also the year for the beginning of this little "ministry" - my blog. A Soul Laid Bare. It seems to be helpful and encourage a small few. Maybe 20-25 people on a regular basis. My success is not mine to judge. I know only God can make it fruitful.
The day has been beautiful! A fruit plate for breakfast from my oldest, a chapel lamp lit (I still don't know who did that!), a Mass said, prayers offered in front of the Blessed Sacrament, cookie dough scented hand sanitizer from the neighbor boy, early morning phone calls from the fam, Facebook wishes out the wazoo (Thank you!), and a few birthday packages besides.
As I was writing, someone just knocked on the door - It was my neighbor, Ms. Hannah. She gave me a kente from Ghana (she bought it for me when she visited her homeland last summer!) and a wooden elephant. Amazing, since we usually just smile and wave across the street to one another. What a great surprise!!!
We'll eat dinner at home tonight and go out for Spoons later. Life is good. It seems like God is blessing me every time I turn around.
Overall, I am learning more and more that I am a small, but important piece of God's plan. Thomas Merton sums it up well in his prologue of No Man Is An Island:
Only when we see ourselves in our true human context, as members of "one body" we will begin to understand the positive importance not only of the successes but of the failures and accidents in our lives. My successes are not my own. The way to them was prepared by others. The fruit of my labors is not my own: for I am preparing the way for the achievements of another. Nor are my failures my own. They may spring from the failure of another, but they are also compensated for by another's achievement. Therefore, the meaning of my life is not to be looked for merely in the sum total of my own achievements...It is seen, above all, in my integration in the mystery of Christ...No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.
Dear God, Thank you for my life! Thank you for my parents who cooperated with you to bring me into existence. Thank you for blessing me beyond all imagination. Help me to be the woman, wife, mother, and friend that makes You happy and does Your will, no matter what. I am overflowing with gratitude and love. Amen.
The year's highlights include my first silent retreat and joining Regnum Christi, officially. I have really learned the value of examination of conscience and it helps me live each day with greater focus. I also had the joy of facilitating a couple of classes at Church and sharing the stuff of life with many beautiful women in the process. Another thing that jumps out at me is consecrating myself to the Blessed Mother in May. I haven't done anything differently because of that, but I feel good about putting myself in her hands. I understand that I will remain there unless I make a conscious choice to remove myself, which I have no plans to do. A couple of trips to Minnesota and the beach have been great, too. I love going places and it really doesn't matter where.
This was also the year for the beginning of this little "ministry" - my blog. A Soul Laid Bare. It seems to be helpful and encourage a small few. Maybe 20-25 people on a regular basis. My success is not mine to judge. I know only God can make it fruitful.
The day has been beautiful! A fruit plate for breakfast from my oldest, a chapel lamp lit (I still don't know who did that!), a Mass said, prayers offered in front of the Blessed Sacrament, cookie dough scented hand sanitizer from the neighbor boy, early morning phone calls from the fam, Facebook wishes out the wazoo (Thank you!), and a few birthday packages besides.
As I was writing, someone just knocked on the door - It was my neighbor, Ms. Hannah. She gave me a kente from Ghana (she bought it for me when she visited her homeland last summer!) and a wooden elephant. Amazing, since we usually just smile and wave across the street to one another. What a great surprise!!!
We'll eat dinner at home tonight and go out for Spoons later. Life is good. It seems like God is blessing me every time I turn around.
Overall, I am learning more and more that I am a small, but important piece of God's plan. Thomas Merton sums it up well in his prologue of No Man Is An Island:
Only when we see ourselves in our true human context, as members of "one body" we will begin to understand the positive importance not only of the successes but of the failures and accidents in our lives. My successes are not my own. The way to them was prepared by others. The fruit of my labors is not my own: for I am preparing the way for the achievements of another. Nor are my failures my own. They may spring from the failure of another, but they are also compensated for by another's achievement. Therefore, the meaning of my life is not to be looked for merely in the sum total of my own achievements...It is seen, above all, in my integration in the mystery of Christ...No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.
Dear God, Thank you for my life! Thank you for my parents who cooperated with you to bring me into existence. Thank you for blessing me beyond all imagination. Help me to be the woman, wife, mother, and friend that makes You happy and does Your will, no matter what. I am overflowing with gratitude and love. Amen.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
It Doesn't Matter Where You Sit
July 2, 2012 ~
We're on our way back to Kansas after sleeping over in Des Moines last night. I'm just thinking about life and the common threads that run through it. After driving through countless small towns and some big cities, too, the mystery that distance can create has dissipated. After seeing a lot of people porch-sitting and walking to the post office, it is so obvious that time progresses the same for all of us. It is true that some of us rush through our days, and some move in sync with the slow tick of a grandfather clock. It is also true that some work, some garden, some snowmobile, and some stay home, but we all get up and eat, and go to bed, and fill in the time in between.
It's like we are all stranded on an island called earth and doing what we can to live well. For many, that means avoiding work or boredom or commitment - anything to preserve the powerful, but false perception of freedom. Others, plunge themselves into the service of humanity. And yet others, spend their entire lives trying to learn more about and love the One responsible for landing them on the island in the first place.
For these, it makes no difference whether they are riding shotgun in a minivan, sitting in a kayak on a great lake, on a tractor seat in a field of crops, or on the swing of their front porch. It's all the same to them, for time and place are insignificant - every one offers the same opportunity to meet their God in the present moment.
It is so easy to live under the subconcious umbrella that "real life is elsewhere." Not so. Not so. Real life is always in the present, and fortunately for us, we cannot live anywhere else.
We're on our way back to Kansas after sleeping over in Des Moines last night. I'm just thinking about life and the common threads that run through it. After driving through countless small towns and some big cities, too, the mystery that distance can create has dissipated. After seeing a lot of people porch-sitting and walking to the post office, it is so obvious that time progresses the same for all of us. It is true that some of us rush through our days, and some move in sync with the slow tick of a grandfather clock. It is also true that some work, some garden, some snowmobile, and some stay home, but we all get up and eat, and go to bed, and fill in the time in between.
It's like we are all stranded on an island called earth and doing what we can to live well. For many, that means avoiding work or boredom or commitment - anything to preserve the powerful, but false perception of freedom. Others, plunge themselves into the service of humanity. And yet others, spend their entire lives trying to learn more about and love the One responsible for landing them on the island in the first place.
For these, it makes no difference whether they are riding shotgun in a minivan, sitting in a kayak on a great lake, on a tractor seat in a field of crops, or on the swing of their front porch. It's all the same to them, for time and place are insignificant - every one offers the same opportunity to meet their God in the present moment.
It is so easy to live under the subconcious umbrella that "real life is elsewhere." Not so. Not so. Real life is always in the present, and fortunately for us, we cannot live anywhere else.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Unencumbered
A couple of days ago, I was at the pool with my family. It was a little bit overcast and the pool was as empty as I've seen it, yet. But, I saw two people - a man and a boy who made an impact on me.
On one of the little snack breaks I was taking with my three year-old, we noticed a little boy standing outside the fence. Not watching the swimmers with envy, but performing for an unseen audience. He was holding a kid-sized electric guitar and proceeded to move his hands up and down the neck, spin around, and even "play" it behind his head. So, I watched him play, and play, and occasionally pause to smack a mosquito or brush off an ant. After a while, I thought he would be pleased if someone actually seemed to notice what he was expending so much energy to do, so I approached him at the fence and told him I'd love to hear him play something.
He repeated his performance, with great gusto, without ever producing a sound from his guitar. I told him he was very good and I learned in short time that he's going into the 4th grade, is going to be in a TX band one day (but far away from here), his next guitar, "Axe" is going to cost a million dollars, and he is going to play "A Slow Ride" on it. I believe him.
The man, I noticed for a different reason. He was lifted into the pool from his wheelchair. He was probably in his 20's and was there with his parents and a couple of brothers (from what I could tell). I had never seen someone enter the water from an electric wheelchair before, and I was eager to see who was going to be the one to carry him around or if they would take turns, and how it would go. What unfolded was astoundingly beautiful to me. He was totally independent in the water. He was able to move around and support his own weight. He didn't need anybody. This took my breath away and I couldn't stop watching him.
I wondered what the vast difference between being confined to a wheelchair and the weightlessness of being in the water felt like to him. We left before they did, but I wondered if he wished his family would just leave him there. I wondered if he pines for "water time".
As I reflect on the contrast and similarities between the two lives I was briefly privy to that day, I feel joy. I feel like there are times in our lives when we are totally unencumbered. In these cases, one when he has a guitar in hand, the other when he's in the water and wheelchair-free.
We all have people and things and circumstances that bring out the best in us. It is beautiful that we can do that for each other.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the gift of swimming pools during a Texas summer. Thank you for the glimpses we get into other people's lives, that make us better people. Thank you for times in our lives when we are pleasantly surprised! Thank you for the opportunities to plant and harvest seeds of grace and joy. Thank you for "unencumbered" moments. Help us to live in such a way that other people are enriched, if they pause for a moment and take us in. Help us to love You and everyone You put into our lives, more! Amen.
On one of the little snack breaks I was taking with my three year-old, we noticed a little boy standing outside the fence. Not watching the swimmers with envy, but performing for an unseen audience. He was holding a kid-sized electric guitar and proceeded to move his hands up and down the neck, spin around, and even "play" it behind his head. So, I watched him play, and play, and occasionally pause to smack a mosquito or brush off an ant. After a while, I thought he would be pleased if someone actually seemed to notice what he was expending so much energy to do, so I approached him at the fence and told him I'd love to hear him play something.
He repeated his performance, with great gusto, without ever producing a sound from his guitar. I told him he was very good and I learned in short time that he's going into the 4th grade, is going to be in a TX band one day (but far away from here), his next guitar, "Axe" is going to cost a million dollars, and he is going to play "A Slow Ride" on it. I believe him.
The man, I noticed for a different reason. He was lifted into the pool from his wheelchair. He was probably in his 20's and was there with his parents and a couple of brothers (from what I could tell). I had never seen someone enter the water from an electric wheelchair before, and I was eager to see who was going to be the one to carry him around or if they would take turns, and how it would go. What unfolded was astoundingly beautiful to me. He was totally independent in the water. He was able to move around and support his own weight. He didn't need anybody. This took my breath away and I couldn't stop watching him.
I wondered what the vast difference between being confined to a wheelchair and the weightlessness of being in the water felt like to him. We left before they did, but I wondered if he wished his family would just leave him there. I wondered if he pines for "water time".
As I reflect on the contrast and similarities between the two lives I was briefly privy to that day, I feel joy. I feel like there are times in our lives when we are totally unencumbered. In these cases, one when he has a guitar in hand, the other when he's in the water and wheelchair-free.
We all have people and things and circumstances that bring out the best in us. It is beautiful that we can do that for each other.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the gift of swimming pools during a Texas summer. Thank you for the glimpses we get into other people's lives, that make us better people. Thank you for times in our lives when we are pleasantly surprised! Thank you for the opportunities to plant and harvest seeds of grace and joy. Thank you for "unencumbered" moments. Help us to live in such a way that other people are enriched, if they pause for a moment and take us in. Help us to love You and everyone You put into our lives, more! Amen.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
I Don't Want to Be an Olympian
My husband and I have been swimming to keep in shape this summer. My goal at the beginning of the summer was to swim for 30 minutes (while stopping on the ends long enough to catch my breath). Now, my goal is to swim a mile (which will probably take me about an hour), as my husband has done many times already. A couple of days ago, I finished Lap 28 and was set to finish out the mile with 7 more, but a little boy threw up in the pool and everybody had to get out. Maybe later this week...
Anyway, my husband told me one day, "If you want a model for fitness to follow, you should google Dara Torres." I say, "Who's that?" (I'm not exactly up-to-speed on what's going on in the world) He proceeds to tell me she is in her 40s, a Mom who has won many Olympic medals, and is still training for the Olympics. Any woman my husband points out to me as someone to be emulated, I'm interested.
So, I googled her and found an incredibly beautiful woman with abs that are unlike anything I've ever seen in real life. Ok, so I know why my husband found her worth mentioning, but I'm more interested in what's happening on the inside. So, I read a brief bio on Wikipedia, which showed a couple of short-lived marriages, a conversion to Judaism, and a child conceived with her reproductive endocrinologist, whom she dated.
I began to ponder what aspect of her life, if any, I would like to incorporate into my own. I will be married for 10 years in November. I get to stay home and raise my kids and swim whenever I want - for fun. I quickly decided that I was happy with my life the way it was.
Then, I started to think about trying to be a Mom and the best in the world, at anything. I can't imagine it. How can you give your life to your kid(s) when all of your mental, physical, and emotional resources are poured into making yourself better, faster, etc...? I'm not sure how you can give your kids what they need, unless they're getting what they need from someone else.
I'm not trying to take anything away from Ms. Torres; she could very possibly have it figured out. After all, you can't become an Olympian without thinking things through and paying incredible attention to detail. I just know for myself, that simply reading a book can be difficult when you're a Mom.
The bottom line is that I want to be the one meeting the needs of my kids. By God's grace and my husband's good job, I am in a position to do that. I am thankful to live a life of obscurity with as much discipline as is necessary to lead a well-balanced life. I am thankful that I am me, that I can swim, and that my life is filled with people that I love. That is enough for me.
Anyway, my husband told me one day, "If you want a model for fitness to follow, you should google Dara Torres." I say, "Who's that?" (I'm not exactly up-to-speed on what's going on in the world) He proceeds to tell me she is in her 40s, a Mom who has won many Olympic medals, and is still training for the Olympics. Any woman my husband points out to me as someone to be emulated, I'm interested.
So, I googled her and found an incredibly beautiful woman with abs that are unlike anything I've ever seen in real life. Ok, so I know why my husband found her worth mentioning, but I'm more interested in what's happening on the inside. So, I read a brief bio on Wikipedia, which showed a couple of short-lived marriages, a conversion to Judaism, and a child conceived with her reproductive endocrinologist, whom she dated.
I began to ponder what aspect of her life, if any, I would like to incorporate into my own. I will be married for 10 years in November. I get to stay home and raise my kids and swim whenever I want - for fun. I quickly decided that I was happy with my life the way it was.
Then, I started to think about trying to be a Mom and the best in the world, at anything. I can't imagine it. How can you give your life to your kid(s) when all of your mental, physical, and emotional resources are poured into making yourself better, faster, etc...? I'm not sure how you can give your kids what they need, unless they're getting what they need from someone else.
I'm not trying to take anything away from Ms. Torres; she could very possibly have it figured out. After all, you can't become an Olympian without thinking things through and paying incredible attention to detail. I just know for myself, that simply reading a book can be difficult when you're a Mom.
The bottom line is that I want to be the one meeting the needs of my kids. By God's grace and my husband's good job, I am in a position to do that. I am thankful to live a life of obscurity with as much discipline as is necessary to lead a well-balanced life. I am thankful that I am me, that I can swim, and that my life is filled with people that I love. That is enough for me.
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