My niece moved here a few weeks ago. She sleeps at my mother-in-law's house (2 doors down), but spends a lot of her time here. She's learning what life looks like at the Dixon residence. As she walked in last night, she said, "Every time I come over here, you are standing in the kitchen." I agreed, and we sat down to dinner. After dinner, I was back in the kitchen, and she asked on her way out, "Is your life fulfilling?"
I said "Yes" (after making a mental note of the magnitude of this question, and the cynicism dripping from her voice), rattled off something about how important it is, and then toyed with her question through the night and most of today.
Do I find my life to be fulfilling?
What is fulfilling about "living" in the kitchen? Preparing and cleaning up after meals three times a day, 341 (365 -24 if you eat out twice a month) days of the year. 1023 times if you're really into Math...There are definitely other areas of my life that don't involve the kitchen, but it really is the biggest part of what I do. Biggest in terms of time, and biggest in terms of mental energy!
Some people might find it fulfilling because they're really good at it, or maybe it is a form of artistic expression for them. Others may love it, simply because they love food.
Three strikes, here. I don't find "living" in the kitchen to be fulfilling for any of these reasons.
As time has passed, I have come to realize it is necessary for people to eat. It is one of the few legitimate activities we engage in, as human beings. If left to my own devices, I would graze throughout the day (almonds, cheese, apples, etc...), and quite possibly, never so much as warm something up. Needless to say, I LOVE eating out because it takes me out of the whole eating process!! One of God's greatest gifts, really. I digress...
Back to finding fulfillment in the very-necessary, food preparation responsibilities that come with being a wife and mother:
I think the highest calling in this life (and therefore, the most fulfilling) is to love our neighbor for love of God. The people God has entrusted to me are my most important neighbors. When I cook and clean for them, or whatever else I do to meet/ exceed their needs, I am engaged in the most important activity on the face of the earth. Further proof that these actions are approved by God, is that they demand humility! Most often, the only reward I receive for my efforts (besides generous praise and gratitude from my husband) are words of disapproval regarding the menu, or complaints about how long it took to put it on the table.
There are so many things we can do in this life. Many look fulfilling, but are not. And just as many look unfulfilling, but are.
So, yes, my life is fulfilling. But, that does not mean it is always comfortable or without its doubts.
Just today, I had to have an "affirmation" lunch with my husband because I'm back to feeling like I can't please anyone for very long, which always makes me think I must be doing something wrong. However, he assured me that the fruits of my labor are to come. In the future. The very distant future. At the end of our meal, he handed me a fortune cookie, and jokingly said, "Maybe your answer is in here." It read, "Ships are safe in the harbor, but that's not what they are built for."
My I-can-relate-anything-to-anything interpretation of that was "We can't use comfort as a sign that we are doing what we were made to do". A ship isn't battered by waves until it is doing its job. Just because I lack the comfort of being surrounded by people who are happy and grateful all the time, doesn't mean I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I am. Therefore, I am fulfilled. Fulfillment is only possible when you know you are "the-best-version-of-yourself" and doing what you were made to do.
Yes, my life is fulfilling. And, I am tremendously grateful to my niece for asking the question to begin with.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for Dallas and her question. Thank you for having such confidence in me that you continue to place people in my life to love and serve. Please forgive me when I stop communicating the joy that always comes with doing Your will. Thank you for my husband, his words of encouragement, and his belief in me. Thank for a kitchen to work in, and a home to welcome and love those You send. Please remain with me and all of those who struggle with their vocation, especially when it appears to be of little value to the world! Thank you for pithy little statements in the middle of a cookie. Thank you for all. I love You. Amen.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Fear, Hope, or Love - The Reasons for Every Action Since the Beginning of Time
Fear. Hope. Love.
One of these three things motivate every action of our life. They dictate how we suffer interiorly, and how we treat others. They are often very hidden, but the absence of clamor doesn't nullify their existence or change their power. If anything dictates everything in my life, I want to know about it. I like to know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. If you don't have clarity about what you're doing, it is impossible to act with purity. Purity of intention is acknowledging and removing all selfish intent when performing an action, and doing it for love alone.
To do good to others in the hope that, in turn, our Lord will be good to you is a supernatural motive, even if it is self-centered. To do good to others with the consciousness that Christ asks it of you is less egoistic. To do good to others because you are convinced that Christ will consider it as having been done to Him personally is a sign of pure love of God. To do good to others because you can please God, and you want to give Him the best you can, is perfect love of God.
The Hidden Power of Kindness, Lawrence G. Lovasik
Fr. Lovasik didn't refer to doing good to others to avoid going to hell, but it is a possible motivation nonetheless. In the same way, fear, hope, and love dictate our response to suffering in our lives.
According to Rt. Rev. Dom Lehodey in Holy Abandonment, there are three degrees of conformity to God's will in response to suffering:
In the first degree, we have no desire for suffering; in fact, we avoid it as much as possible. However, we are willing to endure it if it is the only way that we can avoid committing a fault [for fear of condemnation].
In the second degree, we don't wish for suffering, but when it comes, we accept it and endure it willingly because we know that suffering is a part of God's plan for us. We have a love of suffering, but this love is only a consequence of our love for God. [Hope in God's goodness and plan]
In the third degree, which is the most perfect of all, we are not content with just accepting the trials that God may send us and suffering cheerfully out of our love for Him...our love for God is so great that we long for trials and we rejoice when they come to us because we know that they come from the hand of God and are ordained by His adorable will. [Love]
[What is contained in brackets is my interpretation, based on St. Bernard's summation]
According to St. Bernard, beginners as a rule have only resignation derived from fear; proficient bear the cross with a willing heart, a more generous conformity begotten of hope; the perfect embrace the cross with ardor, which complete conformity is the fruit of holy love.
Since we are all looking for happiness, it is good to know that we can have something even greater. That something greater is joy. It transcends happiness because it is not dependent on people or circumstances. "Authentic joy is a deep interior peace and satisfaction that we experience as the fruit of wisdom and understanding." (Endow study guide) It is the result of placing our expectations on Jesus, and not on others. It comes when we do all things with purity of intention - the intention to love our neighbor for love of God. Even, and especially, in our suffering.
In his letter Salvifici Doloris, Pope John Paul II gives us four reasons our suffering can be seen as a reason for joy:
1. It clears the way for the infusion of grace which transforms human souls.
2. In it, there is concealed a particular power that draws a person interiorly close to Christ...
3. ...human sufferings, united to the redemptive suffering of Christ, constitute a special support for the powers of good, and open the way to the victory of these salvific powers.
4. Faith in sharing the suffering of Christ brings with it the interior certainty that the suffering person 'completes what is lacking in Christ's afflictions'; the certainty that in the spiritual dimension of the work of Redemption he is serving, like Christ, the salvation of his brothers and sisters.
So, basically, our suffering (IF we unite it with Christ's suffering by our intention to do so), can serve for our own salvation and that of others.
That is a reason for real joy.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the rain, roofs that don't leak, and bread machines. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for fear to motivate us when our love is not yet perfect. Thank you for hope along the way, and your love to imitate. Please give me the wisdom to know what motivates me. I want to do all things for love of You. Please grant me the grace to act with purity of intention and detachment from all that is not You nor leads me to You. Please give me the joy that comes from understanding your love for me, and your plan to bring good out of everything, especially suffering. Thank you for the opportunity to participate in my own salvation and that of others. Thank you for Pope John Paul II and the continued guidance of your Church since you gave Peter the keys to your Kingdom. Thank you for Pope Francis and for his love. Amen.
Pope John Paul II, pray for us!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
A Swingset, a Slide, and a Lie
Jesus told Sister Faustina, "The greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and worry."
If you need to be encouraged to drop discouragement and worry like a hot rock, consider the following bits of wisdom:
"Don't give in to discouragement...If you are discouraged, it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers. Never bother about people's opinions. Be humble and you will never be disturbed. It is very difficult in practice because we all want to see the result of our work. Leave it to Jesus." ~Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta
"Wherever there is discouragement and despair, we are sure to discover a deficiency of faith in God and a failure in patience and humility." ~Endow study guide
"All the reasons that cause us to lose our sense of peace are bad reasons." ~Jacques Phillipe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace
"If we are discouraged or have lost our peace, "We don't believe that He [God] is capable of utilizing everything for our good and that NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, would He leave us lacking in the essentials - lacking anything that would permit us to love more. To grow or to enrich one's spiritual life is to learn to love. Many of the circumstances that I consider damaging could, in fact, be for me, IF I HAD MORE FAITH, precious opportunities to love more: to be more patient, humble, gentle, merciful, and to abandon myself more into the hands of God." ~Jacques Phillipe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace
Today's Gospel reading (John 20:11-18) was about Mary Magdalene weeping at the tomb, after Jesus had risen. The angels and the Lord himself, asked her, "'Woman, why are you weeping?' She has come to her own fatalistic conclusion about what happened to Christ - 'They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him' - and it is from this pessimism that she must be converted...Something Greater than our sorrow is now at work in the world. It is the reason why, even in our weeping, we bend over and peer into the tomb, full of expectation." ~Magnificat
We are an Easter people. We have the joy of the risen Christ! We cannot allow discouragement and worry to rob us of it. Like Mary Magdalene, we cannot be caught crying outside the empty tomb! We know where our Lord is. No one has taken Him. He has not been laid anywhere. He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty. He is interceding for us, and we must not forget that. Ever.
No matter how dour our circumstances, we must reject the notion that we are justified in our discouragement and worry. We are not! They are simply the fruit of too-little faith. We can understand discouragement and worry best as a swing set, a slide, and a lie. A playground for human weakness, where the Truth is stuck outside the fence.
Dear Risen Christ, Savior, and Redeemer, Thank you for the rain today. Thank you for the empty tomb. Please forgive our temptation to discouragement and worry. Please give us the grace to remember You, Your intercession, and Your power in every circumstance. Please forgive our forgetfulness and lack of gratitude. Thank you for the example of Mary Magdalene - her great love, and her flawed humanity. Thank you for loving us, still. Amen.
If you need to be encouraged to drop discouragement and worry like a hot rock, consider the following bits of wisdom:
"Don't give in to discouragement...If you are discouraged, it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers. Never bother about people's opinions. Be humble and you will never be disturbed. It is very difficult in practice because we all want to see the result of our work. Leave it to Jesus." ~Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta
"Wherever there is discouragement and despair, we are sure to discover a deficiency of faith in God and a failure in patience and humility." ~Endow study guide
"All the reasons that cause us to lose our sense of peace are bad reasons." ~Jacques Phillipe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace
"If we are discouraged or have lost our peace, "We don't believe that He [God] is capable of utilizing everything for our good and that NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, would He leave us lacking in the essentials - lacking anything that would permit us to love more. To grow or to enrich one's spiritual life is to learn to love. Many of the circumstances that I consider damaging could, in fact, be for me, IF I HAD MORE FAITH, precious opportunities to love more: to be more patient, humble, gentle, merciful, and to abandon myself more into the hands of God." ~Jacques Phillipe, Searching For and Maintaining Peace
Today's Gospel reading (John 20:11-18) was about Mary Magdalene weeping at the tomb, after Jesus had risen. The angels and the Lord himself, asked her, "'Woman, why are you weeping?' She has come to her own fatalistic conclusion about what happened to Christ - 'They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him' - and it is from this pessimism that she must be converted...Something Greater than our sorrow is now at work in the world. It is the reason why, even in our weeping, we bend over and peer into the tomb, full of expectation." ~Magnificat
We are an Easter people. We have the joy of the risen Christ! We cannot allow discouragement and worry to rob us of it. Like Mary Magdalene, we cannot be caught crying outside the empty tomb! We know where our Lord is. No one has taken Him. He has not been laid anywhere. He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty. He is interceding for us, and we must not forget that. Ever.
No matter how dour our circumstances, we must reject the notion that we are justified in our discouragement and worry. We are not! They are simply the fruit of too-little faith. We can understand discouragement and worry best as a swing set, a slide, and a lie. A playground for human weakness, where the Truth is stuck outside the fence.
Dear Risen Christ, Savior, and Redeemer, Thank you for the rain today. Thank you for the empty tomb. Please forgive our temptation to discouragement and worry. Please give us the grace to remember You, Your intercession, and Your power in every circumstance. Please forgive our forgetfulness and lack of gratitude. Thank you for the example of Mary Magdalene - her great love, and her flawed humanity. Thank you for loving us, still. Amen.
Friday, March 29, 2013
I'm Like Pontius Pilate
As I have been meditating on the sorrowful mysteries, I am
struck by many things.
Jesus asked only one thing of his disciples during His passion. Stay awake! Stay awake for 1 hour! Ahhhh! We cannot comply even with this simple request. Oh, poor Jesus. Accused or denied at every turn. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Sweet Jesus, please show us how to stay awake for You. If denying the flesh is the only way to make it stronger, please show us those things that have a hold on us, so that our flesh is as willing as our spirit.
The second, I want to scream at Pontius Pilate, “Where is your backbone?!” How can you so easily command that Jesus be scourged and then say you are innocent of His blood?! The reason for my animosity is twofold. #1 - He gives the final word to put Jesus to His death. #2 – I am like him. I want to please people, just like Pontius Pilate. So much so that I would put my Savior to death? I have not seen much in my life to prove otherwise. I have silenced my tongue so as not to offend unbelievers or other Christians, even. I don’t want them to think I am persecuting them. Is this not the same thing? In an effort to “placate the crowd”, Pilate’s vanity put Jesus on the cross. What if Pilate had not been influenced by what the people thought? The people tried to kill Jesus multiple times on their own, yet, they were unsuccessful. God used someone with influence, but who silenced his tongue, to give his power and means to the masses. He acquiesced. Oh, Lord, please take my vanity away from me!!!
Jesus asked only one thing of his disciples during His passion. Stay awake! Stay awake for 1 hour! Ahhhh! We cannot comply even with this simple request. Oh, poor Jesus. Accused or denied at every turn. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Sweet Jesus, please show us how to stay awake for You. If denying the flesh is the only way to make it stronger, please show us those things that have a hold on us, so that our flesh is as willing as our spirit.
The second, I want to scream at Pontius Pilate, “Where is your backbone?!” How can you so easily command that Jesus be scourged and then say you are innocent of His blood?! The reason for my animosity is twofold. #1 - He gives the final word to put Jesus to His death. #2 – I am like him. I want to please people, just like Pontius Pilate. So much so that I would put my Savior to death? I have not seen much in my life to prove otherwise. I have silenced my tongue so as not to offend unbelievers or other Christians, even. I don’t want them to think I am persecuting them. Is this not the same thing? In an effort to “placate the crowd”, Pilate’s vanity put Jesus on the cross. What if Pilate had not been influenced by what the people thought? The people tried to kill Jesus multiple times on their own, yet, they were unsuccessful. God used someone with influence, but who silenced his tongue, to give his power and means to the masses. He acquiesced. Oh, Lord, please take my vanity away from me!!!
Lastly, I think about Mary. How much did she know ahead of time? It is easy to think the Passion was easier for
her, if she “knew what was coming.” But, how much did she know? She didn’t know
Jesus was in the temple, even after searching for Him for days. So, going
forward, I imagine her watching Jesus, just as I imagine watching my own
son. At each turn, she must have
thought, “Please, let this be the end, Lord.
How much more can He bear?” When
they placed the reed in His hand, I think about his fingers opening to receive
it. For so much of the Passion, Jesus
seems to passively receive his torture, “like a lamb being led to the
slaughterhouse”. But through this, we
see His active participation in it. He
accepts it, only to have the accepted, mocking reed ripped out of His hand and
hit on His newly crowned head with it. Oh,
Lord, please forgive us! Be merciful to
us and give us Your courage, patience, and perseverance!
God, forgive us. Mary, pray for us. Jesus, be with us. Let us remain with You. Amen.
God, forgive us. Mary, pray for us. Jesus, be with us. Let us remain with You. Amen.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
What Jesus Saw When His Sweat Became Like Drops of Blood Falling on the Ground
Today is Holy Thursday. The day we remember and commemorate the Last Supper, the Institution of the Eucharist, and our Lord's Agony in the Garden. For me, it is easy to glide over our Lord's agony in the garden. It is covered in a single paragraph, and the details are scanty. What we do know about it offers very little visually, except for "his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground" (Luke 22:44). There is nothing in Scripture that describes what Jesus actually saw or felt during that hour and a half.
We know there are a lot of gaps in Scripture, and often find in the Catholic faith, incredible detail to fill those gaps, made known in personal revelations by Christ Himself. As a Catholic, it is not required that we believe these accounts, nor is it encouraged to consider them as historical fact. The Church simply makes a thorough assessment of what has revealed, and offers approval (not to be confused with promotion), if there is nothing that contradicts Church teaching (which began when Christ gave Peter the keys to the kingdom).
With that, there was a woman named Anne Catherine Emmerich who lived from 1774-1824. She bore the physical wounds of Christ, called stigmata, in her own body. Many, many details of the spiritual life and the Lord's Passion were revealed to her. In the Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, she commits 27 pages to what was revealed to her of Christ's agony. I am going to boil it way down, because I have to communicate something of what she's seen to you. I am going to summarize where possible, and quote where it is impossible.
The first agony in the garden: Jesus saw and bore all sins, of all humanity, for all time. Then, satan tempted Him with all potential (not actual) sin in His life, where human suffering was caused because of His actions:
"satan reproached Jesus with having been the cause of the massacre of the Innocents, as well as of the sufferings of his parents in Egypt, with not having saved John the Baptist from death, with having brought disunion into families, protected men of despicable character, refused to cure sick persons, injured the inhabitants of Gergesa by permitting men possessed by the devil to overturn their vats, and demons to make swine cast themselves into the sea; with having deserted his family, and squandered the property of others; in one word satan, in the hopes of causing Jesus to waver, suggested to him every thought by which he would have tempted at the hour of death an ordinary mortal who might have performed all these actions without a superhuman intention...
The second agony: Jesus "beheld the enormity of the debt of sin that He was going to pay and the suffering required to satisfy Divine Justice" while harassed and tempted by satan, "Takest thou even this sin upon thyself? Art thou willing to bear its penalty? Art thou prepared to satisfy for all these sins?"
The third agony: "Jesus having victoriously resisted all these assaults by his entire and absolute submission to the will of His Heavenly Father, a succession of new and terrifying visions were presented before his eyes, and that feeling of doubt and anxiety which a man on the point of making some great sacrifice always experiences, arose in the soul of our Lord, as he asked himself the tremendous question: 'And what good will result from this sacrifice?' Then a most awful picture of the future was displayed before his eyes and overwhelmed his tender heart with anguish...
The frightful visions of the future ingratitude of the men whose debt to Divine Justice he was taking upon himself, continued to become more and more vivid and tremendous. Several times I heard him exclaim: 'O my Father, can I possibly suffer for so ungrateful a race? O my Father, if this chalice may not pass from me, but I must drink it, thy will be done!'"
The soul of Jesus beheld all the future sufferings of his Apostles, disciples, and friends; after which he saw the primitive Church, numbering but a few souls in her fold at first, and then in proportion as her numbers increased, disturbed by the heresies and schisms breaking out among her children, who repeated the sin of Adam by pride and disobedience. He saw the tepidity, malice, and corruption of an infinite number of Christians, the lies and deceptions of proud teachers, all the sacrileges of wicked priests, the fatal consequences of each sin, and the abomination of desolation in the kingdom of God, in the sanctuary of those ungrateful human beings whom he was about to redeem with his blood at the cost of unspeakable sufferings.
The scandals of all ages, down to the present day and even to the end of the world...
It was also revealed why Peter, James, and John were chosen to stay and watch with Him:
After Jesus woke them from their sleep, John saw the condition He was in and said, 'Master, what has befallen thee? Must I call the other disciples? Ought we to take flight?' Jesus answered him: 'Were I to live, teach, and perform miracles for thirty-three years longer, that would not suffice for the accomplishment of what must be fulfilled before this time tomorrow. Call not the eight; I did not bring them hither, because they could not see me thus agonizing without being scandalized; they would yield to temptation, forget much of the past, and lose their confidence in me. But you who have seen the Son of Man transfigured, may also see him under a cloud, and in dereliction of spirit; nevertheless, watch and pray, lest ye fall into temptation, for the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak'...
Dear Jesus, I am sorry for my sins. I am sorry for my ingratitude. Please help me console Your Sacred Heart. I will try to live my gratitude for Your sufferings and death in everything I do. Please give me the grace never to offend You again. I love You, Jesus. Remember me when You come into Your Kingdom. Amen.
We know there are a lot of gaps in Scripture, and often find in the Catholic faith, incredible detail to fill those gaps, made known in personal revelations by Christ Himself. As a Catholic, it is not required that we believe these accounts, nor is it encouraged to consider them as historical fact. The Church simply makes a thorough assessment of what has revealed, and offers approval (not to be confused with promotion), if there is nothing that contradicts Church teaching (which began when Christ gave Peter the keys to the kingdom).
With that, there was a woman named Anne Catherine Emmerich who lived from 1774-1824. She bore the physical wounds of Christ, called stigmata, in her own body. Many, many details of the spiritual life and the Lord's Passion were revealed to her. In the Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, she commits 27 pages to what was revealed to her of Christ's agony. I am going to boil it way down, because I have to communicate something of what she's seen to you. I am going to summarize where possible, and quote where it is impossible.
The first agony in the garden: Jesus saw and bore all sins, of all humanity, for all time. Then, satan tempted Him with all potential (not actual) sin in His life, where human suffering was caused because of His actions:
"satan reproached Jesus with having been the cause of the massacre of the Innocents, as well as of the sufferings of his parents in Egypt, with not having saved John the Baptist from death, with having brought disunion into families, protected men of despicable character, refused to cure sick persons, injured the inhabitants of Gergesa by permitting men possessed by the devil to overturn their vats, and demons to make swine cast themselves into the sea; with having deserted his family, and squandered the property of others; in one word satan, in the hopes of causing Jesus to waver, suggested to him every thought by which he would have tempted at the hour of death an ordinary mortal who might have performed all these actions without a superhuman intention...
The second agony: Jesus "beheld the enormity of the debt of sin that He was going to pay and the suffering required to satisfy Divine Justice" while harassed and tempted by satan, "Takest thou even this sin upon thyself? Art thou willing to bear its penalty? Art thou prepared to satisfy for all these sins?"
The third agony: "Jesus having victoriously resisted all these assaults by his entire and absolute submission to the will of His Heavenly Father, a succession of new and terrifying visions were presented before his eyes, and that feeling of doubt and anxiety which a man on the point of making some great sacrifice always experiences, arose in the soul of our Lord, as he asked himself the tremendous question: 'And what good will result from this sacrifice?' Then a most awful picture of the future was displayed before his eyes and overwhelmed his tender heart with anguish...
The frightful visions of the future ingratitude of the men whose debt to Divine Justice he was taking upon himself, continued to become more and more vivid and tremendous. Several times I heard him exclaim: 'O my Father, can I possibly suffer for so ungrateful a race? O my Father, if this chalice may not pass from me, but I must drink it, thy will be done!'"
The soul of Jesus beheld all the future sufferings of his Apostles, disciples, and friends; after which he saw the primitive Church, numbering but a few souls in her fold at first, and then in proportion as her numbers increased, disturbed by the heresies and schisms breaking out among her children, who repeated the sin of Adam by pride and disobedience. He saw the tepidity, malice, and corruption of an infinite number of Christians, the lies and deceptions of proud teachers, all the sacrileges of wicked priests, the fatal consequences of each sin, and the abomination of desolation in the kingdom of God, in the sanctuary of those ungrateful human beings whom he was about to redeem with his blood at the cost of unspeakable sufferings.
The scandals of all ages, down to the present day and even to the end of the world...
It was also revealed why Peter, James, and John were chosen to stay and watch with Him:
After Jesus woke them from their sleep, John saw the condition He was in and said, 'Master, what has befallen thee? Must I call the other disciples? Ought we to take flight?' Jesus answered him: 'Were I to live, teach, and perform miracles for thirty-three years longer, that would not suffice for the accomplishment of what must be fulfilled before this time tomorrow. Call not the eight; I did not bring them hither, because they could not see me thus agonizing without being scandalized; they would yield to temptation, forget much of the past, and lose their confidence in me. But you who have seen the Son of Man transfigured, may also see him under a cloud, and in dereliction of spirit; nevertheless, watch and pray, lest ye fall into temptation, for the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak'...
Dear Jesus, I am sorry for my sins. I am sorry for my ingratitude. Please help me console Your Sacred Heart. I will try to live my gratitude for Your sufferings and death in everything I do. Please give me the grace never to offend You again. I love You, Jesus. Remember me when You come into Your Kingdom. Amen.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
A Blind Man On a Busy Street
A couple of days ago, I saw a blind man cross Villa Maria at a stoplight. If you don't live in my neck of the woods, it is one of the busier streets, and my least favorite to drive on, much less walk across with my 20/20 (very corrected) vision. I could not believe my eyes. Actually, I thought it was impossible that he should be at a busy intersection. alone. in the darkness. with nothing but a stick. So, I watched him very carefully, looking for any sign that he could see even a little bit.
The traffic stopped at the red light. He proceeded across, waving his stick up and down so as to be seen. When he got to the other side, he stopped abruptly (like you do in the dark when you bump into something), put his stick down and zigzagged it across the ramp into the parking lot. He successfully navigated around the young man on the corner spinning his big "We buy gold!" arrow, and he disappeared from my view.
I still can't get over it. All I could figure out was that he must live nearby, and have every step counted between his house and the grocery store. And how do you shop at the grocery store, by yourself, when you can't see?! Now, that I think about it, he wasn't carrying any bags. So, I wonder what he was after? Could he have just been going for a walk?! Could that possibly be relaxing?! Could the benefits from the exercise outweigh the risk from the stress? Goodness!
Seeing him made me wonder if there is a blind person on the face of the earth who doesn't believe in God. They have to trust to survive. Every step is a step of faith; it is not optional.
I am dying to run into this man again sometime. Maybe I should set up camp at that intersection and wait for him. A little stalker-esque, but I am pretty sure I would never be the same if I could hear his story.
I wanted to write to you about him when I got home that day, but I was pretty sure "I saw a blind man cross a busy street." post would have been lost on you, and I didn't know what else to say. Until now.
This morning's meditation in God Calling connected the dots for me.
I AM with you to guide you and help you. Unseen forces are controlling your destiny. Your petty fears are groundless.
What of a man walking through a glorious glade who fretted because ahead there lay a river and he might not be able to cross it, when all the time, that river was spanned by a bridge? And what if that man had a friend who knew the way -had planned it- and assured him that at no part of the journey would any unforeseen contingency arise, and that all was well?
So leave your foolish fears, and follow Me, your Guide, and determinedly refuse to consider the problems of tomorrow. My message to you is trust, and wait. ~Jesus
Ok, we know God is good, but isn't He GOOD?! I am ecstatic that this reflection is the perfect follow-up for yesterday's post about self-imposed suffering, and that it reminded me of another illustration about God as our guide - the One who knows the way because He planned it!
When God makes Himself the guide of a soul, He exacts from it an absolute confidence in Him, and a freedom from any sort of disquietude as to the way in which He conducts it. This soul, is urged on without perceiving the path traced out before it...When you are conducted by a guide who takes you through an unknown country at night across fields where there are no tracks, by his own skill, without asking advice from anyone, or giving you an inkling of his plans; how can you choose but to abandon yourself? Of what use is it looking about to find out where you are, to ask the passers-by, or to consult maps and travelers? The plans or fancies of a guide who insists on being trusted would not allow this. He would take pleasure in overcoming the anxiety and distrust of the soul, and would insist on an entire surrender to his guidance.
Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence
At the risk of making this post entirely too long, I want to end with some Phineas and Ferb lyrics that stuck this morning when I was helping my youngest pick up the pile of toys in his room.
Not Knowing Where You're Going
It's so much fun not knowin'
where you're goin'
Take a left or a right and just go in
without really knowin'...
There's no surprise in life, if you know
where you're goin'
So walk around like a monkey with a blindfold on...
Sometimes I think it's fun not to know where I'm going, and sometimes I don't. In fact, last year I went with some girlfriends on a "Mystery Bus" tour. Not knowing where you were going was the whole point, and it was a blast!
Anyway, none of us know where we're going. For eternity? Yes. But, daily, weekly, or monthly? Not so much. Whether you like it or not, we're on an adventure full or surprises, and we have been assigned a Most Excellent Guide.
Dear Heavenly Father and Earthly Guide, You are so AWESOME! Thank you for the blind man and the example he gives that he knows nothing about. Thank you for being our guide. You know our trust issues. Maybe because we can see, we try to see too much. Help us to take each step, in faith. There are such things as groundless and foolish fears. Thank you for convicting us of that, again. Sorry to be so slow in getting it. Please give us the grace to see life as an adventure, and the courage to sing with Phineas and Ferb, "It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'!" I love you! You never cease to surprise, encourage, and love me. Thank you. Amen.
The traffic stopped at the red light. He proceeded across, waving his stick up and down so as to be seen. When he got to the other side, he stopped abruptly (like you do in the dark when you bump into something), put his stick down and zigzagged it across the ramp into the parking lot. He successfully navigated around the young man on the corner spinning his big "We buy gold!" arrow, and he disappeared from my view.
I still can't get over it. All I could figure out was that he must live nearby, and have every step counted between his house and the grocery store. And how do you shop at the grocery store, by yourself, when you can't see?! Now, that I think about it, he wasn't carrying any bags. So, I wonder what he was after? Could he have just been going for a walk?! Could that possibly be relaxing?! Could the benefits from the exercise outweigh the risk from the stress? Goodness!
Seeing him made me wonder if there is a blind person on the face of the earth who doesn't believe in God. They have to trust to survive. Every step is a step of faith; it is not optional.
I am dying to run into this man again sometime. Maybe I should set up camp at that intersection and wait for him. A little stalker-esque, but I am pretty sure I would never be the same if I could hear his story.
I wanted to write to you about him when I got home that day, but I was pretty sure "I saw a blind man cross a busy street." post would have been lost on you, and I didn't know what else to say. Until now.
This morning's meditation in God Calling connected the dots for me.
I AM with you to guide you and help you. Unseen forces are controlling your destiny. Your petty fears are groundless.
What of a man walking through a glorious glade who fretted because ahead there lay a river and he might not be able to cross it, when all the time, that river was spanned by a bridge? And what if that man had a friend who knew the way -had planned it- and assured him that at no part of the journey would any unforeseen contingency arise, and that all was well?
So leave your foolish fears, and follow Me, your Guide, and determinedly refuse to consider the problems of tomorrow. My message to you is trust, and wait. ~Jesus
Ok, we know God is good, but isn't He GOOD?! I am ecstatic that this reflection is the perfect follow-up for yesterday's post about self-imposed suffering, and that it reminded me of another illustration about God as our guide - the One who knows the way because He planned it!
When God makes Himself the guide of a soul, He exacts from it an absolute confidence in Him, and a freedom from any sort of disquietude as to the way in which He conducts it. This soul, is urged on without perceiving the path traced out before it...When you are conducted by a guide who takes you through an unknown country at night across fields where there are no tracks, by his own skill, without asking advice from anyone, or giving you an inkling of his plans; how can you choose but to abandon yourself? Of what use is it looking about to find out where you are, to ask the passers-by, or to consult maps and travelers? The plans or fancies of a guide who insists on being trusted would not allow this. He would take pleasure in overcoming the anxiety and distrust of the soul, and would insist on an entire surrender to his guidance.
Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence
At the risk of making this post entirely too long, I want to end with some Phineas and Ferb lyrics that stuck this morning when I was helping my youngest pick up the pile of toys in his room.
Not Knowing Where You're Going
It's so much fun not knowin'
where you're goin'
Take a left or a right and just go in
without really knowin'...
There's no surprise in life, if you know
where you're goin'
So walk around like a monkey with a blindfold on...
Sometimes I think it's fun not to know where I'm going, and sometimes I don't. In fact, last year I went with some girlfriends on a "Mystery Bus" tour. Not knowing where you were going was the whole point, and it was a blast!
Anyway, none of us know where we're going. For eternity? Yes. But, daily, weekly, or monthly? Not so much. Whether you like it or not, we're on an adventure full or surprises, and we have been assigned a Most Excellent Guide.
Dear Heavenly Father and Earthly Guide, You are so AWESOME! Thank you for the blind man and the example he gives that he knows nothing about. Thank you for being our guide. You know our trust issues. Maybe because we can see, we try to see too much. Help us to take each step, in faith. There are such things as groundless and foolish fears. Thank you for convicting us of that, again. Sorry to be so slow in getting it. Please give us the grace to see life as an adventure, and the courage to sing with Phineas and Ferb, "It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'!" I love you! You never cease to surprise, encourage, and love me. Thank you. Amen.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Self-imposed Suffering
Today, in my women's study on suffering we learned there are three causes of self-imposed suffering, according to Fr. Richard Gill:
1. A victim mentality - We see ourselves as victims and are always looking for someone else to blame.
2. A fantasy view of human life - Adopting a romantic, "Hollywood" view of the world that is bound to disappoint us when it doesn't come true; thinking that life is beautiful and that it ought to be that way.
3. Self-pity - Feeling sorry for ourselves, being obsessed with our own weaknesses and defects, comparing ourselves unfavorably to others, not taking responsibility for our own personal growth.
Then we considered the question, "Is there any suffering in your life that is not part of God's will for you?"
It is a question worthy of reflection. It makes plain emotional and psychological sense to minimize suffering when possible. It also hinders the fruitfulness of the suffering God intends. So, figuring out whether you are suffering unnecessarily is time well-spent.
According to Jacques Phillipe in Interior Freedom, "People who haven't learned how to love will always feel like victims; they will feel restricted wherever they are. But people who love never feel restricted...We feel a natural revulsion for situations we cannot control. But the fact is that the situations that really make us grow are precisely those we do not control."
In The Promise, Fr. Jonathan Morris details three means by which we can suffer in seven ways:
Means by which we can suffer: Physical (through our senses)
Emotional (through negative emotions)
Spiritual (through perceived distance from God)
Seven ways we suffer:
1. Trifles (discomfort, annoyance, boredom)
2. Failures and personal limitations (include victim, fantasy, and self-pity mentalities here)
3. Lost love
4. Sickness
5. In face of sin and wickedness
6. Meaninglessness and depression
7. Death
Okay, I'm all "talked" out on the anatomy of suffering for today.
In a nutshell, there are a lot of ways we can suffer, and some of those ways are self-induced. If we are suffering in ways that God does not intend us to suffer, we need to stop it. We need to be aware of the three trap mentalities, which are simply living ideas that hold partial truths. Be completely truthful with yourself. I know Hollywood has more influence than I want to admit...
If you fall into victim-mode, fantasy, or self-pity, shake hands with reality and shake off all untruths. Write down the truth and carry it around with you if you need to. Ask God to show you where you've been duped. The devil is sly and content with any small deviation from truth. In fact, he prefers small deviations; they are less likely to arouse suspicion. 2+2 = 4. Don't settle for 3 or 5.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for time to gather with other women and delve into Your Word and Your Truth. Thank you for the promise that the Truth will set us free. Lord, give us the courage to look within and truly see the errors of our heart. In our insecurity, it is easy to look around or use reality TV as a measuring stick. Sometimes, it is hard to know what is influencing our thoughts and actions, because we're influenced before we give our permission. Please be with us Lord. We want to be free, so we want to know and live the Truth. Give us the grace to know what that looks like for each one of us. Increase our love, so that we may never be victim to another. Increase our faith, so that we may trust You in every circumstance. Help us to live in reality at all times. Thank you for all. Amen.
1. A victim mentality - We see ourselves as victims and are always looking for someone else to blame.
2. A fantasy view of human life - Adopting a romantic, "Hollywood" view of the world that is bound to disappoint us when it doesn't come true; thinking that life is beautiful and that it ought to be that way.
3. Self-pity - Feeling sorry for ourselves, being obsessed with our own weaknesses and defects, comparing ourselves unfavorably to others, not taking responsibility for our own personal growth.
Then we considered the question, "Is there any suffering in your life that is not part of God's will for you?"
It is a question worthy of reflection. It makes plain emotional and psychological sense to minimize suffering when possible. It also hinders the fruitfulness of the suffering God intends. So, figuring out whether you are suffering unnecessarily is time well-spent.
According to Jacques Phillipe in Interior Freedom, "People who haven't learned how to love will always feel like victims; they will feel restricted wherever they are. But people who love never feel restricted...We feel a natural revulsion for situations we cannot control. But the fact is that the situations that really make us grow are precisely those we do not control."
In The Promise, Fr. Jonathan Morris details three means by which we can suffer in seven ways:
Means by which we can suffer: Physical (through our senses)
Emotional (through negative emotions)
Spiritual (through perceived distance from God)
Seven ways we suffer:
1. Trifles (discomfort, annoyance, boredom)
2. Failures and personal limitations (include victim, fantasy, and self-pity mentalities here)
3. Lost love
4. Sickness
5. In face of sin and wickedness
6. Meaninglessness and depression
7. Death
Okay, I'm all "talked" out on the anatomy of suffering for today.
In a nutshell, there are a lot of ways we can suffer, and some of those ways are self-induced. If we are suffering in ways that God does not intend us to suffer, we need to stop it. We need to be aware of the three trap mentalities, which are simply living ideas that hold partial truths. Be completely truthful with yourself. I know Hollywood has more influence than I want to admit...
If you fall into victim-mode, fantasy, or self-pity, shake hands with reality and shake off all untruths. Write down the truth and carry it around with you if you need to. Ask God to show you where you've been duped. The devil is sly and content with any small deviation from truth. In fact, he prefers small deviations; they are less likely to arouse suspicion. 2+2 = 4. Don't settle for 3 or 5.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for time to gather with other women and delve into Your Word and Your Truth. Thank you for the promise that the Truth will set us free. Lord, give us the courage to look within and truly see the errors of our heart. In our insecurity, it is easy to look around or use reality TV as a measuring stick. Sometimes, it is hard to know what is influencing our thoughts and actions, because we're influenced before we give our permission. Please be with us Lord. We want to be free, so we want to know and live the Truth. Give us the grace to know what that looks like for each one of us. Increase our love, so that we may never be victim to another. Increase our faith, so that we may trust You in every circumstance. Help us to live in reality at all times. Thank you for all. Amen.
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