A Blind Man On a Busy Street

A couple of days ago, I saw a blind man cross Villa Maria at a stoplight.  If you don't live in my neck of the woods, it is one of the busier streets, and my least favorite to drive on, much less walk across with my 20/20 (very corrected) vision.  I could not believe my eyes.  Actually, I thought it was impossible that he should be at a busy intersection. alone. in the darkness. with nothing but a stick.  So, I watched him very carefully, looking for any sign that he could see even a little bit. 

The traffic stopped at the red light.  He proceeded across, waving his stick up and down so as to be seen.  When he got to the other side, he stopped abruptly (like you do in the dark when you bump into something), put his stick down and zigzagged it across the ramp into the parking lot.  He successfully navigated around the young man on the corner spinning his big "We buy gold!" arrow, and he disappeared from my view.

I still can't get over it.  All I could figure out was that he must live nearby, and have every step counted between his house and the grocery store.  And how do you shop at the grocery store, by yourself, when you can't see?!  Now, that I think about it, he wasn't carrying any bags.  So, I wonder what he was after?  Could he have just been going for a walk?!  Could that possibly be relaxing?!  Could the benefits from the exercise outweigh the risk from the stress?  Goodness!

Seeing him made me wonder if there is a blind person on the face of the earth who doesn't believe in God.  They have to trust to survive.  Every step is a step of faith; it is not optional. 

I am dying to run into this man again sometime.  Maybe I should set up camp at that intersection and wait for him.  A little stalker-esque, but I am pretty sure I would never be the same if I could hear his story.

I wanted to write to you about him when I got home that day, but I was pretty sure "I saw a blind man cross a busy street." post would have been lost on you, and I didn't know what else to say.  Until now.

This morning's meditation in God Calling connected the dots for me.

I AM with you to guide you and help you.  Unseen forces are controlling your destiny.  Your petty fears are groundless.

What of a man walking through a glorious glade who fretted because ahead there lay a river and he might not be able to cross it, when all the time, that river was spanned by a bridge?  And what if that man had a friend who knew the way -had planned it- and assured him that at no part of the journey would any unforeseen contingency arise, and that all was well?

So leave your foolish fears, and follow Me, your Guide, and determinedly refuse to consider the problems of tomorrow.  My message to you is trust, and wait.     ~Jesus

Ok, we know God is good, but isn't He GOOD?!  I am ecstatic that this reflection is the perfect follow-up for yesterday's post about self-imposed suffering, and that it reminded me of another illustration about God as our guide - the One who knows the way because He planned it!

When God makes Himself the guide of a soul, He exacts from it an absolute confidence in Him, and a freedom from any sort of disquietude as to the way in which He conducts it.  This soul, is urged on without perceiving the path traced out before it...When you are conducted by a guide who takes you through an unknown country at night across fields where there are no tracks, by his own skill, without asking advice from anyone, or giving you an inkling of his plans; how can you choose but to abandon yourself?  Of what use is it looking about to find out where you are, to ask the passers-by, or to consult maps and travelers?  The plans or fancies of a guide who insists on being trusted would not allow this.  He would take pleasure in overcoming the anxiety and distrust of the soul, and would insist on an entire surrender to his guidance.

Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence

At the risk of making this post entirely too long, I want to end with some Phineas and Ferb lyrics that stuck this morning when I was helping my youngest pick up the pile of toys in his room. 

Not Knowing Where You're Going

It's so much fun not knowin'
where you're goin'
Take a left or a right and just go in
without really knowin'...
There's no surprise in life, if you know
where you're goin'

So walk around like a monkey with a blindfold on...


Sometimes I think it's fun not to know where I'm going, and sometimes I don't.  In fact, last year I went with some girlfriends on a "Mystery Bus" tour.  Not knowing where you were going was the whole point, and it was a blast! 

Anyway, none of us know where we're going.  For eternity?  Yes.  But, daily, weekly, or monthly?  Not so much.  Whether you like it or not, we're on an adventure full or surprises, and we have been assigned a Most Excellent Guide. 

Dear Heavenly Father and Earthly Guide, You are so AWESOME!  Thank you for the blind man and the example he gives that he knows nothing about.  Thank you for being our guide.  You know our trust issues.  Maybe because we can see, we try to see too much.  Help us to take each step, in faith.  There are such things as groundless and foolish fears.  Thank you for convicting us of that, again.  Sorry to be so slow in getting it.  Please give us the grace to see life as an adventure, and the courage to sing with Phineas and Ferb, "It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'!"  I love you!  You never cease to surprise, encourage, and love me.  Thank you.  Amen.

Loving Myself For Your Benefit

Yesterday, I had the honor of speaking to a beautiful group of wives and mothers who gather to pray and fellowship.  The time I spent with them clarified and deepened a conviction about our need to love ourselves.  I am embracing an "I love me for your benefit" philosophy.  However, it needs to be understood in the context of the proper "love order" (as reviewed by Fr. Michael Sullivan). We should love:
          1. God (above all else)
          2. Our soul (Love your neighbor as yourself)
          3. Our neighbor (yes, this includes our kids)
          4. Our body

I want to share this with you because our culture screams "Love yourself!  Love yourself!  Love yourself!"  Our culture says it's okay if your love begins and ends with yourself. 

As a person who would like to be "in the world, but not of the world", a.k.a. "counter-cultural", it would be easy to dismiss this "Love yourself" concept altogether, throw on the penances, don the hairshirt, and work on loving everyone but myself.  Meanwhile, making sure to feel very selfish for the smallest indulgence.  (Are you nodding your head in agreement?)  I think Christian women may lean a little too far in this direction (myself included).  Not for the sake of martyrdom, but because we fail to see the line between ordered and disordered love.

The truth (as usual) is not to be found in either extreme.  We cannot love our neighbor as ourself, if we do not love ourself in the first place.

"I love me for your benefit." - A person operating at this level says:  "I love me, work on me, and build myself up so that I can come to you from a position of wholeness, a position of fullness.  I take care of me so that you don't have to.  From fullness I can then empty myself, my gifts, my love, my actions, for your ultimate benefit.  I am the only one in charge of me, and I am the one ultimately responsible for me and my well-being.  Therefore, as a steward of my greatest gift, my life, I need to take steps to ensure my health, my calmness of mind, my sanity, and my own validation as a person in the world.  Thus, I can free you from having to provide those things for me.  Thus, I can truly serve you without needing you to serve me."

Hal Runkel, author of Scream-Free Parenting

Dear Lover of Body and Soul, Creator and Redeemer,  Thank you for loving us.  Thank you for summarizing the ten commandments in only two.  "Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind."  "Love your neighbor as yourself."  Please help us to know what this looks like.  The world's voice is so loud, please help us to hear You.  I don't want to love myself more than I should, but I don't want to burden others for my part, either.  Please show me where the balance is in all things.  I love you and I trust You to reveal to me what I need to know.  I love you.  Amen. 

Obsession With Self-Survival

On this Memorial Day, the flags are flying all over town and we remember all of those who have died, and sacrificed life or limb in the name of freedom.  My heart goes out to all of those who grieve for their loved ones who died serving their country.  If only honor helped mitigate pain. 

This day also makes me think about my own mortality.  Fr. William Joensen turned on a switch in my brain one day when I read the following: "Humans become 'capable of death' by the willing embrace of the Word who helps us overcome obsession with self-survival."  I began to wonder, "Am I obsessed with surviving?"  The answer is yes.  Not just yes to staying alive physically, but to avoiding little deaths, too.  I think every bad personal choice ever made is an attempt to avoid the feeling of dying (suffering) - physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  Drugs, sex, alcohol, food, politics, things, an excess of anything - we use these things to distract us or attempt to overpower whatever it is within ourselves that is languishing.

C.S. Lewis diffuses any attempt to convince ourselves that this approach might work:

"If you have not chosen the kingdom of God, it will make in the end no difference what you have chosen instead! (Law)  Women or patriotism, cocaine or art, whisky or a seat in the Cabinet, money or science.  Does it matter to a man dying in a desert by which choice of route he missed the only well?"

Today is a good day to take inventory of the little deaths you might be trying to avoid or focus on what you want to do, no matter how much sacrifice is involved.  What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?  How do you live with the "End in Mind"?  Miranda Walichowski has an excellent planner and website that encourages this kind of mindset as you live your life.  You can learn more about her and her planner at www.miranous.com.

Dear God, Thank you for the freedom we have in the United States of America.  Thank you for all of the soldiers and their families who have sacrificed to make it so.  Thank you for your Word.  Please give us the grace to embrace it.  Please help us see clearly the route to the only well, and help us to stay on it.  Protect us from all of the things that lure us away and give us the grace to see them for what they are.  Help us to overcome our obsession with surviving by dying to ourselves at every turn.  It is in these little deaths that we will one day be united to You.  I love you.  Amen.