Showing posts with label Self-pity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-pity. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Living Paycheck-To-Paycheck In a Little House at Christmastime

It's Christmastime.  Lots of beautiful pictures of beautiful people in beautiful places.  There are Christmas parties, well-lit trees, fires in fireplaces, and drinks for all.

Unless there isn't...

Without any direct proof, I suspect a large majority of us live paycheck-to-paycheck.  I also suspect that most of us feel poorer at Christmas than at any other time.  When you live paycheck-to-paycheck, a Wish list is your nightmare and a credit card's dream, and if you're not lucky enough to have good credit, it's simply a list of Things-I-Don't-Have-Enough-Money-to-Buy (which really isn't helpful any time of the year).  It's all-too-easy to look around and wish you lived in one of those big, beautiful houses with endless presents under the tree (that are already paid off).  And, if you succumb to your looking around, you allow yourself a long ride on the one-way swing from the "Have" to the "Have-Not" tree.

But, wait.  If you happen to be poor this Christmas, just barely making it, or one of those who thinks everyone else's Christmas is bigger, more beautiful, more Christmas-y, or more perfect than yours, venture with me to my childhood mind, for just a minute... 

I have never lived in a big house by American standards, but have only lived in mansions if you're from any other country on the planet.  As a little girl, I remember dreaming about dormer windows and a house with an upstairs.  I loved the thought of a big house, and the idea of all of those rooms, although I couldn't figure out (and still can't) what they might all be used for.  I have never lived in a house that had a room that wasn't used every day, but, I remember driving by big, beautiful houses, and wondering "What is going on in there?" and thinking, "It must be wonderful, whatever it is."     

However, I've grown up, and have spent some time considering what it is that drew me to those big, beautiful houses.  And, I've discovered it!  I always assumed there was more love in a big house.  I imagined something delicious baking in the oven, and someone who took the time to make it.  I imagined a group of people around a table, smiling and laughing (Ironically, all in one room).  I imagined the thoughts, the words, the interactions, the food, and everything in between,  to be beautiful and full of love.  

Pope John Paul II quoted Dostoevsky when he wrote, "Beauty will save the world."  I think I have learned why beauty is so powerful.  It is because someone cares enough to make an effort.  Beauty is the product of Love.  Whether it is the flowers that someone cares enough to water, the cookies someone cares enough to bake, or the decorations that someone cares enough to hang; the love and the someone behind it is where the real attraction is. 

I can still appreciate looking at a big, beautiful house, but I would no longer trade it for my own.  I now know that the someone(s) inside are the real source of my interest.  Scraping by or filthy rich, little house or big house, I have someone.  Many, in fact.  And if I continue with my suspicions, I suspect you do, too.  Celebrate with me, if you have even one person who loves you.  And read this poem any time the world tricks you into thinking you are poor.  Especially if you are living paycheck-to-paycheck in a little house at Christmastime...

If all the world were mine to plunder
I'd be content with just one town,
And in that town, one house alone,
And in that house, one single room,
And in that room, one cot only,
For there, asleep, is the one I love.
-Ancient Sanskrit Poem 

Dear God the Father, Thank you for sending Baby Jesus in His humanity.  Thank you, Mary, for saying "Yes".  Thank you, Joseph, for stepping in and stepping up.  Thank you, Jesus, for being born in a stable.  Not in a mansion.  Not in your own little house.  Not even a room in the inn.  Thank you for showing us that "love grows best in little houses".  Strengthen us as we guard our eyes, that we may not look away from the blessings in our life for any reason, least of all to look longingly at ways you've blessed another.  Please give us the grace to be that someone who strives to make the effort to love, and add beauty to the lives of those around us.  Thank you for those who do this continually, and for their example.  Please be with those who don't have even one by whom they know they are loved.  Let them be known and sought after.  Thank you for the wealth you've given us in those we love.  You know we would not trade them for any amount of money.  God bless us all - the poor who are poor, the poor who are rich, the rich who are rich, and the rich who are poor.  Amen.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Self-imposed Suffering

Today, in my women's study on suffering we learned there are three causes of self-imposed suffering, according to Fr. Richard Gill:

1.  A victim mentality - We see ourselves as victims and are always looking for someone else to blame.

2.  A fantasy view of human life - Adopting a romantic, "Hollywood" view of the world that is bound to disappoint us when it doesn't come true; thinking that life is beautiful and that it ought to be that way.

3.  Self-pity - Feeling sorry for ourselves, being obsessed with our own weaknesses and defects, comparing ourselves unfavorably to others, not taking responsibility for our own personal growth.

Then we considered the question, "Is there any suffering in your life that is not part of God's will for you?" 

It is a question worthy of reflection.  It makes plain emotional and psychological sense to minimize suffering when possible.  It also hinders the fruitfulness of the suffering God intends.  So, figuring out whether you are suffering unnecessarily is time well-spent. 

According to Jacques Phillipe in Interior Freedom, "People who haven't learned how to love will always feel like victims; they will feel restricted wherever they are.  But people who love never feel restricted...We feel a natural revulsion for situations we cannot control.  But the fact is that the situations that really make us grow are precisely those we do not control."

In The Promise, Fr. Jonathan Morris details three means by which we can suffer in seven ways:

Means by which we can suffer: Physical (through our senses)
                                                   Emotional (through negative emotions)
                                                   Spiritual (through perceived distance from God)

Seven ways we suffer: 
1.  Trifles (discomfort, annoyance, boredom)
2.  Failures and personal limitations (include victim, fantasy, and self-pity mentalities here)
3.  Lost love
4.  Sickness
5.  In face of sin and wickedness
6.  Meaninglessness and depression
7.  Death

Okay, I'm all "talked" out on the anatomy of suffering for today. 

In a nutshell, there are a lot of ways we can suffer, and some of those ways are self-induced.  If we are suffering in ways that God does not intend us to suffer, we need to stop it.  We need to be aware of the three trap mentalities, which are simply living ideas that hold partial truths.  Be completely truthful with yourself.  I know Hollywood has more influence than I want to admit...

If you fall into victim-mode, fantasy, or self-pity, shake hands with reality and shake off all untruths.  Write down the truth and carry it around with you if you need to.  Ask God to show you where you've been duped.  The devil is sly and content with any small deviation from truth.  In fact, he prefers small deviations; they are less likely to arouse suspicion.  2+2 = 4.  Don't settle for 3 or 5.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for time to gather with other women and delve into Your Word and Your Truth.  Thank you for the promise that the Truth will set us free.  Lord, give us the courage to look within and truly see the errors of our heart.  In our insecurity, it is easy to look around or use reality TV as a measuring stick.  Sometimes, it is hard to know what is influencing our thoughts and actions, because we're influenced before we give our permission.  Please be with us Lord.  We want to be free, so we want to know and live the Truth.  Give us the grace to know what that looks like for each one of us.  Increase our love, so that we may never be victim to another.  Increase our faith, so that we may trust You in every circumstance.  Help us to live in reality at all times.  Thank you for all.  Amen.