Day After Day, Week After Week, Month After Month, Year After Year...

I finished a book today that I bought four years ago for my husband.  It was recommended by a beloved priest then, and again last week by my spiritual director.  

It reminded me of something I used to know and how it inspired me when I learned of it, and motivated me to practice it consciously, at least for a little while.

The vision of the kingdom, the call of Christ to labor and suffer with him, has overtones of a great and noble crusade - yet we must each of us translate that vision and retain that spirit in the routine, humdrum events of every day...one day at a time, frustrated and perhaps discouraged, each twenty-four hours filled with as many defeats and frustrations as victories, each hour made up of sixty minutes of humdrum things and little people busy and concerned about many other things, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year...

...Each day, every day of our lives, God presents to us the people and opportunities upon which he expects us to act.  He expects no more of us, but he will accept nothing less of us; and we fail in our promise and commitment if we do not see in the situations of every moment of every day as his divine will...

I simply cannot be reminded of this enough.  Brother Lawrence in the The Practice of the Presence of God and Fr. Jean Pierre de Caussade in Abandonment to Divine Providence have been two great teachers for me on the subject.  But, I read them so long ago, and had forgotten, again.  So, thank you, Fr. Walter Ciszek for reminding me, yet again, to celebrate the sacrament of the present moment!  

Wrapping up Memorial weekend and kicking off a summer with boys ushers in a lot of memorable moments...

Like trying to build a hobbit house under a trampoline

Hanging out with friends and explosives

Launching a cardboard paratrooper from a rooftop

Shooting an AR-15

Fishing, again.

And finding a little beauty in a fungus for me, in the middle of all this boy stuff

And these are just from the last two days.  But, I know there are exponentially more unphotographed and unrecognized moments than photographed and fully present ones.  That's okay.  It will always be that way.  But, the gap doesn't have to retain its seismic features.  I can close it, little by little.  Not by taking more pictures, but by being present and remembering, believing that the details are the expressed work of God.  

This is not easy, but for me, very worthwhile.  If I can work to believe that God is at work in my life (because, sometimes it is work), all of the moments that come to us, come with their own sense of peace and joy.  People, places, inconveniences, and drastic changes in the plan can be received with new energy and acceptance when considered as the will of God, hand-delivered.  

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!  

Mark 9:24

   

I Don't Want to Do This Anymore

Yesterday, I finished facilitating an 8-week study on The Temperament God Gave You by Art and Larraine Bennett.  We were a small group on this final day, but I learned two big lessons. 

The first thing the ladies taught me is that for some people, life is really hard, most of the time.  It's hard for a lot of reasons.  They can't get out of their head.  They want perfection from themselves and other people, and when they don't get it, they're impatient and unkind, which makes them feel worse about a situation they already felt crappy about.  This spiral repeats itself mercilessly, and often seems impossible to break out of.  They carry guilt for all sorts of reasons, including shortcomings in motherhood, feeling like they should be something or someone other than who they are, and not praying well or enough.  A thought that surfaces all-too-often is "I don't want to do this anymore."  After saying this out loud,  reassurances come quickly about not really being suicidal.  But, that doesn't mean it isn't an occasional fantasy.

The second thing they taught me, is that there are more of them than there are of me.  I am generally happy-go-lucky, go-along-to-get-along, and find more joy in life than anything else.  In a word, I am content.  Thanks to the insight of a trusted friend, I learned that while this is great for me, it's a mixed bag for them.  I am a spot of sunshine on a cloudy day, but I also frustrate them and add to their burden.  They wonder what they're doing wrong, and why they don't have the peace that seems to come so easily to me.  I hate this, and am tempted to crawl into a hole because of it.  But, as my friend pointed out, that would be the plan of the devil, exactly.  So, I have to focus on how I can help rather than hurt them.

As it turns out, much of our individual perspectives goes back to the temperament we were born with.  They are "melancholic" and I am "sanguine".  I don't understand why God made us so differently, but I suspect it has something to do with needing each other.  Because I know we do.  I also know that "perfection consists in doing the will of God, not in understanding His designs".

Even though our differences seem great, our commonality is greater, and I want to encourage all who share in the struggle of daily living.  No matter what our temperament is, we have to persevere.  Nobody is getting to Heaven without PERSEVERANCE.  Period. 

I can't find the quote just now, but we must not allow ourselves to be disappointed or surprised at what we are (or are not) capable of at any moment.  We are human, we are sinners, and we will fail continually until we die.  I'm sorry for this hard truth, but the thing about truth is that it doesn't go away.  At the moment we realize we're doing the very thing we intended not to do, or not doing the very thing we resolved to do, we must begin again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  Furthermore, we must do all of this "beginning again" without wasting time and energy wondering how on earth we allowed whatever we allowed.  If we are ever disappointed with or surprised at ourselves, then we have overestimated our capability at the outset, and that is pride! 

"In trying to do anything, we must ask for God's help.  "Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given.  Never mind.  After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again.  Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.  For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still.  It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God.  We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven.  The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection."  Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis

The other secret to thriving day by day, is the PRESENT MOMENT.

"There is not a moment in which God does not present Himself under the cover of some pain to be endured, of some consolation to be enjoyed, or of some duty to be performed.  All that takes place within us, around us, or through us, contains and conceals His divine action."

"The duties of each moment are the shadows beneath which hides the divine operation...'The power of the most High shall over-shadow thee (Luke 1:35), said the angel to Mary.  This shadow, beneath which is hidden the power of God for the purpose of bringing forth Jesus Christ in the soul, is the duty, the attraction, or the cross that is presented to us at each moment."

"The present is ever filled with infinite treasure, it contains more than you have the capacity to hold...We can no longer consider our moments as trifles since in them is a whole kingdom of sanctity and food for angels."

"In the state of abandonment the only rule is the duty of the present moment.  In this the soul is light as a feather, liquid as water, simple as a child, active as a ball in receiving and following all the inspirations of grace."

"What courage would they not derive from the thought that to acquire the friendship of God, and to arrive at eternal glory, they had but to do what they were doing, but to suffer what they were suffering, and that what they wasted and counted as nothing would suffice to enable them to arrive at eminent sanctity:  far more so than extraordinary states and wonderful works.

Abandonment to Divine Providence, Jean Pierre de Caussade

Just as we need perseverance and the present moment to triumph in the dailiness of life, there are two things we don't need.

1.  Guilt.  It has to go.  It paralyzes.  We need to shed it like a coat on a summer day.  It is not what God wants for us, and we are deluded to think it somehow pleases God to carry it around:  Say "YES to realizing that carrying guilt is a greater sin than the failures that caused it...that it negates all Christ paid to set us free."  YES, Ann Kiemel

"Whenever you feel guilty, even if it is because you have consciously committed a sin, a serious sin, something you have kept doing many times, never let the devil deceive you by allowing him to discourage you.  My beloved, may every fall...always become for us a small step toward a higher degree of perfection." ~Maximilian Kolbe

2.  Being critical of others:  "If God has not transformed a person, It is because He puts up with Him as he is!  He waits with patience the opportune moment.  Why be more demanding and impatient than God?" Searching For and Maintaining Peace, Jacques Phillipe

Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbor's souls and come to their rescue.

Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbor's needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings.

Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all...
~Sister Faustina

Dear God of All Four Temperaments, Thank you for the study we just finished, the fun and growth we had on the way, and most especially the friendships that budded in the process.  Thank you for safe places where being yourself is encouraged and being vulnerable is okay.  Lord, please bless all of those whose everyday living is hard.  When you see and hear those "I don't want to do this anymore" thoughts, please dissipate them with Your Love.  Encourage and sustain them.  Please give us all the grace of perseverance!  And, finally, please help us find You continually in the present moment, under the cover of some pain to be endured, of some consolation to be enjoyed, or of some duty to be performed.  Amen.

15 Graces To Pray For

Today is my first day back after a 3-day silent retreat to participate in the Ignatian spiritual exercises.  I have so much I want to share with you, but know I have to pick and choose the things that are good for you.  Before I get carried away, let me very seriously encourage you to make one of these retreats in your lifetime.  The sooner, the better.  The more often, the better.

You cannot return the same after spending a weekend conversing with Jesus Christ.

These retreats come around twice a year in these parts.  Next year, mine will be February 13 - 16 in Castroville, TX.  Put it on your calendar if you live less than two states away!

I attended this same retreat last year and it was the impetus for starting this blog.  If you haven't read my very first few posts, it will give you the necessary background for understanding my motivation every time I write.  In a nutshell, last year I was completely convicted of God's love for me, and the pain it causes Him when we fail to trust Him.  I felt very compelled to do something to love Him back, and encourage others to do the same.

This year, I was reminded of His love for me (my conviction from last year remains), His generosity, His patience, and His mercy.  I had many personal lights and wrote my program of life, which is basically a plan that identifies the major area of sin in your life, how it manifests itself, the opposing virtue, and specific measures to practice that virtue. 

It is very personal, and every person's looks different.  I am not opposed to sharing mine with you, but am going to wait for that inspiration, as I'm not yet sure if it would be helpful to you.

However, I know something that will be helpful to you.  For each of the 15 meditations, we were encouraged to ask for a specific fruit or grace.  I want to invite you to ask for the same graces and encourage you to incorporate them into your prayer life. 

In Apostolate for Holy Motherhood, Christ says, "Ask of Me all that is good for thee spiritually, and it will be granted thee..."

Lord, please grant me the grace...

1.)  Of detachment of all that is not You nor leads me to You.
2.)  To seek You alone.
3.)  To know the malice of sin, so I may despise it in my own life.
4.)  To be ready for death at any moment.
5.)  To be a disciple that is called to Christ's right hand at the final judgment.
6.)  To be meek and humble of heart.
7.)  To imitate You in simplicity.
8.)  For a deeper desire to follow You.
9.)  For the grace to experience the depth of the Mass.
10.)  To know You as a person.
11.)  To accompany You in Your suffering.
12.)  To be as faithful a friend to You as You are to me.
13.)  To ardently desire Heaven.
14.)  To be an apostle, who with You, can do all things.
15.)  To use well the gifts You have given me, especially my intelligence and free will.

Thank you for hearing me.  I love You.  Make me love You more and more.  Amen.

Slowing Down To Celebrate Christmas and the Sacrament of the Present Moment

It's Advent.  A season of waiting and preparing our hearts to receive The Infant Jesus on His birthday.  How can I prepare a dusty and cluttered room for a King?!  It seems more than a little bit beyond what I am capable of.  But, I know I can't (or at least shouldn't) do nothing.  So, I need to begin by sweeping it out and letting some fresh air in.  In other words, I need to go to confession.  I need to acknowledge and let go of all that is ugly, selfish, and stained. 

Once I've cleaned His room as much as possible, how can I celebrate His arrival?!  Simply by being with Him.  Slowing down to joyfully receive all that comes, without rushing ahead or lagging behind.  To bear in mind the words and ideas of St. Francis de Sales:

We must attend to the business of life carefully, but without eagerness or overanxiety.  Gently flowing rivers bear barges with rich merchandise.  Make haste slowly.  We are always soon enough when we do well.  Accept the duties which come upon you quietly, and try to fulfill them methodically one after the other.  Remember the productive honeybee, who quietly goes about its business, while the bumblebee just makes noise.

If I can slow down, I can begin to celebrate the sacrament of the present moment.  It is a perpetual victory for Christ when one is aware of His presence in all things!  It is foolish to think He is pleased to be an afterthought and that He doesn't mind waiting until I'm finished with everything and everyone else.  If we remain unable to see Him in others and ordinary circumstances, He will always be last.  Reserved until the end of the day, when all of the others climb into bed, and we're too tired to pay Him any worthy attention at all.  

"The power of the most High shall over-shadow thee (Luke 1:35), said the angel to Mary.   This shadow, beneath which is hidden the power of God for the purpose of bringing forth Jesus Christ in the soul, is the duty, the attraction, or the cross that is presented to us at each moment."   Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence

If I can get his room in shape and slow down enough to spend time with Him there, only one question remains.  How can I bring Him to others?  By taking Him in the love which wraps our daily acts of kindness.  If those who receive them ponder the love, if they question the love, if the love they feel gives them pause, they will find Christ from Whom all love emanates.

If we can accomplish these things (Cleaning the King's room, Slowing down, Living in the present moment, and bringing Him to others),  We will honor Christ's birth and His life.  We will be like His Mother. 

Dear Baby Jesus and Savior King, Help me to prepare a room in my heart that is worthy of You.  Help me to slow down and attempt only one thing at a time.  Please give me eyes to "see" You in every person and circumstance.  Please give me the grace to be more like Your Mother.  I don't want to leave You for the end of the day, when I don't have anything else to give.  I know how I fare without Your Help in this, for that is where I am today.  Thank you for your mercy, patience, and love.  Thank you for trusting humanity enough to come to this world as an infant.  I am in awe of You and I love You.  Amen.

Fan to Follower

I hope you're easing into your Saturday like I am.  I wanted to share today's Magnificat meditation with you.  It sums up what I am trying to do with this blog..."transforming every event into an opportunity for genuine dialogue," with God.  Hopefully, I am doing that and helping you do the same.  I would be thrilled to know if my dialogue with God has encouraged you in your own! 

We  must also nourish this deep desire to meet God so that when the opportunity presents itself, we can take hold of it, and transform every event into an opportunity for genuine dialogue.  But the real obstacle to a life of prayer arises from an inordinate love; the Love of self...

In our relationship with Christ, however, each of us must resolve one great problem:  to pass from the abstract level to the personal one, that is, to put aside the kind of relationship that consists largely of ideas one has about Christ and to come to a direct encounter.  The same transition points are found in the life of prayer as in any friendship.  There is a time when we are still not completely sure of the other person, when we are uncertain as to whether he will think or react like us.  Then the moment comes when we are assured of the other person, and every exchange is founded on a personal relationship.  Every event and even apparent differences are accepted without fear, since the reciprocity involved is one truly based on love.  We love someone else because he loves us.  What sustains and activates dialogue is this response, it is the fact that the other person is happy to love us.  Therefore, the value of every method of prayer will depend primarily not on the number of abstract ideas it can give rise to, or on any other consideration, but on this fundamental question:  Is it a help or a hindrance to the development of an authentic dialogue with Christ?

-Fr. Bernard Bro

Dear God, Thank you for Saturdays and freedom of speech.  Thank you for letting me share my faith in You and love for You, without fear.  Please let me be a tool in Your hands, so that people may know Your love and You may know theirs.  Please help those who want to know You better, but are stuck.  Help us to be a people that You can delight in.  Amen.

It Doesn't Matter Where You Sit

July 2, 2012 ~

We're on our way back to Kansas after sleeping over in Des Moines last night.  I'm just thinking about life and the common threads that run through it.  After driving through countless small towns and some big cities, too, the mystery that distance can create has dissipated.  After seeing a lot of people porch-sitting and walking to the post office, it is so obvious that time progresses the same for all of us.  It is true that some of us rush through our days, and some move in sync with the slow tick of a grandfather clock.  It is also true that some work, some garden, some snowmobile, and some stay home, but we all get up and eat, and go to bed, and fill in the time in between.

It's like we are all stranded on an island called earth and doing what we can to live well.  For many, that means avoiding work or boredom or commitment - anything to preserve the powerful, but false perception of freedom.  Others, plunge themselves into the service of humanity.  And yet others, spend their entire lives trying to learn more about and love the One responsible for landing them on the island in the first place.

For these, it makes no difference whether they are riding shotgun in a minivan, sitting in a kayak on a great lake, on a tractor seat in a field of crops, or on the swing of their front porch.  It's all the same to them, for time and place are insignificant - every one offers the same opportunity to meet their God in the present moment.

It is so easy to live under the subconcious umbrella that "real life is elsewhere."  Not so.  Not so.  Real life is always in the present, and fortunately for us, we cannot live anywhere else.