A 19-year-old boy killed 17 unsuspecting students and wounded many others. I grieve for everyone who knew and loved them.
Since that horrific day, I've participated very little and overheard a lot of conversations about who and what are at fault, who is covering up what and why, and how do we fix it, now and forever.
We would be totally deranged if we weren't in a fervor, and if the discussion didn't start around the gun debate. It is such an obvious starting place.
But.
But, what about the boy holding the gun? Was there a time he was innocent, and believed the world was a good place, full of people who loved him, and whom he loved in return?
I don't know, but I suspect there was. Even for a little while.
"An environment is needed for the flourishing of every kind of life...a living environment, circumstances that will allow the person who wishes to live to breathe, grow, and nourish himself. If the environment disappears, so does the life..." Fr. Bernard Bro
If I were some fixture in his room throughout his childhood, I wonder how many times I would have wished I was alive and could go to him, because he was sitting in the corner, crying. Alone.
I have a friend who has endured much loss, disappointment, and betrayal in her lifetime. She once described herself as feeling like a set of shelves. A time came when there was one heartbreak too many and she felt each shelf break in turn, right down the middle.
I believe we have threshholds, and threshholds can be exceeded. And who knows what after that.
"For most people, the family is the place where one learns to love, or not...We most likely do not learn to love from our school, or from our place of employment, or from our interactions with the government. Now we might, when we are older, learn a lot about love from our friends or a romantic love. But at crucial developmental periods prior to adulthood, if we do not come to understand the contents of attentive, secure, sacrificial love from our family, we will likely be impaired in ways difficult, if not impossible, to transcend in the matter of giving and receiving love."
-Helent Alvare, The Family and the Values of Human Life
There are people that I love, who are in my life at this very moment, who feel completely missed in the world they show up in every day. Unseen, unheard, and unknown. By all appearances, they are thriving, but they carry devastating, life-altering burdens.
I wonder if a milk carton campaign for the "missing" who live among us would be an effective remedy. Hey! That's so-and-so who sits over there every day at lunch by himself. Hey! That's my colleague right down the hall. Hey! That's my next door neighbor. Hey! That's my son! Based on the little I know about the boy's life, and the number of times the police were involved over an extended period of time, I believe he was missed. He is not understood, but he is no longer missing. He is seen. But, he will never again be seen as a person worthy of love. And that is no way to live.
I don't know. And I'm pretty sure I know less now than when I began typing. The only thing I know for sure is that tragedy has struck, we must continue living, and we've been given renewed permission and encouragement to wonder aloud.
And I wonder if this sort of thing is what God was referring to in The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena, [describing perfected souls living in an imperfect world]. They would "be content to endure anything for My Name's sake; and when an injury is done to someone else, they endure it with compassion for their injured neighbor, and without murmuring against him who caused the injury...
That which thou dost not see thou shouldst not judge in thy mind, even though it may be externally open to mortal sin..."
If you've stayed with me til now, and are up in arms, please know that I am not defending the shooter. I'm just remembering that bit about environment, and life that flourishes or dies because of it. And I'm also remembering that God, Author and Distributor of Justice and Mercy, has something to say. And maybe He's already said it.
Showing posts with label Dialogue with Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dialogue with Jesus. Show all posts
Sunday, March 4, 2018
Monday, February 25, 2013
15 Graces To Pray For
Today is my first day back after a 3-day silent retreat to participate in the Ignatian spiritual exercises. I have so much I want to share with you, but know I have to pick and choose the things that are good for you. Before I get carried away, let me very seriously encourage you to make one of these retreats in your lifetime. The sooner, the better. The more often, the better.
You cannot return the same after spending a weekend conversing with Jesus Christ.
These retreats come around twice a year in these parts. Next year, mine will be February 13 - 16 in Castroville, TX. Put it on your calendar if you live less than two states away!
I attended this same retreat last year and it was the impetus for starting this blog. If you haven't read my very first few posts, it will give you the necessary background for understanding my motivation every time I write. In a nutshell, last year I was completely convicted of God's love for me, and the pain it causes Him when we fail to trust Him. I felt very compelled to do something to love Him back, and encourage others to do the same.
This year, I was reminded of His love for me (my conviction from last year remains), His generosity, His patience, and His mercy. I had many personal lights and wrote my program of life, which is basically a plan that identifies the major area of sin in your life, how it manifests itself, the opposing virtue, and specific measures to practice that virtue.
It is very personal, and every person's looks different. I am not opposed to sharing mine with you, but am going to wait for that inspiration, as I'm not yet sure if it would be helpful to you.
However, I know something that will be helpful to you. For each of the 15 meditations, we were encouraged to ask for a specific fruit or grace. I want to invite you to ask for the same graces and encourage you to incorporate them into your prayer life.
In Apostolate for Holy Motherhood, Christ says, "Ask of Me all that is good for thee spiritually, and it will be granted thee..."
Lord, please grant me the grace...
1.) Of detachment of all that is not You nor leads me to You.
2.) To seek You alone.
3.) To know the malice of sin, so I may despise it in my own life.
4.) To be ready for death at any moment.
5.) To be a disciple that is called to Christ's right hand at the final judgment.
6.) To be meek and humble of heart.
7.) To imitate You in simplicity.
8.) For a deeper desire to follow You.
9.) For the grace to experience the depth of the Mass.
10.) To know You as a person.
11.) To accompany You in Your suffering.
12.) To be as faithful a friend to You as You are to me.
13.) To ardently desire Heaven.
14.) To be an apostle, who with You, can do all things.
15.) To use well the gifts You have given me, especially my intelligence and free will.
Thank you for hearing me. I love You. Make me love You more and more. Amen.
You cannot return the same after spending a weekend conversing with Jesus Christ.
These retreats come around twice a year in these parts. Next year, mine will be February 13 - 16 in Castroville, TX. Put it on your calendar if you live less than two states away!
I attended this same retreat last year and it was the impetus for starting this blog. If you haven't read my very first few posts, it will give you the necessary background for understanding my motivation every time I write. In a nutshell, last year I was completely convicted of God's love for me, and the pain it causes Him when we fail to trust Him. I felt very compelled to do something to love Him back, and encourage others to do the same.
This year, I was reminded of His love for me (my conviction from last year remains), His generosity, His patience, and His mercy. I had many personal lights and wrote my program of life, which is basically a plan that identifies the major area of sin in your life, how it manifests itself, the opposing virtue, and specific measures to practice that virtue.
It is very personal, and every person's looks different. I am not opposed to sharing mine with you, but am going to wait for that inspiration, as I'm not yet sure if it would be helpful to you.
However, I know something that will be helpful to you. For each of the 15 meditations, we were encouraged to ask for a specific fruit or grace. I want to invite you to ask for the same graces and encourage you to incorporate them into your prayer life.
In Apostolate for Holy Motherhood, Christ says, "Ask of Me all that is good for thee spiritually, and it will be granted thee..."
Lord, please grant me the grace...
1.) Of detachment of all that is not You nor leads me to You.
2.) To seek You alone.
3.) To know the malice of sin, so I may despise it in my own life.
4.) To be ready for death at any moment.
5.) To be a disciple that is called to Christ's right hand at the final judgment.
6.) To be meek and humble of heart.
7.) To imitate You in simplicity.
8.) For a deeper desire to follow You.
9.) For the grace to experience the depth of the Mass.
10.) To know You as a person.
11.) To accompany You in Your suffering.
12.) To be as faithful a friend to You as You are to me.
13.) To ardently desire Heaven.
14.) To be an apostle, who with You, can do all things.
15.) To use well the gifts You have given me, especially my intelligence and free will.
Thank you for hearing me. I love You. Make me love You more and more. Amen.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
What To Bury in A New Year
Happy New Year! There's nothing like an official fresh start. It's true that every moment of every day offers the same opportunity to begin again, but sometimes the obvious helps us observe the reality.
Normally, I feel very reflective this time of year and already have a list of things I want to improve or change. So far, the list is short:
1. Exercise (Still trying to figure out the plan here, as I cancelled my gym membership a few months ago. It required me to drag my 3-year-old out of the house every day of the week, which just isn't fair). I also tried putting my tennis shoes on and walking out of the house with a jump rope in my hand, as I saw my boys off to school. That worked for awhile... Probably need to be praying for the desire on this one, because right now, I have none.
2. Make it to daily Mass once a week.
3. Re-eliminate soda. Stick to water and coffee.
4. Make a menu and use it - avoid the "make dinner with whatever is on hand" scenario.
One of my favorite garage sale book finds of the year, God Calling, is a little red hardbound book, written anonymously by two old, poor, suffering women, to whom God revealed Himself. They recorded His words to them, in a daily meditation format. Today's is entitled Between the Years:
~Our Lord and our God. We joy in Thee. Without Thy Help we could not face unafraid the year before us.~
I stand between the years. The Light of My Presence is flung across the year to come-the radiance of the Sun of Righteousness. Backward, over the past year, is My Shadow thrown, hiding trouble and sorrow and disappointment.
Dwell not on the past-only on the present. Only use the past as the trees use My Sunlight to absorb it, to make from it in after days the warming fire-rays. So store only the blessings from Me, the Light of the World. Encourage yourselves by the thought of these.
Bury every fear of the future, of poverty for those dear to you, of suffering, of loss. Bury all thought of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes, your resentments, your sense of failure, your disappointment in others and in yourselves, your gloom, your despondency, and let us leave them all, buried, and go forward to a new and risen life.
Remember that you must not see as the world sees. I hold the year in My Hands-in trust for you. But I shall guide you one day at a time.
Leave the rest with Me. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead.
And for each day I shall supply the wisdom and the strength.
Dear God, Thank you for a new day, a new year, and keeping us safe through the night. Please help me to do everything you command here. Help me to remain in "today". I leave tomorrow to You. Please give me the courage, desire, strength, and love to do Your will. I love You. Amen.
Normally, I feel very reflective this time of year and already have a list of things I want to improve or change. So far, the list is short:
1. Exercise (Still trying to figure out the plan here, as I cancelled my gym membership a few months ago. It required me to drag my 3-year-old out of the house every day of the week, which just isn't fair). I also tried putting my tennis shoes on and walking out of the house with a jump rope in my hand, as I saw my boys off to school. That worked for awhile... Probably need to be praying for the desire on this one, because right now, I have none.
2. Make it to daily Mass once a week.
3. Re-eliminate soda. Stick to water and coffee.
4. Make a menu and use it - avoid the "make dinner with whatever is on hand" scenario.
One of my favorite garage sale book finds of the year, God Calling, is a little red hardbound book, written anonymously by two old, poor, suffering women, to whom God revealed Himself. They recorded His words to them, in a daily meditation format. Today's is entitled Between the Years:
~Our Lord and our God. We joy in Thee. Without Thy Help we could not face unafraid the year before us.~
I stand between the years. The Light of My Presence is flung across the year to come-the radiance of the Sun of Righteousness. Backward, over the past year, is My Shadow thrown, hiding trouble and sorrow and disappointment.
Dwell not on the past-only on the present. Only use the past as the trees use My Sunlight to absorb it, to make from it in after days the warming fire-rays. So store only the blessings from Me, the Light of the World. Encourage yourselves by the thought of these.
Bury every fear of the future, of poverty for those dear to you, of suffering, of loss. Bury all thought of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes, your resentments, your sense of failure, your disappointment in others and in yourselves, your gloom, your despondency, and let us leave them all, buried, and go forward to a new and risen life.
Remember that you must not see as the world sees. I hold the year in My Hands-in trust for you. But I shall guide you one day at a time.
Leave the rest with Me. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead.
And for each day I shall supply the wisdom and the strength.
Dear God, Thank you for a new day, a new year, and keeping us safe through the night. Please help me to do everything you command here. Help me to remain in "today". I leave tomorrow to You. Please give me the courage, desire, strength, and love to do Your will. I love You. Amen.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Fan to Follower
I hope you're easing into your Saturday like I am. I wanted to share today's Magnificat meditation with you. It sums up what I am trying to do with this blog..."transforming every event into an opportunity for genuine dialogue," with God. Hopefully, I am doing that and helping you do the same. I would be thrilled to know if my dialogue with God has encouraged you in your own!
We must also nourish this deep desire to meet God so that when the opportunity presents itself, we can take hold of it, and transform every event into an opportunity for genuine dialogue. But the real obstacle to a life of prayer arises from an inordinate love; the Love of self...
In our relationship with Christ, however, each of us must resolve one great problem: to pass from the abstract level to the personal one, that is, to put aside the kind of relationship that consists largely of ideas one has about Christ and to come to a direct encounter. The same transition points are found in the life of prayer as in any friendship. There is a time when we are still not completely sure of the other person, when we are uncertain as to whether he will think or react like us. Then the moment comes when we are assured of the other person, and every exchange is founded on a personal relationship. Every event and even apparent differences are accepted without fear, since the reciprocity involved is one truly based on love. We love someone else because he loves us. What sustains and activates dialogue is this response, it is the fact that the other person is happy to love us. Therefore, the value of every method of prayer will depend primarily not on the number of abstract ideas it can give rise to, or on any other consideration, but on this fundamental question: Is it a help or a hindrance to the development of an authentic dialogue with Christ?
-Fr. Bernard Bro
Dear God, Thank you for Saturdays and freedom of speech. Thank you for letting me share my faith in You and love for You, without fear. Please let me be a tool in Your hands, so that people may know Your love and You may know theirs. Please help those who want to know You better, but are stuck. Help us to be a people that You can delight in. Amen.
We must also nourish this deep desire to meet God so that when the opportunity presents itself, we can take hold of it, and transform every event into an opportunity for genuine dialogue. But the real obstacle to a life of prayer arises from an inordinate love; the Love of self...
In our relationship with Christ, however, each of us must resolve one great problem: to pass from the abstract level to the personal one, that is, to put aside the kind of relationship that consists largely of ideas one has about Christ and to come to a direct encounter. The same transition points are found in the life of prayer as in any friendship. There is a time when we are still not completely sure of the other person, when we are uncertain as to whether he will think or react like us. Then the moment comes when we are assured of the other person, and every exchange is founded on a personal relationship. Every event and even apparent differences are accepted without fear, since the reciprocity involved is one truly based on love. We love someone else because he loves us. What sustains and activates dialogue is this response, it is the fact that the other person is happy to love us. Therefore, the value of every method of prayer will depend primarily not on the number of abstract ideas it can give rise to, or on any other consideration, but on this fundamental question: Is it a help or a hindrance to the development of an authentic dialogue with Christ?
-Fr. Bernard Bro
Dear God, Thank you for Saturdays and freedom of speech. Thank you for letting me share my faith in You and love for You, without fear. Please let me be a tool in Your hands, so that people may know Your love and You may know theirs. Please help those who want to know You better, but are stuck. Help us to be a people that You can delight in. Amen.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Conversation with Christ
February 25, 2012 - In the Adoration Chapel for the last time on retreat
Me - Jesus, I don't want to leave. I want to stay with You.
Jesus - You can stay with Me, but you cannot stay here. Take Me with you, everywhere and in all things. Your conversations, your car rides. Everywhere you are, I AM. I love you. Remain with Me. Take Me to your children, your husband. Take Me to the women of your parish. Take Me to your friends who are unbelievers. Take Me to your family. People need Me. You can bring them to Me. I need you to do this for Me.
Me - Yes, Lord. I will do as You ask. Show me the way. I love You and never want to be separated from You.
Jesus - I know.
Me - Jesus, I don't want to leave. I want to stay with You.
Jesus - You can stay with Me, but you cannot stay here. Take Me with you, everywhere and in all things. Your conversations, your car rides. Everywhere you are, I AM. I love you. Remain with Me. Take Me to your children, your husband. Take Me to the women of your parish. Take Me to your friends who are unbelievers. Take Me to your family. People need Me. You can bring them to Me. I need you to do this for Me.
Me - Yes, Lord. I will do as You ask. Show me the way. I love You and never want to be separated from You.
Jesus - I know.
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