Confrontation for Christ

I've been praying for the courage to be bold for Christ for two years now.  Today, I got some. 

My husband had to work today, so I was at Mass with my three boys.  One section over, slightly in front of where we were sitting, were two beautiful, college-aged girls.  The beautiful girls were wearing shirts that left their backs and shoulders completely exposed, animal-print bra showing, and at best, a skirt that landed mid-thigh.

I was shocked at their lack of discretion, but also remembered being ignorant of affecting others with my clothing choices in my youth.  I found them to be a continual distraction through Mass, and felt more and more certain that I was being called to "fraternally correct" these girls.  So, after receiving communion, I wrote them a little note that went something like this:

Beautiful Girls,

When I was your age, I did not know that bare skin was a distraction and obstacle for men.  (I wish someone had told me).  In an effort to help them praise and worship their God, please consider dressing more consciously for Mass.

I only communicate this for love of God, your beautiful selves, and the Body of Christ.

Thank you for your consideration. (end)

I exited my pew and handed it to one of the girls in the aisle, saying "Here's something for your consideration."  She looked at me suspiciously, and I walked away. 

I felt nervous, but was pretty sure I had done the right thing by all.  Until they caught up with me in the parking lot as I was getting into my car (they were already in theirs).  Then, they let me have it.  Their comments went something like...

"So, you had to write it down;  You couldn't tell us to our face?  You must not have been paying attention in Mass if you were writing.  You were too busy judging us.  Some women can't wear whatever they want.  We can wear whatever we want.  This is why some people don't even come to Mass.  You are the only one who had a problem with it.  No one else said anything..." 

I listened patiently (although I was shaking inside).  I tried to explain that I thought they were beautiful, but that the men had to work twice as hard to pray and worship because of the distraction.  They told me how fake I was being.  So, I walked away, and they peeled out of the parking lot. 

Yuck. 

Suddenly, I wasn't feeling so confident in my decision.

My boys were already in the car and privy to all that transpired.  "Mom, were those girls being mean to you?!"  I said "Yes.  I wrote them a note encouraging them to dress more respectfully when they come to God's house, and that made them mad."

I was expecting a chorus of disapproval because my boys hate confrontation (like me!).  But, my oldest said, "Mom, I think God would be very happy for what you did."  Whoa.  He took my breath away.  This is the kid who finds fault with almost everything I do, so the weight of his timely compliment was tremendous.  I was and am extremely grateful, and made sure to let him know.

I was aching for some reassurance, but am really trying to lean on God alone this Lenten season, so I said a little prayer.  "Lord, I really want to share this with somebody, but I want to trust in You more.  So, if you want me to talk to someone about it, please have them call me." 

Crickets.  That's what I was afraid of. 

Fortunately, we had a wonderful afternoon at a friend's house, celebrating her baby girl's baptism, and I was able to keep mum on the whole thing.  I did share with my husband when we got home, and he said he was proud of his "soldier".  I thought he was going to be embarrassed, but instead just laughed that I pulled the "When I was your age" card.  So, I'm feeling better about it as the night winds down, but might reconsider praying for courage tomorrow. ;)

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for another gorgeous day, for new souls added to the Christian family, for great-grandmothers who have 10 children, 29 grandchildren, and their wits.  Thank you for the example of the Christian families who are open to life.  Thank you for the Eucharist and the priests who make celebrating Mass and receiving You possible.  Thank you for answering our prayers.

Lord, please bless those beautiful girls and all who are tempted to use their God-given beauty to draw others to themselves.  Please convict them of Your love, and grant them wisdom, prudence, and modesty.  Please help them overlook my faults, so that they may know the good that You intend for them.

Lord, I hope I pleased You today, as I made three people very uncomfortable.  Lord, please continue to give me the courage to act for You, and out of love for my brothers and sisters.  I believe it is true that you call us to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.  Please grant me wisdom and charity, Lord.  I never want to be a stumbling block for those who are seeking You.  Please help me to rest in Your opinion, alone.  Amen.  

Gossip and Correction

Most of us are a little uncomfortable correcting one another.  This topic comes up a lot, because we're confused about the right course of action.  Until now.  I attended a Morning of Reflection two weeks ago; Gossip 2.0 - Fraternal Correction was the topic.  Fr. Michael Sullivan, LC deftly led us through this touchy subject.  Following are my notes from that morning, based on Fr. Michael's presentation, which he compiled based on St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa:

Matthew 18:15-17

If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.  If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.  If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that 'every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.'  If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church.  If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.

~  Fraternal correction is the antidote to gossip

~Gripes should always go up the chain of command, not down.

~How do you correct a brother/sister?  Fraternal correction is charitable.  Sin is harmful to the sinner and conducive to harming others.  The first goal is improvement of the sinner by driving out evil to procure good (protection from himself).  The second goal is to safeguard justice for the common good.

Note:  Negative precepts DO NOT have exceptions.  ie.  Thou shall not kill, Thou shall not commit adultery, etc..  For any act: consider the object, circumstance, and purpose.  If any part is wrong, it is ALL wrong.

~Can one sinner correct another?  Yes!  Sin doesn't deprive us of all right judgment.

~When we have to find fault with anyone, consider if you have also committed the same sin and that we are all weak.

~Should you correct a person who will become worse for the correction?  No!  If the person will not heed warning, omit the correction.  It is no longer a good.

~Secret correction should always precede public correction.

~Practice prudence:
1.  Counsel - Seek advice from the wise.
2.  Judgment - Make the call.
3.  Action - Do it.

~Speak of someone as if they were present.

~Believe all the good you hear, and only the evil you see.

~Avoid being triangulated.  Take yourself out of the position of authority if two friends are using you as a referee or mediator.

~All truths do not have to be communicated in all circumstances.

~Be wary of neglect and micro-management.

~When we correct peer to peer, it is charity.  When correction takes place from the top down, it is justice.  (end of notes)

I hope this helps you.  It was a great morning, and clarified many things for me.  Feel free to ask questions in the comments section, if you need further clarification.  We covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time, so I hope my notes are sufficient. 

A few other quotes on gossip to keep in mind the damaging potential of this easy-to-engage-in sin:

The slanderer commits three murders:  his own soul, the soul of he who listens, and civil death to the object of his slander.  When you hear evil of anyone, cast any doubt you can.  If that is impossible, make any available excuse for the culprit.  If not possible, be pitiful and compassionate, and remind those you are speaking to, that such as stand upright do so solely with God's grace.  Do your best to kindly check the scandal bearer, and if you know anything favorable to the person criticized, take pains to mention it.  - Introduction to the Devout Life, St. Francis de Sales

When I want to speak, let me think first.  Is it kind?  Is it true?  Is it necessary?  If not, let it be left unsaid.  -Babcock

Let thy words be few.  -Ecclesiastes 5:2

A good test for conversation:  If you wouldn't write it and sign your name to it, don't say it.

Dear Heavenly Father,  Thank you for this beautiful day.  Thank you for giving us many helps when we try to apply Your Word to our lives.  Please grant us wisdom and prudence when we see our brother sinning or are privy to gossip.  Lord, we do not want to be an obstacle for anyone in their walk with You.  Help us to act out of love, pure intention, and humility.  Amen.