Plug Your Ears

I didn't get up early for my prayer time this morning, so I sat down to pray after I got the big boys off to school.  I realized I was just going through the motions, and that the noise coming from the TV in the other room was "helping" me go through the motions.  In hindsight, I could have asked my son to turn the TV down, but I didn't think of that, so I just plugged my ears. 

Instant transformation. 

I could hear the air going into my lungs and immediately remembered the quietude I dwelled in during my 3-day-silent retreat.   A silence where I "heard" God speaking throughout.  Not with an audible voice, but rather a movement of my heart - an inspiration, conviction, or idea, accompanied with the energy that comes with "I have a great idea!", and palpable peace. 

Daily, I create silence in my home or my car, but often find my brain to be very noisy with to-do lists, menus, and whatever activity is on tap for the day.  Prolonged silence is the best way for me be quiet enough to listen well.  Unfortunately, that only happens once a year for this lady.  Otherwise, I get an hour of quiet in Adoration every week, but that, too, is such a short time.  I want more.

I'm going to try to remember this "power" silence method.  I think plugging your ears, and listening to the sound of your own inhalation and exhalation, is the best reminder that the most important things in life are not seen nor heard.  Without the unconscious silent breath, we cease to live.  Without our silent and unseen souls, we become zombies.  Without the "silent sound" or "still, small voice" of God, we are lost. 

"Then the Lord said:  Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord - the Lord will pass by.  There was a strong and violent wind rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the Lord - but the Lord was not in the wind; after the wind, an earthquake - but the Lord was not in the earthquake; after the earthquake, fire - but the Lord was not in the fire; after the fire, a light silent sound*. 

When he heart this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.  A voice said to him, Why are you here, Elijah?" I Kings 19: 11-12 (NAB)

*also translated as a still, small voice and tiny, whispering sound

This is the final week of Lent, and the week of our Lord's Passion, Death, and Resurrection.  I feel like I usually do this time of year, which is, I haven't been a good enough companion to Him during this "desert time".  I want to keep in step with Him between today and Friday, when He takes His final step to lay down on the Cross.  If you see me this week, and I'm plugging my ears, you'll know why -- I'm trying to listen to Him.

Dear Jesus,  Thank you for giving Your life for me.  Please forgive me for perpetually abandoning You.  I want to accompany You during this Holy Week.  I want to remember You at all times.  Please help me to remember the importance of silence in my relationship with You.  Help me to hear You when You have something to say.  I don't want to miss it.  I want to return love for love.  I know You have not and cannot fail me, please give me the grace not to fail You.  I love You.  Amen. 

Where is Jesus?!

March 28, 2012 - Adoration Chapel

Jesus is covered with a purple cloth.  I am so thankful He is present in the Host!  It grieves me to not be able to see Him, but only see where His head is hanging forward under that cloth. 

Oh, Jesus!  How awful were those hours after your death, before your resurrection?!  The world was hell - the world without You in it.  Maybe the only thing that kept it from being hell was Your mother and the love You had for each other. 

If You died at 3pm on Good Friday and rose, let's say at 6am on Sunday, the world was at a loss for 33 hours?!  You were 33 when You died!  Were You dead for one hour for each year of Your life?!  What time did You leave the tomb, Lord? 

How did it feel to all of the people who read Scripture, who spent their entire lives awaiting the Messiah, when they realized they just murdered Him?!  How can you kill the man who is going to save your life?!  How do you feel after that has happened?

Lord, I wonder if Your generosity turns us away.  You are always available to us.  We know that, so we come seldom.  If You deprived us from time to time, we would probably walk for miles and climb mountains to get to You.  To receive You.  To gaze upon You in the form of bread or hanging on the Cross.  How depraved are we?!!  The greater Your availability and Mercy, the less we acknowledge You, or receive it, or long for it.

Lord, please never let me fall into this lukewarm pit.  I have a great fire burning for You.  I have zeal for You because You put it there.  All I did, was let You in. 

Please channel this fire.  I am already Yours.  Here I am, Lord.  Where do You want me to bring Your fire?!  You don't need me, but You've got me!  Use me!

I want to console You!  I want to please You!  I want to make You smile!  I want to contribute to Your joy!  Please show me how. 

(After a time in silent prayer, it came to me) - My goal is to engage people spiritually...To ask questions, so we can live the questions, so we can become active in our thoughts about Jesus and pursue loving Him more.

"Holy meditation should be your chief occupation; to speak with God should be your foremost office.  Whatever you see or hear should elevate you to God."
-Blessed Henry Suso

Jesus is 2 doors down

February 24th, 2012 (Still on retreat)

Ah!  Will I always underestimate our Lord?!  I just finished Confession and am sitting in the Adoration chapel.  I just tore to shreds the lime green sticky note recording the sins I've been accumulating since my last Confession.  They are in pieces at the bottom of a tiny trash can in the room with my precious Savior.  They have lost their power.  If I died in this moment, I would fly straight to Heaven!  "This day you will be with Me in Paradise."  What grace!  What love!  What compassion!  What mercy! 

What if Jesus was always physically present 2 rooms away from where I was?  Like here, at Moye Retreat Center?

He is!  He is!  He is!  Go through the room of the mind and He is in the next room!  The room of my soul!  I don't need to look any farther than that.  Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ!