Okay. Here's the deal. We are keeping my friend's dog (which was actually our dog that we pawned off on her a few years ago). We are on Day 5, and I'm not sure how many more days are left. She went out of state for her Dad's funeral, and wasn't sure when she would return.
But, before I elaborate on how her dog is going to take (at least) me to Heaven's gates, I need to explain the basis for how these things work, in case you didn't know, or need a refresher.
My son is making his First Communion this year, so yesterday, I spoke to the kiddos and their parents on this very subject, as they prepare to make their first Confession.
If you're not Catholic, this is our belief in a nutshell:
1. Jesus redeemed us from our sins by His death on the Cross. (We are Christians, after all).
2. When we are sorry for our sins, He forgives us and heals us in the Sacrament of Penance (Also called Reconciliation or Confession).
3. Out of gratitude and love for God, we make an effort to make up for our sins, or to do "penance". Christ redeemed us, but gives us the gift of participating with him in our redemption, and that of others. If we have "broken" things, or people, or relationships, they still need mending, even after we have been forgiven for "breaking" them in the first place.
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, there are at least eight ways to do penance. They are:
1. Prayer
2. Works of charity
3. Service to neighbor
4. Offering
5. Acts of self-denial
6. Acceptance of our cross
7. Sacrifice
8. Works of mercy
So, basically anything (by our intention) can be penance, or means to repair our relationship with God and others. And not only repair it, but improve it beyond what is was before we messed it up. We do this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. And, as long as we keep trying, through the mercy of God, and Jesus' death on the cross, we hope for Heaven. We do our little (necessary only because God knows we need it) part, to cooperate with the big and very necessary part of Christ redeeming us. He is the one thing necessary.
Back to the dog...The potential spiritual gift this dog is to us this week is incomprehensible. She is 8 penances wrapped in one! 8 in 1. With Christmas around the corner, I can't even imagine what you'd have to pay for the equivalent in the material world. Who could put a price on a
Bo-Flex/Swiffer/Flobie/Noiseless Insect Repellant/Clap-on Lamp/Ab Roller/iBot/Boze Sound Wave machine?!
Let me describe life with Piper, so you can better appreciate what an 8-in-1 penance "Super Buy" looks like:
*She is BIG. Well over 100 pounds. Considerably more than any of my kids. Maybe more than me. She could flatten my 4-year-old, if he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And it would be terrible to look like a pancake to a dog who loves to eat.
*She stinks. Think wet dog, dirt, and pee. In all fairness, my friend gave her a bath less than a week ago, but it has worn off.
*She is a LOVER. L.O.V.E.R. Love...Lover...Love-est. Scratch lover. She is a LOVE-EST. She wants to be in constant contact. Her butt to your kneecap is FINE with her. She is not at all picky about where or how. If you are walking and accidentally look at her, she'll throw herself down in your projected path and roll over, waiting for any effort you can part with.
*She talks. Growls, really, but in a friendly, I-love-you, pay-attention-to-me, way. Only, if you don't engage her, she gets louder and more insistent, and pretty soon, she is plain rude. Especially when I'm making dinner. And I end up thinking, "You're not my boss!", and then I start feeling a little nutty that I have self-talk about a dog not being my boss.
*She's a little incontinent. Every time she takes a little step, a little pee comes out. I wonder if my friend even notices this, because she only comes in at night at her house, and then she sleeps in one contained room at the end of the house. However, it is cold and rainy, and as much as I want to, I can't leave her outside the whole time! Unfortunately, one of the reasons we bought and love our house is that it is so open. No unoccupied, uncarpeted rooms with a door, here. Wait a minute! I just realized she could stay in the bathroom! Ha! Oh, the irony. At any rate, my husband and I are mopping up more pee than when we were potty training our two-year-olds.
*She seems to think the trash can is a store where she can afford everything and has a tab, so she just helps herself. A cloth napkin, a pencil, some foil, and the bones from a chicken breast were a few of her selections today. The trash can is sleeping on the kitchen counter tonight. Hopefully, she's not feeling that ambitious.
*The final thing is that we've been adopted by a cat in the last month or so. You know how it goes, you can't get your hands on it at first, and then it's sleeping in your bed. On your face. Well, this kitty is much loved and adored around here, and you probably guessed it...Piper isn't big on cats. She corners and chases them. There's only been one showdown so far, but there's plenty of tension at play while kitty sharpens her ninja and spy skills.
So, when I say I am riding a dog to Heaven. I mean, Piper. And this is how Piper is "getting me to Heaven", as my penance:
1. I pray. I pray to God that my friend comes back SOON. I pray that I don't do anything I'll regret. I pray that I don't end up in the "loony bin". I pray that my children will still speak to me when they see that I can stoop even lower than they ever thought possible before.
2. Act of charity. I knew keeping Piper would be hard. We already have a very good, very sweet, very stinky, very hairy dog. I said "yes" anyway, for love of my friend, who has experienced more tragedy in the last month than hopefully, any of us will in our lifetime.
3. Service to Neighbor. Yep.
4. Offering my actions. I should be offering every time I pet her, and every time I have to wash my hands right afterward, for those who can't get to the sink on their own, for my friend, or for all of the people who work as hard as Piper does to be loved, without ever being noticed. I'll do better in the offering department. Right now, I offer this blog for all of those intentions, and for you.
5. Act of self-denial. She's still alive and she's still in my house. That's two.
6. Acceptance of our cross. In this case, I'm working on it. This post has been the perfect therapy. I mean, tool.
7. Sacrifice. Check.
8. Work of mercy. See number two.
Dear God, Father and Creator of all that is good and all that makes us good, Thank you for Piper. Thank you for my friend who took her off of our hands years ago. Thank you for the way she has bonded our family in so many ways, particularly in appreciation of the dog we already have. Thank you for Your Mercy, Your greatest attribute. Thank you for Confession, and all priests who make it possible.
Father, please "expiate all the sins I have committed this day and during all my life. Purify the good I have done poorly this day and during all my life. Supply for the good I ought to have done, and that I have neglected this day and all my life."
Thank you for opportunities to reflect on the ways you allow us to participate in Your Saving Work. You know we need to show You how much we love You. Thank you for giving us things we can do to prove our love. Lord, please be with my friend, and all who are suffering the loss of those who were, and are, dearest to them. Console them as only You can, and help us to follow Your inspirations when it's our turn. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Practice Makes Perfect
Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. He had to work in Austin, so I drove to meet him. We spent 24 kid-free hours just being. We ate, drove around his old stomping grounds, walked around what used to be Lake Travis, ate some more, and enjoyed the pauses in between. We had grand visions of staying up late, listening to live music, and walking around downtown, but happily pursued Plan B of retiring early after filling our bellies at The County Line. As we grow old together, we're learning that we're happiest when we don't have anywhere to be.
Our time together was much-needed and overdue. We've been like two ships passing in the night for longer than anyone would recommend. No surprise, really with work, little boys, and all of the other things that overtake our calendar. But, the marriage fleet needs to dock once in a while, to remember why we're working together in the first place, dust off the vision, and re-energize about future voyages.
I think I could live off of this past 24-hours for another couple of weeks (but, please don't tell my husband). If you've read the Five Love Languages, I'm a "quality timer", so my love tank is Full. Ahhhhhhh.
On our way back home, I was thinking about love and marriage, and what that looks like when we get to Heaven. Today's Gospel (Lk 20:27-38) says "those who are deemed worthy to attain to the coming age and to the resurrection of the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage. They can no longer die, for they are like angels: and they are the children of God because they are ones who will rise."
I don't really like the way this sounds, because it seems like marriage only has temporary value. Temporary value is well and good, but it seems like it falls dramatically short of what God intended and like we dreamed the idea up for ourselves. A lifetime of monogamy and child-rearing? Really? This afternoon, I sat down with my head full of questions and uncertainty about reality and what's important in it. I tried to journal, but only wrote one sentence and picked up The Fulfillment of All Desire by Ralph Martin, instead. On page 57 it reads:
The union with and love of God that begin in this life and grow as the spiritual journey progresses will be gloriously manifested and perfected in heaven. But so also will the union and love that we have had with one another in this life be gloriously manifested and perfected in heaven. The Father tells Catherine (of Siena) that the particular relationships we had on earth, insofar as they were in the Lord, will actually increase in depth of intimacy and love in heaven. Friendships and marriages that were lived in and with Jesus will be "saved" and indeed prove to be a love that is truly "forever". The time for biological procreation will have come to an end-our bodies now transformed in glory, made ready for an eternity of celebration-but, the love, in Christ, that was built up in true Christian relationships will last forever. We will not only know and recognize one another in heaven, but know and love each other even more!
That's better.
So, we're not still "married" in heaven, but the love is still there. Our spouses and children don't suddenly become strangers. Thank goodness! Can you imagine?! We love them even more, and everyone else besides. Love is great here, but it is not perfect. It is perfected in heaven. It is no wonder I can't understand it. It is beyond me. But, that's why I'm here. And that's probably why you're here, too. We're here to practice loving. Because practice makes perfect.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for my husband of 11 years and for the first day of our 12th year of marriage. Thank you for time away to remember why we got married in the first place. Thank you for the blessings of our children and the protection you offer a wife and mother, by the very nature of her life. Please bless all who are married. Purify and perfect our love. Give us the grace to put ourselves second, so that we may imitate Your Son, who asked "What is the most I can do to prove My love?" Thank You for All. I Love You. Amen.
Our time together was much-needed and overdue. We've been like two ships passing in the night for longer than anyone would recommend. No surprise, really with work, little boys, and all of the other things that overtake our calendar. But, the marriage fleet needs to dock once in a while, to remember why we're working together in the first place, dust off the vision, and re-energize about future voyages.
I think I could live off of this past 24-hours for another couple of weeks (but, please don't tell my husband). If you've read the Five Love Languages, I'm a "quality timer", so my love tank is Full. Ahhhhhhh.
On our way back home, I was thinking about love and marriage, and what that looks like when we get to Heaven. Today's Gospel (Lk 20:27-38) says "those who are deemed worthy to attain to the coming age and to the resurrection of the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage. They can no longer die, for they are like angels: and they are the children of God because they are ones who will rise."
I don't really like the way this sounds, because it seems like marriage only has temporary value. Temporary value is well and good, but it seems like it falls dramatically short of what God intended and like we dreamed the idea up for ourselves. A lifetime of monogamy and child-rearing? Really? This afternoon, I sat down with my head full of questions and uncertainty about reality and what's important in it. I tried to journal, but only wrote one sentence and picked up The Fulfillment of All Desire by Ralph Martin, instead. On page 57 it reads:
The union with and love of God that begin in this life and grow as the spiritual journey progresses will be gloriously manifested and perfected in heaven. But so also will the union and love that we have had with one another in this life be gloriously manifested and perfected in heaven. The Father tells Catherine (of Siena) that the particular relationships we had on earth, insofar as they were in the Lord, will actually increase in depth of intimacy and love in heaven. Friendships and marriages that were lived in and with Jesus will be "saved" and indeed prove to be a love that is truly "forever". The time for biological procreation will have come to an end-our bodies now transformed in glory, made ready for an eternity of celebration-but, the love, in Christ, that was built up in true Christian relationships will last forever. We will not only know and recognize one another in heaven, but know and love each other even more!
That's better.
So, we're not still "married" in heaven, but the love is still there. Our spouses and children don't suddenly become strangers. Thank goodness! Can you imagine?! We love them even more, and everyone else besides. Love is great here, but it is not perfect. It is perfected in heaven. It is no wonder I can't understand it. It is beyond me. But, that's why I'm here. And that's probably why you're here, too. We're here to practice loving. Because practice makes perfect.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for my husband of 11 years and for the first day of our 12th year of marriage. Thank you for time away to remember why we got married in the first place. Thank you for the blessings of our children and the protection you offer a wife and mother, by the very nature of her life. Please bless all who are married. Purify and perfect our love. Give us the grace to put ourselves second, so that we may imitate Your Son, who asked "What is the most I can do to prove My love?" Thank You for All. I Love You. Amen.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
"You Suck!"
I'm tucked safely in my bed on the 46th of 47 floors at a fancy hotel in Seattle. But, earlier today I was sitting on an airplane in Portland, OR waiting to refuel after a failed landing attempt in the incredibly dense Seattle fog. Prior to that, we sat on the tarmac in Dallas for two hours waiting for a hydrolic-pump-overheating-issue to be resolved.
So, after our failed attempt to land, and an uncomfortable while, the pilot finally came on to tell us what happened and what the plan was (to fly to the next city to refuel, because we didn't have enough fuel to circle back around).
Somebody seated a couple of seats behind me in the back of the plane yelled "You Suck!" to the pilot in the cockpit, a plane length and one room away.
The sweet lady sitting next to me joked about how we were going to be compensated for the delay. Drinks? Pretzels? Better chairs?
I was personally feeling very grateful and pretty sure that the pilot did what he had to do to keep us safe. I'm fairly confident that a four hour delay impacted his schedule the same as ours.
All of this drama got me to thinking about God and the crap we give Him. All He wants is for us to land safely (in Heaven). That is the most important thing. That is the only thing.
In order to save us, sometimes our plan has to be changed. We have to be "up in the air", longer than we planned. Or waiting, longer than we planned. Or whatever, longer than we planned. We have to suffer a little inconvenience for the sake of eternity. And yes, it is little. Everything is, compared with eternity.
The "You Suck!" admonition came loud and clear. It wasn't his anger that surprised me, but his total lack of gratitude.
And that's what makes or breaks us, forever. We have been given the gift of eternal life, through Jesus Christ, if we choose to accept it. It is impossible to accept this gift with ingratitude, because ingratitude toward the Giver is a rejection of the gift. If, in the end, we refuse The Gift and say "You Suck!" instead of "Thank You!", we must accept what we have chosen instead.
Thank you, God, for arriving safely in Seattle today. Thank you for our pilot and guardian angels who rarely get credit for their work. Please give me the grace to never reject the gift You've given in Your Son, even for a moment. Thank you for the little reminder about gratitude and the paramount importance it should have in the life of a Christian. Please bless the "You Suck!" guy. He needs an extra dose of Your Love and Gratitude, as we all do. I offer this post (and the effort it took to type this blog with my index finger on my phone) for his conversion. Thank you for my friend who is treating me to this adventurous weekend, and for my husband who agreed to it. Please bless this weekend, my family, and all who read what has been written here. Amen.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Craving Change and Loathing Transition
Human beings don't like change. Right? Wrong, according to Patrick Lencioni, business consultant and author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. According to Patrick, human beings crave change, but we don't like transitioning.
After watching a video by Patrick Lencioni about transition management, based on Bill Bridges' work, I want to share what I've learned. I really feel like knowing what the stages are in a transition, and what to expect at each stage, could highly transform how smoothly and victoriously we embrace change in our lives.
I am not currently in transition to or from anything, but I know a lot of people who are. They are in between jobs, have a child who is graduating from high school, preparing for a move, or adjusting to someone new living in their house. Change, and necessary transition, come in as many forms as there are people.
My hope is that if you are not in transition, this will prepare you for what's ahead. And, if you are in transition, that this outline will bring a new perspective. A new perspective that reinvigorates you and gives you hope, wherever you are in the process.
NOTES:
There are three stages to pass through when going from x to y:
1. Endings - Saying goodbye to the old.
a. Loss
b. Response to loss
c. Ceremony
2. Neutral zone - Not sure if the new way is better or if you're ever going to get there.
a. Need 2 Cs - Care and Concern
b. Need 4 Ps - Purpose, picture, plan, and part.
3. New Beginnings - just happen. Once here, you can't imagine life being any other way, and you wonder why it took so long to get here.
__________________________________________________
Endings
When we are in the "Endings" portion of transition, we are dealing with loss. All change brings about loss. Several people can experience the same event, but feel loss in different areas of their lives. The different areas we can experience loss are:
1. Structure
2. Control
3. Identity
4. Future - How we thought it would play out.
5. Meaning
6. Attachments to people
7. Turf
According to He Leadeth Me by Walter Ciscek and Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, nervous breakdowns happen because people don't realize they have a choice of how to respond to loss.
There are four possible responses to loss (the 4 Rs):
1. Restore what was lost.
Examples: Get lost job back, rebuild damaged house in same location, just as it was before).
2. Replace what was lost with something similar.
Examples: Get a similar job or similar house in a similar neighborhood. *This is what we usually do.
3. Redesign. Change the way we live. Choose something new.
Examples: Start your own business. Live in a different environment.
4. Relinquish. Give up an idea, plan, unrealistic goal, or pursuit.
Example: Give up the idea of being an Olympic runner.
Ceremony: To end the "Endings" phase of transition, we need ceremony. We need ceremony because when we don't let go of the past, we get stuck in it. Ceremony is how we make sure the past is left behind.
Examples: When Cortez's ships finally landed, he burned them. There was no going back! We have a wedding ceremony to indicate to all (especially ourselves) that we are no longer single! We need an external event to signify the internal change/shift.
Neutral Zone
When we enter into the neutral zone, we experience the greatest anxiety, fear, growth, and innovation. To maximize our productivity and progress, we need the 2 Cs (take care not to poo-poo these. Bad things happen if we don't get them!):
1. Care
2. Concern
If we don't get these 2 critical things during this time, one of three things will likely happen:
1. We will go back to the "old".
2. We will leave. Opt out.
3. We will quit and stay where we are.
In addition to the 2 Cs, we also need the 4 Ps:
1. Purpose: Remember why we're going through this difficult time.
2. Picture: Where we are headed. Why it's going to be better. What it's going to look like when we get there.
3. Plan: Lay out a bare minimum plan. Manageable chunks/steps to be taken to achieve goal.
4. Part: Play your part. If in a team setting, make sure all who are involved have an active role in being a part of the solution.
New Beginnings - Celebrate! You made it through the transition!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the rain and for safekeeping through the storm last night. Thank you for reminding us of Your power. If fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, as the Scriptures say, increase my fear of You. I would rather fear You too much, than underestimate You. But really, I want to love You more than I fear You, which I do. Thank you for opportunities to gather together with fellow believers, and learn more about the transitions that are inescapable in our lives. Help us to resist the lie that transition "shouldn't be this hard", so that we can accept it for what it is, and keep moving forward. Help us to remember that "This too, shall pass." Please bless all of those who are in transition. Especially those who are trying to say goodbye to something because it has been taken from them. Amen.
After watching a video by Patrick Lencioni about transition management, based on Bill Bridges' work, I want to share what I've learned. I really feel like knowing what the stages are in a transition, and what to expect at each stage, could highly transform how smoothly and victoriously we embrace change in our lives.
I am not currently in transition to or from anything, but I know a lot of people who are. They are in between jobs, have a child who is graduating from high school, preparing for a move, or adjusting to someone new living in their house. Change, and necessary transition, come in as many forms as there are people.
My hope is that if you are not in transition, this will prepare you for what's ahead. And, if you are in transition, that this outline will bring a new perspective. A new perspective that reinvigorates you and gives you hope, wherever you are in the process.
NOTES:
There are three stages to pass through when going from x to y:
1. Endings - Saying goodbye to the old.
a. Loss
b. Response to loss
c. Ceremony
2. Neutral zone - Not sure if the new way is better or if you're ever going to get there.
a. Need 2 Cs - Care and Concern
b. Need 4 Ps - Purpose, picture, plan, and part.
3. New Beginnings - just happen. Once here, you can't imagine life being any other way, and you wonder why it took so long to get here.
__________________________________________________
Endings
When we are in the "Endings" portion of transition, we are dealing with loss. All change brings about loss. Several people can experience the same event, but feel loss in different areas of their lives. The different areas we can experience loss are:
1. Structure
2. Control
3. Identity
4. Future - How we thought it would play out.
5. Meaning
6. Attachments to people
7. Turf
According to He Leadeth Me by Walter Ciscek and Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, nervous breakdowns happen because people don't realize they have a choice of how to respond to loss.
There are four possible responses to loss (the 4 Rs):
1. Restore what was lost.
Examples: Get lost job back, rebuild damaged house in same location, just as it was before).
2. Replace what was lost with something similar.
Examples: Get a similar job or similar house in a similar neighborhood. *This is what we usually do.
3. Redesign. Change the way we live. Choose something new.
Examples: Start your own business. Live in a different environment.
4. Relinquish. Give up an idea, plan, unrealistic goal, or pursuit.
Example: Give up the idea of being an Olympic runner.
Ceremony: To end the "Endings" phase of transition, we need ceremony. We need ceremony because when we don't let go of the past, we get stuck in it. Ceremony is how we make sure the past is left behind.
Examples: When Cortez's ships finally landed, he burned them. There was no going back! We have a wedding ceremony to indicate to all (especially ourselves) that we are no longer single! We need an external event to signify the internal change/shift.
Neutral Zone
When we enter into the neutral zone, we experience the greatest anxiety, fear, growth, and innovation. To maximize our productivity and progress, we need the 2 Cs (take care not to poo-poo these. Bad things happen if we don't get them!):
1. Care
2. Concern
If we don't get these 2 critical things during this time, one of three things will likely happen:
1. We will go back to the "old".
2. We will leave. Opt out.
3. We will quit and stay where we are.
In addition to the 2 Cs, we also need the 4 Ps:
1. Purpose: Remember why we're going through this difficult time.
2. Picture: Where we are headed. Why it's going to be better. What it's going to look like when we get there.
3. Plan: Lay out a bare minimum plan. Manageable chunks/steps to be taken to achieve goal.
4. Part: Play your part. If in a team setting, make sure all who are involved have an active role in being a part of the solution.
New Beginnings - Celebrate! You made it through the transition!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the rain and for safekeeping through the storm last night. Thank you for reminding us of Your power. If fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, as the Scriptures say, increase my fear of You. I would rather fear You too much, than underestimate You. But really, I want to love You more than I fear You, which I do. Thank you for opportunities to gather together with fellow believers, and learn more about the transitions that are inescapable in our lives. Help us to resist the lie that transition "shouldn't be this hard", so that we can accept it for what it is, and keep moving forward. Help us to remember that "This too, shall pass." Please bless all of those who are in transition. Especially those who are trying to say goodbye to something because it has been taken from them. Amen.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Top 10 List of God's Love for Me
I attended a morning of reflection on Friday morning, and was asked for my notes afterward by a couple of friends. I saw several women holding babies (which makes it difficult to take notes), knew several people who wanted to be there but couldn't, and know there are far more who can't come than who can, so this is for you. Following, are my notes based on Fr. Michael Sullivan's talk entitled Top 10 List of God's Love for Me. He has graciously given his permission and shorthand outline for the cause. It is not as visually tidy as I'd like. Apparently, blogger doesn't believe in the tab button, and the space bar forgets its job on the left margin. But, in spite of that, I hope to render justice to all that he covered, and that it will bless you as it blessed me.
You need to run in such a way so as to win. Win what? Two letters on the front of your name when you die. S and T. For me, it would look like this: St. Heidi. Here's hoping...
Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win. Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one. 1 Corinthians 9:24-25
1. God's love is needed.
Example: A knowing shepherd removes a grass seed imbedded in one of his sheep's eyes. It could not remove it on its own, nor could any of its fellow sheep.
2. God's love is defined.
Love is willing a good for another for their own sake. It is not a friendship of pleasure or utility, but of virtue. Christ loved us:
a. First.
b. Gratuitously (while we were still sinners).
c. In deed (by dying on the Cross).
3. God's love is gratuitous (undeserved, unmerited, and unearned) and reconciling.
Example: Many times God holds our hand and leads us by His grace. But, as with St. Paul, there are times we receive the fullness of God's grace in an instant. God meets us where we are, in whatever state of sinfulness we are in, and leads us out.
4. God's love is life-changing.
Example: St. Therese of Lisieux: On the stairwell of her home, after an encounter with her father which saddened her, St. Therese explains a definitive change within her, one she could not effect for herself, though she had tried for years. Her explanation of it was something like this, "I felt charity enter into my heart, the need to forget myself and to please others, and I have been happy ever since."
5. God's love is un-begrudging and forgetful.
Example: Peter. Peter denied knowing Jesus three times between His agony in the garden and His scourging at the pillar. He denied Him at a time when Jesus most needed a friend. Jesus was crucified, buried, and resurrected before they met again. The risen Christ simply asks Peter three times, "Do you love me? There were no harsh words spoken or explanation demanded. Only love.
6. God's love is unpredictable and uncontrollable.
Example: After a lifetime of praying for his father's conversion and reconciliation with God, Fr. Michael got a call that his father was ill. Their time together (40 days and 40 nights) began with Fr. Michael giving his father the Sacraments of Reconciliation, the Eucharist, and Anointing of the Sick, per his father's request.
7. God's love defines us.
Example: John - The Beloved Disciple.
*When you're all-powerful, you make stuff you like.
*Hell exists because of God's love - He loves our freedom as much as He loves us.
*When God stops thinking about you, you stop breathing.
8. God's love is shown in its effects.
It is obvious. If you know someone who has joy, peace, and compassion, they are probably "in relationship" with God, and experience His Love.
9. God's love is grown in.
The best way to grow is to look at your sins (But, only as a catapult to God's mercy!), and look at God's goodness.
*Think of your love for God as a flame on the wick of your soul. All flames are different heights. Venial sins do nothing to shorten the height of our flame, but they increase our threshold for sin. When our threshold for sin increases, we are more likely to commit a mortal sin, which extinguishes the flame. A hiking analogy: There is no harm in walking near the edge of a cliff. However, if you fall off, the question begs to be answered, "Why were you so close to the edge?"
10. God's love is vulnerable/delicate.
Our sin causes this. Example: God, as our friend, picks up the phone and calls us. The call goes something like this: God: "Hey! Do you want to come over and play today?!"
Us: "No. I don't want to come over and play today."
God: "Oh. Okay (disappointed). I'll call you again later."
*If we continually say "No" to God's call, our conscience dulls, and we stop hearing the phone ring.
Points to consider: Is there a façade, an unmet neediness, or addiction in my life that makes me unavailable to God or others?
What are ways in which I have been loved? List them... (Have an ample supply of paper)
Suggested Reading: The Voices of the Saints, Bert Ghezzi
Testimony of Hope, Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan
Simon, Son of John, Do You Love Me?, Encyclical by Pope Benedict XVI
Summa Theologica, St. Thomas Aquinas
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this GORGEOUS weather. Thank you for the gift of Yourself at Mass this morning. Thank you for the morning of reflection, and my Regnum Christi sisters who put it on. Thank you for Fr. Michael's availability, wisdom, and zeal for souls. Thank you for my friend, Janet, who gave a beautiful testimony of God's everlasting love, and the way she has experienced it in her life. Please bless all of the people who read this blog, and lead them closer to Yourself. And if that happens, thanks for letting me help! Amen.
You need to run in such a way so as to win. Win what? Two letters on the front of your name when you die. S and T. For me, it would look like this: St. Heidi. Here's hoping...
Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win. Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one. 1 Corinthians 9:24-25
1. God's love is needed.
Example: A knowing shepherd removes a grass seed imbedded in one of his sheep's eyes. It could not remove it on its own, nor could any of its fellow sheep.
2. God's love is defined.
Love is willing a good for another for their own sake. It is not a friendship of pleasure or utility, but of virtue. Christ loved us:
a. First.
b. Gratuitously (while we were still sinners).
c. In deed (by dying on the Cross).
3. God's love is gratuitous (undeserved, unmerited, and unearned) and reconciling.
Example: Many times God holds our hand and leads us by His grace. But, as with St. Paul, there are times we receive the fullness of God's grace in an instant. God meets us where we are, in whatever state of sinfulness we are in, and leads us out.
4. God's love is life-changing.
Example: St. Therese of Lisieux: On the stairwell of her home, after an encounter with her father which saddened her, St. Therese explains a definitive change within her, one she could not effect for herself, though she had tried for years. Her explanation of it was something like this, "I felt charity enter into my heart, the need to forget myself and to please others, and I have been happy ever since."
5. God's love is un-begrudging and forgetful.
Example: Peter. Peter denied knowing Jesus three times between His agony in the garden and His scourging at the pillar. He denied Him at a time when Jesus most needed a friend. Jesus was crucified, buried, and resurrected before they met again. The risen Christ simply asks Peter three times, "Do you love me? There were no harsh words spoken or explanation demanded. Only love.
6. God's love is unpredictable and uncontrollable.
Example: After a lifetime of praying for his father's conversion and reconciliation with God, Fr. Michael got a call that his father was ill. Their time together (40 days and 40 nights) began with Fr. Michael giving his father the Sacraments of Reconciliation, the Eucharist, and Anointing of the Sick, per his father's request.
7. God's love defines us.
Example: John - The Beloved Disciple.
*When you're all-powerful, you make stuff you like.
*Hell exists because of God's love - He loves our freedom as much as He loves us.
*When God stops thinking about you, you stop breathing.
8. God's love is shown in its effects.
It is obvious. If you know someone who has joy, peace, and compassion, they are probably "in relationship" with God, and experience His Love.
9. God's love is grown in.
The best way to grow is to look at your sins (But, only as a catapult to God's mercy!), and look at God's goodness.
*Think of your love for God as a flame on the wick of your soul. All flames are different heights. Venial sins do nothing to shorten the height of our flame, but they increase our threshold for sin. When our threshold for sin increases, we are more likely to commit a mortal sin, which extinguishes the flame. A hiking analogy: There is no harm in walking near the edge of a cliff. However, if you fall off, the question begs to be answered, "Why were you so close to the edge?"
10. God's love is vulnerable/delicate.
Our sin causes this. Example: God, as our friend, picks up the phone and calls us. The call goes something like this: God: "Hey! Do you want to come over and play today?!"
Us: "No. I don't want to come over and play today."
God: "Oh. Okay (disappointed). I'll call you again later."
*If we continually say "No" to God's call, our conscience dulls, and we stop hearing the phone ring.
Points to consider: Is there a façade, an unmet neediness, or addiction in my life that makes me unavailable to God or others?
What are ways in which I have been loved? List them... (Have an ample supply of paper)
Suggested Reading: The Voices of the Saints, Bert Ghezzi
Testimony of Hope, Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan
Simon, Son of John, Do You Love Me?, Encyclical by Pope Benedict XVI
Summa Theologica, St. Thomas Aquinas
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this GORGEOUS weather. Thank you for the gift of Yourself at Mass this morning. Thank you for the morning of reflection, and my Regnum Christi sisters who put it on. Thank you for Fr. Michael's availability, wisdom, and zeal for souls. Thank you for my friend, Janet, who gave a beautiful testimony of God's everlasting love, and the way she has experienced it in her life. Please bless all of the people who read this blog, and lead them closer to Yourself. And if that happens, thanks for letting me help! Amen.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Four Motherless Children
Disclaimer: I am not a perfect mother. I am not even an excellent mother; I know a lot of moms who are better at motherhood than I am. But, by the grace of God, I love being a Mom (most of the time), and I am either with or available to my boys. Once disorder sets in, there are a lot of circumstances that cannot be helped. Addiction and divorce are two of them. I am not criticizing the mothers below. I could easily be where they are, if my circumstances were the same. I simply pray for them, and grieve for their children.
I spent three and a half hours at the skate park with my two older boys yesterday afternoon. The skate park is almost always a win-win because they're doing what they want to do, and I get to be outside, sitting. Two of my favorite things. But, if you've read some of my other posts, you already know that sometimes I leave with a heavy heart. Yesterday was one of those days.
The first heartbreak (and joy) was spending the afternoon with my little four-year-old buddy. He was there before we arrived and stayed until who-knows-when after we left. His 7th grade brother was also there, and everybody knows them, but the just-turned-four-year-old is still pretty much on his own. At some point, his older sister showed up to bring him lunch. A sandwich, chips, and a Capri Sun. She left right afterwards. His brother "stole" his chips, and they were ultimately spilled on the ground. It was the first time I ever saw him cry. I was getting ready to head home to supplement his lunch when one of the girls hanging around offered to buy him another bag, which was the first act of kindness I've seen there (that part was refreshing).
I asked the boys if their Mom ever came to watch them. The little one said, "No". The older one said, "Sometimes." While I was thinking about my four-year-old at home napping, and seeing my little friend's "thousand yard stare", I was struck by such a feeling of helplessness. After sitting with him the whole afternoon, I had to tell him it was time for us to leave because I had to make dinner. The helplessness struck again. He can't cross the street by himself and he can't come home with me...
His mother is alive, and lives right across the street. I can't blame her because I don't know her, and justice is not mine to meter out. But, I know what I see (and have seen many, many times), and that, for whatever reason, is a motherless child.
The second heartbreak was running into an old friend who told me "Things aren't so good at home right now." I pressed a little, and he told me that his wife (and mother of his only son) is strung out on prescription drugs and alcohol. She was recently arrested for public intoxication after she lost her son at the store. She just went through a drug rehab program, and according to him, things look the same as before. I overheard one of their friends say, "I hate seeing her like that. She wouldn't even talk to us." Her son is the same age as mine. And right now, he is a motherless child.
The third heartbreak was when my friend told me that a mutual friend moved several states away, to live closer to her daughter. The closer-to-her-daughter part was good, but she had to leave her two boys behind with her husband. Again, they're about the same age as my guys. Until they rendezvous for the summer or holidays, it seems to me, they are motherless children.
I have to admit, my boys don't seem like they need me most of the time. But, I cannot imagine being separated from them for much more than a week. Anything less than that, I fantasize about. But anything more, I cannot fathom. I can't imagine saying goodbye, or leaving them in my rearview mirror, or not being "there", for whatever.
I ache for these mothers, for I know their love is no less than mine. I ache for these children, for I know their love is as boundless as any child's love. I am powerless to reunite them or swoop in to fix what's been rent. But, I can pray for them, and love more intensely, because the thought of living in any one of their shoes, unable or unwilling to guide the children God entrusted to me, leaves me numb.
And to the parents in my community, who lost their 4-year-old son last week when he was accidentally killed in their driveway, please keep loving. The kids in this world need your love. We all do.
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for Your Mother, who was present throughout Your Life, and most especially at the foot of the cross, when very few were left. Thank you for a mother's heart. Help us to intercede for those children, mothers, and families where something has gone awry. Please comfort those who need more love than what they receive. Please help us to take our responsibility as parents seriously, for it is the greatest work on earth, and we will have to give an account of how we've done. Please be with parents of older children who have to make them live somewhere other than home, to keep them safe. Please hear the cries of those parents who have lost their children. The pain of trying to imagine it is unbearable. There can be no words for the pain of living it. Please give us the grace to love well while we can, since we do not know how long we get to try. Amen.
I spent three and a half hours at the skate park with my two older boys yesterday afternoon. The skate park is almost always a win-win because they're doing what they want to do, and I get to be outside, sitting. Two of my favorite things. But, if you've read some of my other posts, you already know that sometimes I leave with a heavy heart. Yesterday was one of those days.
The first heartbreak (and joy) was spending the afternoon with my little four-year-old buddy. He was there before we arrived and stayed until who-knows-when after we left. His 7th grade brother was also there, and everybody knows them, but the just-turned-four-year-old is still pretty much on his own. At some point, his older sister showed up to bring him lunch. A sandwich, chips, and a Capri Sun. She left right afterwards. His brother "stole" his chips, and they were ultimately spilled on the ground. It was the first time I ever saw him cry. I was getting ready to head home to supplement his lunch when one of the girls hanging around offered to buy him another bag, which was the first act of kindness I've seen there (that part was refreshing).
I asked the boys if their Mom ever came to watch them. The little one said, "No". The older one said, "Sometimes." While I was thinking about my four-year-old at home napping, and seeing my little friend's "thousand yard stare", I was struck by such a feeling of helplessness. After sitting with him the whole afternoon, I had to tell him it was time for us to leave because I had to make dinner. The helplessness struck again. He can't cross the street by himself and he can't come home with me...
His mother is alive, and lives right across the street. I can't blame her because I don't know her, and justice is not mine to meter out. But, I know what I see (and have seen many, many times), and that, for whatever reason, is a motherless child.
The second heartbreak was running into an old friend who told me "Things aren't so good at home right now." I pressed a little, and he told me that his wife (and mother of his only son) is strung out on prescription drugs and alcohol. She was recently arrested for public intoxication after she lost her son at the store. She just went through a drug rehab program, and according to him, things look the same as before. I overheard one of their friends say, "I hate seeing her like that. She wouldn't even talk to us." Her son is the same age as mine. And right now, he is a motherless child.
The third heartbreak was when my friend told me that a mutual friend moved several states away, to live closer to her daughter. The closer-to-her-daughter part was good, but she had to leave her two boys behind with her husband. Again, they're about the same age as my guys. Until they rendezvous for the summer or holidays, it seems to me, they are motherless children.
I have to admit, my boys don't seem like they need me most of the time. But, I cannot imagine being separated from them for much more than a week. Anything less than that, I fantasize about. But anything more, I cannot fathom. I can't imagine saying goodbye, or leaving them in my rearview mirror, or not being "there", for whatever.
I ache for these mothers, for I know their love is no less than mine. I ache for these children, for I know their love is as boundless as any child's love. I am powerless to reunite them or swoop in to fix what's been rent. But, I can pray for them, and love more intensely, because the thought of living in any one of their shoes, unable or unwilling to guide the children God entrusted to me, leaves me numb.
And to the parents in my community, who lost their 4-year-old son last week when he was accidentally killed in their driveway, please keep loving. The kids in this world need your love. We all do.
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for Your Mother, who was present throughout Your Life, and most especially at the foot of the cross, when very few were left. Thank you for a mother's heart. Help us to intercede for those children, mothers, and families where something has gone awry. Please comfort those who need more love than what they receive. Please help us to take our responsibility as parents seriously, for it is the greatest work on earth, and we will have to give an account of how we've done. Please be with parents of older children who have to make them live somewhere other than home, to keep them safe. Please hear the cries of those parents who have lost their children. The pain of trying to imagine it is unbearable. There can be no words for the pain of living it. Please give us the grace to love well while we can, since we do not know how long we get to try. Amen.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
The Funeral of a Stranger
I attended a funeral yesterday of a person I met only once, for about five minutes. She was a 64-year-old woman who battled cancer for a year and a half. I met her about a month ago because she signed up to be a substitute driver for the transportation ministry I coordinate at my Church. At that time, I made an appeal for drivers at the end of Mass, and she approached me afterward.
She had a very short crop of white hair and walked with a walker. She said she had cancer, and would especially like to drive anyone else who had cancer. We spoke briefly about her chemotherapy sessions, and I learned that she was usually alone and read during her treatment. This was interesting to me, as the only other person I know who has gone through chemotherapy, always had at least one person (and often many) to pass the time with. My friend, a mother of ten, has a never-ending list of people who love her and who were eager to take a "slot".
This woman, though, was an only child and never married. There were 35-40 people at her funeral, most of them co-workers. If it weren't for the brief account of her life given by her best friend, all I would know about her is what I learned from her; She was willing to serve until the end of her life. And that is why I was there. I want to be like her. I want to be willing to serve long after the world says I am relieved of my duty to do so.
I never thought I would want to be cremated. Before yesterday, it always seemed an unnecessary desecration of the body, and it disturbed me to think about my body going through an incinerator. But, yesterday, upon entering the Church, I was struck by the beauty and profound simplicity of what she was leaving behind. Her remains were in a simple white box, resembling a small treasure chest, and the only other thing on the 2x2 covered table was a single red rose. I love it that the only other thing on the table was something simple, and yet exquisitely beautiful. I really, really wanted to take a picture, lest I forget the impact this visible reality made on me. However, I hope sharing it with you will etch it in my memory, just the same.
The absence of her walker leaning against the table reminded me of how encumbered we can become in this life. All of her earthly possessions were dispersed (and generously given by her). There was no casket, and no ceremonious carrying of the casket by six strong men. There was no funeral procession, and no cemetery plot. There were no extravagant flower arrangements. There was no crucifix, and no Rosary. Simply proof of her existence, and something beautiful. God's handiwork.
I don't remember where I saw it, or who said it, but "All that is not given away is lost." The only thing of value from our life, after our life is over, is what we have given to others. The love we have sown in the lives of those who care enough to come to our funeral is the only thing we can claim, and the only thing that remains after we are gone.
Dear God of Life and Eternity,
Thank you for the opportunity to meet Nancy, albeit briefly. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let Perpetual Light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Thank you for her willingness to serve until the end of her life. Please give me the grace to imitate her. Thank you for my husband and children, and all of the joy and love that come with loving and living so intimately. Please draw near to those who are traveling through this life alone. Help us to know them when we see them, so that we may bring You to them. Thank you for funeral Masses and experiences that demand an honest assessment of where we are and where we're going. Thank you for beauty and love, for they always point to You, their source. When I die, please let me have retained nothing for myself. Let the simplicity of my life reflect the truth of Your Life. Thank you for all that was, is, and is to come. Amen.
She had a very short crop of white hair and walked with a walker. She said she had cancer, and would especially like to drive anyone else who had cancer. We spoke briefly about her chemotherapy sessions, and I learned that she was usually alone and read during her treatment. This was interesting to me, as the only other person I know who has gone through chemotherapy, always had at least one person (and often many) to pass the time with. My friend, a mother of ten, has a never-ending list of people who love her and who were eager to take a "slot".
This woman, though, was an only child and never married. There were 35-40 people at her funeral, most of them co-workers. If it weren't for the brief account of her life given by her best friend, all I would know about her is what I learned from her; She was willing to serve until the end of her life. And that is why I was there. I want to be like her. I want to be willing to serve long after the world says I am relieved of my duty to do so.
I never thought I would want to be cremated. Before yesterday, it always seemed an unnecessary desecration of the body, and it disturbed me to think about my body going through an incinerator. But, yesterday, upon entering the Church, I was struck by the beauty and profound simplicity of what she was leaving behind. Her remains were in a simple white box, resembling a small treasure chest, and the only other thing on the 2x2 covered table was a single red rose. I love it that the only other thing on the table was something simple, and yet exquisitely beautiful. I really, really wanted to take a picture, lest I forget the impact this visible reality made on me. However, I hope sharing it with you will etch it in my memory, just the same.
The absence of her walker leaning against the table reminded me of how encumbered we can become in this life. All of her earthly possessions were dispersed (and generously given by her). There was no casket, and no ceremonious carrying of the casket by six strong men. There was no funeral procession, and no cemetery plot. There were no extravagant flower arrangements. There was no crucifix, and no Rosary. Simply proof of her existence, and something beautiful. God's handiwork.
I don't remember where I saw it, or who said it, but "All that is not given away is lost." The only thing of value from our life, after our life is over, is what we have given to others. The love we have sown in the lives of those who care enough to come to our funeral is the only thing we can claim, and the only thing that remains after we are gone.
Dear God of Life and Eternity,
Thank you for the opportunity to meet Nancy, albeit briefly. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let Perpetual Light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Thank you for her willingness to serve until the end of her life. Please give me the grace to imitate her. Thank you for my husband and children, and all of the joy and love that come with loving and living so intimately. Please draw near to those who are traveling through this life alone. Help us to know them when we see them, so that we may bring You to them. Thank you for funeral Masses and experiences that demand an honest assessment of where we are and where we're going. Thank you for beauty and love, for they always point to You, their source. When I die, please let me have retained nothing for myself. Let the simplicity of my life reflect the truth of Your Life. Thank you for all that was, is, and is to come. Amen.
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