Fruit, Death, and Reason

My little neighbor brought me a bowl of fruit yesterday.

A wonderful thing to receive from a 5-year-old, anytime. Only it was completely her idea and inspired by a dream that she gave me a bowl of fruit.  With lemons.

I can’t help but wonder about the timing of the delivery and the dream that inspired it.

Sometimes, children are placed on hospice.  I’ve known this, but I got to know it in a new way last week.  She was 6-years-old and died on the same day my little neighbor dreamed she brought me a bowl of fruit.

I told my neighbor’s Grammy about my emotional week and how a fruit delivery from a little one couldn’t have come at a better time.

I explained that I couldn’t sleep during the wee hours of the previous morning, so I got up and prayed.  I prayed most especially for our newest and youngest patient and learned later it was at that time when “our” earthly angel became a heavenly one.

She thought that was interesting because my little neighbor had the same trouble sleeping and called for her, at the same time.  Grammy mentioned something about us being “connected”.

Are we connected beyond living next door and having a mutual love for one another?  Are we connected in ways that sometimes wake us up or we can sometimes feel, but never see or comprehend?

During that couple of hours of way-too-early, I was searching for God’s presence.  I needed to know He was aware and at work amidst the upside-downness of a child dying.  I needed to know that I wasn’t showing up without Him.

He is used to hearing from me on my way to situations that are too hard for me.  “If You aren’t coming, I ain’t going!”  He hasn’t let me down, yet.

And this is what He gave me that morning when I was looking for Him...

“Who has ever said that the presence of God - in his actions and his words - has to be felt?  Sometimes God grants that sensation.  At other times, he doesn’t.”

This, from Blessed Conchita.   A wife, mother, and laywoman who just happened to be beatified when we were in Mexico this past May.  We sat in folding chairs outside the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in the blazing sun, and we watched the man who was healed through her intercession, walk into the Mass of her Beatification.

Attending a Beatification Mass because we were “in the area”, two people not sleeping at the same time, a timely quote from the beatified, the death of a child, a child’s dream and conviction to act, and a bowl of fruit, hand-delivered.

Maybe they are only connected because I put them together in the same sentence.  But, maybe not.  

I don’t know what to make of it, but I’m okay with that.  I am enjoying the possibilities. 

“For they reasoned unsoundly, saying to themselves, 

‘Short and sorrowful is our life, and there is no remedy when a man comes to his end...

Because we were born by mere chance, and hereafter we shall be as though we had never been; because the breath in our nostrils is smoke, and reason is a spark kindled by the beating of our hearts...

The Wisdom of Solomon 2:1-2

The Influence of a Single Soul

If you tried to "read the eternal thought which God the Creator and Father had in your regard" (to paraphrase George Weigel), what would that look like for you?  Which parts of your life are closest to what you think He envisions for you, and which parts are the farthest away?  What can you change, today, to inch closer?

If everyone has something to do for God, as Pope John Paul II tells us, what is your "something to do"?  Who are the people you see and interact with in your daily life?  Have you considered that it is likely you are affecting them (hopefully in a positive way), with your mere presence?

The influence exercised by a person is something subtle, penetrating; its strength cannot be measured.  What powerful preaching there can be in simple contact with a soul!  One single soul can change the whole moral atmosphere surrounding it by its solitary light.  ~Elizabeth Leseur

We can lead people (and be led by them) to Christ without any awareness on our part.  According to St. Augustine, this kind of "leading" was a huge part of his conversion.  Regarding Bishop Ambrose, he writes, "To him I was led by you (God) without my knowledge, so that by him I might be led to you (God) in full knowledge."

We can lead each other through our personal encounters and through prayer.  Thomas Merton relays his experience of being delivered from eternal condemnation through the efforts of an unknown soul:  "...my soul was rotten with the corruption of my sins...What is more, there was nothing I could do for myself.  There was absolutely no means, no natural means for getting me out of that state.  Only God could help me.  Who prayed for me?  One day I shall know.  But, in the economy of God's love, it is through the prayers of other men that those graces were given.  It was through the prayers of someone who loved God that I was, one day, to be delivered out of that hell where I was already confined without knowing it."

We are called to offer sacrifices for ourselves and others, so we can all grow in holiness; our pursuit of God's will.  We can do this in an infinite number of ways, but here are just a few ideas (as discussed in class earlier today) to get the ball rolling:
1.  Praying for our enemies (or anyone who just annoys us and all of those in between)
2.  Being wrongly accused for something without blowing up like a fanatical monster
3.  Taking care of parents and/or young children
4.  Doing things that we can't do well (Hold on pride, this one's going to hurt!)
5.  Doing anything else that you get no (zero, none, zilch) satisfaction out of, whatsoever, for the love of God and your neigbor (everybody you know, but yourself).

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for leading us to yourself through others who have no idea they are doing so.  Thank you, also, for a turn at the lead.  What an incredible gift to assist another in their journey to You!  It is mind-boggling that this awesome "activity for eternity" is so well-hidden!  Amazing to think that one person can be leading, while another is being led, and yet, neither one knows a thing about it!  This must be another component of your mercy.  We could very well be filled up with ourselves if we knew our own influence.  Thank you for your wisdom in not allowing that to happen, because we need room for You!  As Mother Teresa told us, "Even God Himself cannot fill what is already full."  Thank you, Lord, for the emptiness that we must carry in this life, for that is Your home, until we get to the place You have prepared for us.  Amen."

Do-It-Yourself, Answering Your Own Prayer

Have you ever had the same thing/idea/theme come up repeatedly over a short period of time in your life?  And the repetition gets you thinking, "Lord, are you trying to tell me something?!" 

In the past couple of weeks, I keep coming across similar references to prayer in different sources.  So, as a continual effort to share what I've been given, I wanted to share these overlapping sentiments with you. The statements are simple and straightforward, but the implications are far-reaching.

I don't want to be the reason God can't answer my prayer!  I'm sure you don't either, so here's the gist, according to William Barclay* in A Book of Everyday Prayers:

1.  Be honest in prayer.  "Don't lie to God." (Luther) "We cannot pray for that which we do not desire with our whole hearts.  If there is something which we know we ought to desire, and we do not desire it, then our first step must not be to pray for it; that would be dishonest; but to confess that the holy desire is not there, and to ask God by His Spirit to put it there."

2.  We must be very definite in prayer and there can be no real prayer without self-examination.

3.  God cannot grant a selfish request.  Anything that we do necessarily affects other people.

4.  God will not do for us that which we can do for ourselves.  Prayer is the cooperation of our effort with the grace of God. 

~"There is little point in praying to be enabled to overcome some temptation, and then in flirting with that temptation, in playing with fire, and in putting oneself in the very position in which the temptation can exert all its fascination." 

~"There is little point in praying for our home and for our loved ones, and in going on being as selfish and inconsiderate as we have been." 

~"There is little point in praying that the sorrowing may be comforted and the lonely cheered, unless we ourselves set out to bring comfort and cheer to the sad and the neglected in our own sphere."

~"Prayer would be an evil rather than a blessing, if it were only a way of getting God to do what we ourselves will not make the effort to do."

Prayer is not primarily a means of escape, it is a means of conquest.  "Prayer does not normally promise or achieve release from some situation; it brings power and endurance to meet and to overcome that situation."

*  In a brief Wikipedia search on William Barclay, I learned that he was a minister, skeptical concerning the Trinity, a universalist, and a pacifist. I don't know much else about him, nor generally align my beliefs with his, but I believe what he says here regarding prayer.


Several days after reading William Barclay's thoughts on prayer, I read this in a daily Magnificat meditation:

"You say, 'he hasn't worked the miracle.' 'he hasn't given me the courage I need.'  Well the answer usually is: 'you  have not given him anything to work the miracle with.'  Of course, he can do some miracles without, but usually he asks us to give something, and if the miracle you ask is personal transubstantiation - that you may be changed into him - then clearly, unless you offer yourself - all of yourself - he can't do it, for what has he got to change?" - Caryll Houselander



Dear Creator and Redeemer,  Thank you for people who teach us how to talk to and relate to You.  Thank you for gentle reminders that get us back on track with a broader perspective of prayer and our role in it.  Lord, help me to "show up", but get out of the way, too.  I give you the desires of my heart.  For the things that You will for my life that I do not yet desire, please give me the desire.  For the things that I desire that have no place in my life, please remove them.  Lord, I am too short-sighted to even know what I am asking, but You know, and I trust in You.  Amen.

Letter to A Tormented Soul

I have several people whom I love dearly who are tormented souls.  I wrote this letter to one of them in the Adoration chapel last night.  I just removed the names to give them the respect they deserve.  But, I want to share this with you, as well.  These souls in our lives need us tremendously.  Let us do everything in our power to intercede for them...

Good morning. I was praying for you in Adoration last night after I got off the phone with M. She mentioned that you are in a dark place and S told me the same thing a few weeks ago. M told me you stopped receiving Communion. She said you feel unworthy, because that's the message you keep hearing. Anyway, I was just going to pray for you, but I felt like I was supposed to write you instead, so I spent my Holy Hour writing you...
I read a book called Unbound. It talked about understanding strategies of the enemy...What is his plan? What is the foundational lie? What areas of the person's life are being held in bondage? God has a plan for your life, which includes a life of peace, love, and joy. However, satan also has a plan for your life. If this is true, what do you think satan's plan for your life would look like?

I have a guess. You would hate your job. You would hate too little free time. You would hate too much free time. You would hate yourself. You would isolate yourself from everyone who loves you. You would stop receiving the sacraments - Reconciliation and especially Communion. You would believe that your thoughts and sins are greater than God's capacity for love and mercy. You would believe that the devil's power is greater than God's power. You would believe that your life would be better or more fulfilling, if only the circumstances were different. You would feel helpless and hopeless.

If this is true for you, it would seem that satan has the upper hand at the moment. The good news is that his gig is up when you hit the Confessional and receive the Body of Christ!

The devil is a liar. He will do anything in his power to keep you from Jesus' side and trusting in His mercy. "At the heart of satan's attack upon you in his attempt to rob you of your true identity and destiny. satan will do anything he can to keep you from knowing God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." (Neal Lozano in Unbound).

If you think you are the worst sinner in the world, Jesus has plenty to say about that, as St. Faustina recorded in her diary:

"Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy...I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify Him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice."

"My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of My goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed Myself to be nailed to the Cross; for you I let My Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. You misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with Me about your wretchedness. You will give Me pleasure if you hand over to Me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you treasures of My grace."

"Oh, soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy."

I think you can relate to what Thomas Merton writes of his own experience in The Seven Storey Mountain:

"But now I lay on this bed, full of gangrene, and my soul was rotten with the corruption of my sins. And I did not even care whether I died or lived. The worst thing that can happen to anyone in this life is to lose all sense of these realities...

What is more, there was nothing I could do for myself. There was absolutely no means, no natural means within reach, for getting me out of that state. Only God could help me. Who prayed for me? One day I shall know. But, in the economy of God's love, it is through the prayers of other men that these graces were given. It was through the prayers of someone who loved God that I was, one day, to be delivered out of that hell where I was already confined without knowing it."

I love you. I am that person praying for you. So is M, D, M, and S. You have lots of someones through which you will be delivered out of that hell where you are already confined without knowing it.

Please go to Confession and receive the Eucharist. We can pray for the rest.

I love you and I want to spend eternity with you, and that means that satan does not get his way.

Peace and Much Love,

Heidi Ann