Today is our 19th wedding anniversary. It would be easy just to post a pretty picture and congratulate ourselves on a marriage that keeps getting better and better, because it does. But, it could not convey the gratitude I have for Monday meetings that hold my feet to the marriage fire (however uncomfortable that may be) nor let my marriage counselors know their message is out, and you’ve been invited in.
Today is our 19th wedding anniversary, and there is something you should know. I meet regularly with 20 or so marriage counselors. Every Monday. All at the same time.
I agree. It’s a little unconventional.
But, it works.
My marriage counselors understand the blessing and the work required in marriage. They understand keeping your vows in sickness and in health until “death do us part.” They believe in a love stronger than death because they lived it, and they continue to live it. Their spouses of 7, 38, 56, 60 years and all the years in between, left this earthly life without them.
They show up on Mondays to learn from each other, and I am there to learn from them. They don’t talk at the same time, but they say the same thing.
They share their undying love for their spouse and their horror as they observe husbands and wives taking each other for granted, being cool, dismissive, and unkind. They want to shake us, or avoid us altogether because our ignorance hurts them so.
Oh, what they would give for what we blindly throw away.
Everyone in the room has lost their spouse, but me. Yet, they let me sit at the table and ask questions, and pray, and learn.
I pry. No, they don’t ever remember being lonely in their marriage before their spouse died.
Really?
Yes, really. Because their spouse was still there, they tell me. Any loneliness they felt in marriage while their spouse was living was so pale in comparison to the loneliness of widowhood, it slips into non-existence. All of the loneliness, little annoyances and irritations, hurts and disagreements slip into…
I wish we had room for silent observers, I tell them. I wish other married people could sit where I sit, and see what I see, and hear what I hear. Especially those who are coasting along, those who are troubled, and those who are ready to quit…The tired, fed-up, and unhappy.
I also wish scarcity of time and abiding love weren’t so-darn-easy to doubt. But, I’m a married woman staying up late to write while my husband sleeps in our bed, and I know that they are. Only I have years of Mondays to remind me of the truth, and when I forget, Monday is never more than seven days away.
So, Happy 19th Anniversary to us! It just keeps getting better and better. Mondays (and all of the days) remind me of the treasure I have in my husband, the time we have, the life we share, the memories we’ve made and the pictures we’re lucky enough to keep taking. Thank you to my husband whose love continues to mold me and to all who make sure I never forget.
