Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Surrendered Soul Has Found Paradise on Earth

My brain feels pretty empty this morning after my "purge" yesterday.  So, I'm sharing my New Year's Resolution for 2010, which has been the same for 2011, and 2012.  To grow in holiness.  Daily:  Begin with a morning offering, feeding my soul with the Word, spiritual reading, and prayer first thing in the morning (This has become an indispensable habit.  Sometimes, I even roll out of bed early on the weekends to get this time.  It's amazing how 30 minutes can change an entire day).  Trying to live a "surrendered" life - not needing to have my own way (plenty of room for improvement, here).  Trying to see God's Providence in everything (lots of opportunities for growth, here).  Praying the Rosary, Angelus, and Divine Mercy Chaplet daily (I get 2 out of 3 on a good day).  Doing an examination of conscience at night.  Weekly:  Adoration.  Monthly:  Confession (I make it every 2 months, at best). 

December 31, 2009 - Thursday, 11:53am

It’s the last day of 2009. It has been a wonderful year. Namely, Wyatt was born and we’ve all been healthy and happy. I feel like God is really blessing our family. I pray that some financial blessings will follow as our family grows bigger. My biggest goal for 2010 is to grow in holiness. I also need to give my children more undivided attention and get back to having my quiet/prayer/meditation times in the mornings. Wyatt has been getting up so early - 5:00 or before, I couldn’t make myself get up before that. However, since we’ve been on Christmas break, Brett and I decided we would not get him up before 6am. This morning he slept until 7:50…the latest ever. So, if he continues to sleep until 7, I will start getting up at 6 for “my time”. I am trying to “surrender” my will in every situation, so I can live freely, without hesitation, bitterness, or selfishness, with Brett and the boys. I have periodically felt that“freedom” of not needing or wanting to have my own way…"The surrendered soul has found Paradise on earth." (The end)

All of these things are good, but I have learned the hard way that it is very easy to become attached to these things because of their goodness.  (ie. yelling at my kids when they interrupt my prayer time to find the remote - I shudder at the example I was for them, being so easily irritated and unholy during my prayer time).  Jacques Phillipe nails the description of what I was doing in Searching for and Maintaining Peace, "Because the thing we want is good, even seen as desired by God, we feel justified in wanting it with that much more impatience and displeasure if not realized.  The more a thing seems good to us, the more we are agitated and preoccupied to realize it!"  "We are no longer among those who want bad things that are contrary to God.  Instead, we want things that are in conformity with God's will, but in a manner that is still not "God's way" (the way of the Holy Spirit), which is caring, peaceful, and patient."  "The devil is crafty and uses the desire we have to do God's will to disturb us." 

So, I am thankful for Fr. Caussade's reminder in Abandonment to Divine Providence:  "Without the divine action all things are as nothing, and with it the veriest nothing can be turned to account.  Whether it be meditation, contemplation, vocal prayer, interior silence, or the active use of any of the faculties, either sensible and distinct, or almost imperceptible; quiet retreat, or active employment, whatever it may be in itself, even if very desirable, that which God wills for the present moment is best and all else must be regarded by the soul as being nothing at all."  

Dear Patient and Gentle Father, Thank you for the present moment.  Help us to see You in whatever (or whoever) comes to us, moment by moment.  Help us to dwell in the moment and not think about if time is going fast or slow.  Help us to do your will in your way, Lord.  With care, peacefulness, and patience.  Help us to form holy habits, so that me may find you more easily in every moment you give us.  Jesus, Make my heart meek and humble like your heart.  Amen.

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